ericlustbader.the ninja-第103章

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　With　Saigo's　return；　Nicholas　had　expected　Cheong　to　return　home。　Such　was　not　the　case。　She　continued　to　stay　with　Itami　for　more　than　a　week。　She　might　have；　perhaps；　stayed　indefinitely　had　not　Itami　insisted　she　leave。
　The　tragedy　had　aged　his　mother；　Nicholas　saw；　as　much　as　or　even　more　than　it　had　his　aunt。　She　rarely　smiled　and　she　seemed　distant　as　if　holding　herself　together　by　a　supreme　act　of　will。
　Further；　and；　to　Nicholas；　quite　inexplicably；　something　had　changed　in　her　relationship　with　the　Colonel。　For　as　long　as　Nicholas　could　remember　this　had　been　an　unwavering　bulwark　in　his　life；　the　backbone　he　could　always　count　on。　True；　the　shift　was　subtle　and；　perhaps；　an　outsider　might　not　have　picked　it　up；　but　it　was　there　nonetheless　and　it　frightened　him。　It　was　almost　as　if　she　blamed　the　Colonel　for　the　tragedy。　He　had　saved　Satsugai's　life　once；　wasn't　that　enough？　Nicholas　asked　himself。　He　felt　she　was　being　unreasonable　and；　for　the　first　time　in　his　life；　he　felt　himself　being　pulled　by　the　increasing　polarization　of　his　parents。
　Itami　came　almost　every　day　for　lunch。　On　several　occasions　she　brought　Saigo　along　when　he　was　in　town。　Nicholas　missed　these　meetings；　being　either　at　the　ryu；　talking　with　Kansatsu；　or　at　classes　at　Todai；　Tokyo　University；　but　Cheong　spoke　to　him　about　them　when　he　returned　home　in　the　evenings。
　The　Colonel　had　taken　a　week　off　from　work；　though　he　had　not　taken　a　vacation　in　almost　a　year　and　a　half。　He　said　he　was　ill　and；　for　the　first　time　since　Cheong　had　known　him；　he　went　to　a　physician。　He　seemed　pale　and　drawn　but　she　was　relieved　to　find　that　there　was　nothing　physically　amiss。
　For　his　part；　Nicholas　became　engulfed　in　college　life。　It　was　a　strange　business；　Todai；　but　he　soon　got　the　hang　of　it。　Once　he　had　passed　the　enormously　difficult　entrance　exams；　he　found　that　he　had　bee　a　member　of　the　famed　Gakubatsu；　the　university　clique。　He　found　that　Todai　was　one　of　the　world's　most　exclusive　clubs；　grooming　its　graduates　for　top…line　executive　positions　in　government。　Had　not　five　of　the　post…war　prime　ministers　e　from　Todai？
　This　period　of　intense　self…involvement　took　Nicholas　away　from　his　family　and　it　wasn't　until　weeks　later　that　he　recognized　something　was　amiss。　The　Colonel　had　extended　his　leave　of　absence。　He　would　rise　early　in　the　morning；　as　was　his　habit；　and　wander　around　the　house　touching　objects　as　if　for　the　first　time。　Often　he　got　underfoot　and　the　servants；　quite　good…naturedly；　would　steer　him　into　another　room　or；　increasingly　…　as　he　had　a　tendency　to　wander　aimlessly　back　…　outdoors。　Then　he　would　spend　long　hours　sitting　by　the　side　of　the　Zen　garden　as　if　studying　the　swirling　lines　of　the　gravel。　For　a　man　who　had　been　both　strong　and　extremely　active　all　his　life；　this　behavior　was　most　out　of　character。
　Itami；　when　she　visited；　seemed　totally　attached　to　Cheong。　Increasingly　now；　she　spent　the　week…ends；　often　taking　long　walks　with　Cheong　through　the　cryptomeria　and　pine　wood　to　the　Shinto　temple　where　she　had　taken　Nicholas　that　afternoon　so　long　ago。　Perhaps　they　even　passed　through　the　spot　where　he　and　Yukio　had　rolled　over　one　another　as　they　had　made　love。　Of　what　things　Cheong　and　Itami　spoke　at　those　times　Nicholas　had　no　idea。
　One　day　he　came　home　from　his　studies　earlier　than　usual　and　found　the　Colonel　still　outside。　He　was　huddled　inside　his　old　English　great　coat。　It　seemed　far　too　big　for　him　now。
　Nicholas　skirted　the　house；　went　to　sit　beside　him。　He　was　appalled　to　see　the　sharp　bones　standing　out　along　the　ridges　of　the　Colonel's　cheeks。
　'How　are　you？'　he　said。　His　breath　frosted　in　a　miniature　cloud　in　front　of　him。
　…^Pine；'　the　Colonel　said。　'I　am　just　…　tired。'　He　smiled　wistfully。　'Just　tired；　that's　all。'　His　thin　hands　fluttered　like　birds。　The　backs　were　dark　with　liver　spots。　They　settled　restlessly　on　his　thighs。　'Don't　worry　about　me。　You　know；　I　am　thinking　of　taking　your　mother　away　somewhere　for　a　rest。　She's　still　not　got　over　this　thing。　She　needs　to　get　away　from　here　for　a　while。　Forget　all　about　grief。　Your　aunt　hangs　on　to　her　now　as　if　she　were　her　only　lifeline。　It　isn't　fair。〃
　'It'll　be　all　right；　Dad。'
　The　Colonel　sighed。　'I　don't　know　about　that。　The　world　is　changing。　It's　bee　too　plex。　I'll　never　understand　it。　Perhaps　you　will。　I　hope　so。'　He　rubbed　his　palms　up　and　down　his　thighs　as　if　they　ached。　'Nothing's　the　way　it　once　was。'　He　looked　away；　into　the　sky。　The　last　of　the　geese　were　moving　south　in　giant　vees；　two　fingers　lifted　triumphantly：　the　victory　sign。　'I　had　such　dreams　when　I　came　here。　There　was　so　much　I　could　have　done。'
　'And　you　have。　You've　acplished　so　much。'
　'Like　ashes；'　the　Colonel　said。　'I　feel　as　if　I've　done　nothing；　merely　slid　with　the　tide；　taken　by　forces　I　knew　nothing　of。'　He　shook　his　head。　'I　cannot　escape　the　feelings　that　perhaps　I　didn't　try　hard　enough。'
　'How　can　you　say　that？　You　gave　them　everything。　Everything。'

　'I　thought　it　was　the　right　thing　to　do。　Did　I　do　wrong？　I　can't　say　now。　I'm　pulled　in　two　directions。　I　wish　I　had　given　them　more；　gone　to　Washington；　pleaded　our　case　there。　I　wish　I　had　given　them　less；　spent　more　time　with　you　and　your　mother。'
　Nicholas　put　his　arm　around　the　Colonel's　shoulders。　How　thin　they　had　bee。　Where　had　all　the　hard　muscle　gone？　Not　even　to　fat。　It　had　just　disappeared。
　'It's　all　right；　Dad。'　Such　an　inane　phrase；　connoting　nothing。　He　seemed　tongue…tied。　'It's　all　right'
　What　was　it　he　really　wanted　to　say？
　But　something　irrevocable　had　taken　place　in　the　Colonel's　life　and　it　wasn't　all　right。
　Despite　repeated　trips　to　the　physician；　despite　a　prescription　of　potent　pills；　eating　and；　finally；　injections；　he　continued　to　lose　weight　until　there　was　nothing　more　anyone　could　do　to　sustain　him。　Ten　days　after　his　talk　with　Nicholas　in　the　Zen　garden；　he　died　in　his　sleep。
　The　funeral　was　immense。　Most　of　the　arrangements　were　taken　care　of　by　the　American　military　in　Tokyo。　Mourners　came　from　all　over　the　Pacific　and　President　Johnson　sent　a　personal　envoy　from　Washington。　Nicholas　thought　this　man's　presence　highly　ironic；　given　what　he　knew　of　his　father's　failed　ambitions。　The　Americans　had　been　unwilling　to　listen　to　him　in　life　but　were　anxious　to　extol　him　in　death。　He　could　not　help　but　resent　the　man；　despite　his　charm　and　extreme　courtesy；　seeing　in　him　not　a　little　of　Mark　Anthony。
　The　Japanese　government；　as　was　its　wont；　was　somewhat　more　honest。　The　Prime　Minister　himself　attended；　as　did　many　members　of　the　Diet。　The　Japanese　would　not　forget　the　Colonel's　awesome　contributions　to　their　country　and　they　paid　their　debt　…　some　time　later；　after　a　decent　interval；　Nicholas　was　approached　for　training　for　a　high…level　governmental　post。　He　politely　declined；　pleased　none　the　less。
　As　requested　in　the　Colonel's　will；　the　American　Army　rabbi　conducted　the　ceremony；　which　no　doubt　nonplussed　many　of　the　attendance；　especially　those　who　had　believed　they　knew　the　Colonel　well。　The　rabbi　had　known　the　Colonel　for　a　long　time　and　when　he　spoke　the　eulogy　it　was　with　enormous　conviction。　It　was；　in　retrospect；　quite　a　beautiful　ceremony。
　'The　Tenshin　Shoden　Katori　ryu　is　the　only　answer　now。'
　'I　believe　that　is　so。　Yes。'
　'I　want　to　leave　and　I　do　not　want　to　leave。'
　'I　understand　this　fully；　Nicholas。'
　Kansatsu's　cat's　eyes　were　bright　and　alive。
　He　and　Nicholas　knelt　facing　each　other。　Around　them　was　the　gleaming　empty　expanse　of　the　dojd；　a　deserted　beach　in　the　sunlight。
　'What　will　happen　to　me　…　there？'
　'I　am　afraid　that　I　cannot　tell　you。　I　do　not　know。'
　'Will　I　be　safe？'
　'Only　you　can　answer　that。　But　the　strength　to　be　so　is　within　you。'
　'I　am　glad　you　came　to　the　funeral。'　…'Your　father　was　a　fine　man；　Nicholas。　I　knew　him　well。'
　'I　did　not　know。〃
　'No。'
　'Well。。。'
　'I　have　prepared　your　letters　of　introduction。　These　include　your　graduation　certificates　…　with　highest　honours　…　from　this　ryu。'　His　eyes；　focused　on　Nicholas's　face；　were　unwavering；　bits　of　flashing　jet。　He　withdrew　from　his　wide　sleeve　three　tightly　rolled　sheets　of　mulberry　paper　tied　with　a　thin　black　cord。　He　extend