the country doctor-第48章
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er； seemed to give him in advance the favorable reply for which he sought。 So he spoke：
〃Your life； sir； is so different from the lives of ordinary men； that you will not be surprised to hear me ask you the reason of your retired existence。 My curiosity may seem to you to be unmannerly； but you will admit that it is very natural。 Listen a moment： I have had comrades with whom I have never been on intimate terms； even though I have made many campaigns with them； but there have been others to whom I would say； 'Go to the paymaster and draw our money；' three days after we had got drunk together； a thing that will happen； for the quietest folk must have a frolic fit at times。 Well； then； you are one of those people whom I take for a friend without waiting to ask leave； nay； without so much as knowing wherefore。〃
〃Captain Bluteau〃
Whenever the doctor had called his guest by his assumed name； the latter had been unable for some time past to suppress a slight grimace。 Benassis； happening to look up just then； caught this expression of repugnance； he sought to discover the reason of it； and looked full into the soldier's face； but the real enigma was well…nigh insoluble for him； so he set down these symptoms to physical suffering and went on：
〃Captain； I am about to speak of myself。 I have had to force myself to do so already several times since yesterday； while telling you about the improvements that I have managed to introduce here； but it was a question of the interests of the people and the commune； with which mine are necessarily bound up。 But； now； if I tell you my story； I should have to speak wholly of myself； and mine has not been a very interesting life。〃
〃If it were as uneventful as La Fosseuse's life；〃 answered Genestas； 〃I should still be glad to know about it； I should like to know the untoward events that could bring a man of your calibre into this canton。〃
〃Captain； for these twelve years I have lived in silence； and now； as I wait at the brink of the grave for the stroke that will cast me into it； I will candidly own to you that this silence is beginning to weigh heavily upon me。 I have borne my sorrows alone for twelve years； I have had none of the comfort that friendship gives in such full measure to a heart in pain。 My poor sick folk and my peasants certainly set me an example of unmurmuring resignation； but they know that I at least understand them and their troubles； while there is not a soul here who knows of the tears that I have shed； no one to give me the hand…clasp of a comrade； the noblest reward of all； a reward that falls to the lot of every other； even Gondrin has not missed that。〃
Genestas held out his hand； a sudden impulsive movement by which Benassis was deeply touched。
〃There is La Fosseuse；〃 he went on in a different voice； 〃she perhaps would have understood as the angels might； but then； too； she might possibly have loved me； and that would have been a misfortune。 Listen； captain； my confession could only be made to an old soldier who looks as leniently as you do on the failings of others； or to some young man who has not lost the illusions of youth； for only a man who knows life well； or a lad to whom it is all unknown； could understand my story。 The captains of past times who fell upon the field of battle used to make their last confession to the cross on the hilt of their sword； if there was no priest at hand； it was the sword that received and kept the last confidences between a human soul and God。 And will you hear and understand me； for you are one of Napoleon's finest sword…blades； as thoroughly tempered and as strong as steel？ Some parts of my story can only be understood by a delicate tenderness； and through a sympathy with the beliefs that dwell in simple hearts； beliefs which would seem absurd to the sophisticated people who make use in their own lives of the prudential maxims of worldly wisdom that only apply to the government of states。 To you I shall speak openly and without reserve； as a man who does not seek to apologize for his life with the good and evil done in the course of it； as one who will hide nothing from you； because he lives so far from the world of to…day； careless of the judgements of man； and full of hope in God。〃
Benassis stopped； rose to his feet； and said； 〃Before I begin my story； I will order tea。 Jacquotte has never missed asking me if I will take it for these twelve years past； and she will certainly interrupt us。 Do you care about it； captain？〃
〃No； thank you。〃
In another moment Benassis returned。
CHAPTER IV
THE COUNTRY DOCTOR'S CONFESSION
〃I was born in a little town in Languedoc；〃 the doctor resumed。 〃My father had been settled there for many years； and there my early childhood was spent。 When I was eight years old I was sent to the school of the Oratorians at Sorreze； and only left it to finish my studies in Paris。 My father had squandered his patrimony in the course of an exceedingly wild and extravagant youth。 He had retrieved his position partly by a fortunate marriage； partly by the slow persistent thrift characteristic of provincial life； for in the provinces people pride themselves on accumulating rather than on spending； and all the ambition in a man's nature is either extinguished or directed to money…getting； for want of any nobler end。 So he had grown rich at last； and thought to transmit to his only son all the cut…and…dried experience which he himself had purchased at the price of his lost illusions； a noble last illusion of age which fondly seeks to bequeath its virtues and its wary prudence to heedless youth； intent only on the enjoyment of the enchanted life that lies before it。
〃This foresight on my father's part led him to make plans for my education for which I had to suffer。 He sedulously concealed my expectations of wealth from me； and during the fairest years of my youth compelled me； for my own good； to endure the burden of anxiety and hardship that presses upon a young man who has his own way to make in the world。 His idea in so doing was to instill the virtues of poverty into mepatience； a thirst for learning； and a love of work for its own sake。 He hoped to teach me to set a proper value on my inheritance； by letting me learn； in this way； all that it costs to make a fortune； wherefore； as soon as I was old enough to understand his advice； he urged me to choose a profession and to work steadily at it。 My tastes inclined me to the study of medicine。
〃So I left Sorreze； after ten years of almost monastic discipline of the Oratorians； and； fresh from the quiet life of a remote provincial school； I was taken straight to the capital。 My father went with me in order to introduce me to the notice of a friend of his； and （all unknown to me） my two elders took the most elaborate precautions against any ebullitions of youth on my part； innocent lad though I was。 My allowance was rigidly computed on a scale based upon the absolute necessaries of life； and I was obliged to produce my certificate of attendance at the Ecole de Medecine before I was allowed to draw my quarter's income。 The excuse for this sufficiently humiliating distrust was the necessity of my acquiring methodical and business…like habits。 My father； however； was not sparing of money for all the necessary expenses of my education and for the amusements of Parisian life。
〃His old friend was delighted to have a young man to guide through the labyrinth into which I had entered。 He was one of those men whose natures lead them to docket their thoughts； feelings； and opinions every whit as carefully as their papers。 He would turn up last year's memorandum book； and could tell in a moment what he had been doing a twelvemonth since in this very month； day； and hour of the present year。 Life； for him； was a business enterprise； and he kept the books after the most approved business methods。 There was real worth in him though he might be punctilious； shrewd； and suspicious； and though he never lacked specious excuses for the precautionary measures that he took with regard to me。 He used to buy all my books； he paid for my lessons； and once； when the fancy took me to learn to ride； the good soul himself found me out a riding…school； went thit
