lady susan-第15章

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Upper　Seymour　Street。











My　dear　Alicia；There　needed　not　this　last　fit　of　the　gout　to　make　me



detest　Mr。　Johnson；　but　now　the　extent　of　my　aversion　is　not　to　be



estimated。　To　have　you　confined　as　nurse　in　his　apartment！　My　dear　Alicia；



of　what　a　mistake　were　you　guilty　in　marrying　a　man　of　his　age！　just　old



enough　to　be　formal；　ungovernable；　and　to　have　the　gout；　too　old　to　be



agreeable；　too　young　to　die。　I　arrived　last　night　about　five；　had　scarcely



swallowed　my　dinner　when　Mainwaring　made　his　appearance。　I　will　not



dissemble　what　real　pleasure　his　sight　afforded　me；　nor　how　strongly　I　felt



the　contrast　between　his　person　and　manners　and　those　of　Reginald；　to　the



infinite　disadvantage　of　the　latter。　For　an　hour　or　two　I　was　even



staggered　in　my　resolution　of　marrying　him；　and　though　this　was　too　idle



and　nonsensical　an　idea　to　remain　long　on　my　mind；　I　do　not　feel　very　eager



for　the　conclusion　of　my　marriage；　nor　look　forward　with　much　impatience　to



the　time　when　Reginald；　according　to　our　agreement；　is　to　be　in　town。　I



shall　probably　put　off　his　arrival　under　some　pretence　or　other。　He　must



not　come　till　Mainwaring　is　gone。　I　am　still　doubtful　at　times　as　to



marrying；　if　the　old　man　would　die　I　might　not　hesitate；　but　a　state　of



dependance　on　the　caprice　of　Sir　Reginald　will　not　suit　the　freedom　of　my



spirit；　and　if　I　resolve　to　wait　for　that　event；　I　shall　have　excuse　enough



at　present　in　having　been　scarcely　ten　months　a　widow。　I　have　not　given



Mainwaring　any　hint　of　my　intention；　or　allowed　him　to　consider　my



acquaintance　with　Reginald　as　more　than　the　commonest　flirtation；　and　he　is



tolerably　appeased。　Adieu；　till　we　meet；　I　am　enchanted　with　my　lodgings。







Yours　ever；







S。　VERNON。























XXX











LADY　SUSAN　VERNON　TO　MR。　DE　COURCY











Upper　Seymour　Street。











I　have　received　your　letter；　and　though　I　do　not　attempt　to　conceal　that



I　am　gratified　by　your　impatience　for　the　hour　of　meeting；　I　yet　feel



myself　under　the　necessity　of　delaying　that　hour　beyond　the　time　originally



fixed。　Do　not　think　me　unkind　for　such　an　exercise　of　my　power；　nor　accuse



me　of　instability　without　first　hearing　my　reasons。　In　the　course　of　my



journey　from　Churchhill　I　had　ample　leisure　for　reflection　on　the　present



state　of　our　affairs；　and　every　review　has　served　to　convince　me　that　they



require　a　delicacy　and　cautiousness　of　conduct　to　which　we　have　hitherto



been　too　little　attentive。　We　have　been　hurried　on　by　our　feelings　to　a



degree　of　precipitation　which　ill　accords　with　the　claims　of　our　friends　or



the　opinion　of　the　world。　We　have　been　unguarded　in　forming　this　hasty



engagement；　but　we　must　not　complete　the　imprudence　by　ratifying　it　while



there　is　so　much　reason　to　fear　the　connection　would　be　opposed　by　those



friends　on　whom　you　depend。　It　is　not　for　us　to　blame　any　expectations　on



your　father's　side　of　your　marrying　to　advantage；　where　possessions　are　so



extensive　as　those　of　your　family；　the　wish　of　increasing　them；　if　not



strictly　reasonable；　is　too　common　to　excite　surprize　or　resentment。　He　has



a　right　to　require；　a　woman　of　fortune　in　his　daughter…in…law；　and　I　am



sometimes　quarrelling　with　myself　for　suffering　you　to　form　a　connection　so



imprudent；　but　the　influence　of　reason　is　often　acknowledged　too　late　by



those　who　feel　like　me。　I　have　now　been　but　a　few　months　a　widow；　and；



however　little　indebted　to　my　husband's　memory　for　any　happiness　derived



from　him　during　a　union　of　some　years；　I　cannot　forget　that　the　indelicacy



of　so　early　a　second　marriage　must　subject　me　to　the　censure　of　the　world；



and　incur；　what　would　be　still　more　insupportable；　the　displeasure　of　Mr。



Vernon。　I　might　perhaps　harden　myself　in　time　against　the　injustice　of



general　reproach；　but　the　loss　of　HIS　valued　esteem　I　am；　as　you　well　know；



ill…fitted　to　endure；　and　when　to　this　may　be　added　the　consciousness　of



having　injured　you　with　your　family；　how　am　I　to　support　myself？　With



feelings　so　poignant　as　mine；　the　conviction　of　having　divided　the　son　from



his　parents　would　make　me；　even　with　you；　the　most　miserable　of　beings。　It



will　surely；　therefore；　be　advisable　to　delay　our　unionto　delay　it　till



appearances　are　more　promisingtill　affairs　have　taken　a　more　favourable



turn。　To　assist　us　In　such　a　resolution　I　feel　that　absence　will　be



necessary。　We　must　not　meet。　Cruel　as　this　sentence　may　appear；　the



necessity　of　pronouncing　it；　which　can　alone　reconcile　it　to　myself；　will



be　evident　to　you　when　you　have　considered　our　　situation　in　the　light　in



which　I　have　found　myself　imperiously　obliged　to　place　it。　You　may　beyou



must　bewell　assured　that　nothing　but　the　strongest　conviction　of　duty



could　induce　me　to　wound　my　own　feelings　by　urging　a　lengthened　separation；



and　of　insensibility　to　yours　you　will　hardly　suspect　me。　Again；　therefore；



I　say　that　we　ought　not；　we　must　not；　yet　meet。　By　a　removal　for　some



months　from　each　other　we　shall　tranquillise　the　sisterly　fears　of　Mrs。



Vernon；　who；　accustomed　herself　to　the　enjoyment　of　riches；　considers



fortune　as　necessary　everywhere；　and　whose　sensibilities　are　not　of　a



nature　to　comprehend　ours。　Let　me　hear　from　you　soonvery　soon。　Tell　me



that　you　submit　to　my　arguments；　and　do　not　reproach　me　for　using　such。　I



cannot　bear　reproaches：　my　spirits　are　not　so　high　as　to　need　being



repressed。　I　must　endeavour　to　seek　amusement；　and　fortunately　many　of　my



friends　are　in　town　；　amongst　them　the　Mainwarings；　you　know　how　sincerely



I　regard　both　husband　and　wife。







I　am；　very　faithfully　yours；







S。　VERNON























XXXI











LADY　SUSAN　TO　MRS。　JOHNSON











Upper　Seymour　Street。











My　dear　Friend；That　tormenting　creature；　Reginald；　is　here。　My　letter；



which　was　intended　to　keep　him　longer　in　the　country；　has　hastened　him　to



town。　Much　as　I　wish　him　away；　however；　I　cannot　help　being　pleased　with



such　a　proof　of　attachment。　He　is　devoted　to　me；　heart　and　soul。　He　will



carry　this　note　himself；　which　is　to　serve　as　an　introduction　to　you；　with



whom　he　longs　to　be　acquainted。　Allow　him　to　spend　the　evening　with　you；



that　I　may　be　in　no　danger　of　his　returning　here。　I　have　told　him　that　I　am



not　quite　well；　and　must　be　alone；　and　should　he　call　again　there　might　be



confusion；　for　it　is　impossible　to　be　sure　of　servants。　Keep　him；



therefore；　I　entreat　you；　in　Edward　Street。　You　will　not　find　him　a　heavy



companion；　and　I　allow　you　to　flirt　with　him　as　much　as　you　like。　At　the



same　time；　do　not　forget　my　real　interest；　say　all　that　you　can　to　convince



him　that　I　shall　be　quite　wretched　if　he　remains　here　；　you　know　my



reasonspropriety；　and　so　forth。　I　would　urge　them　more　myself；　but　that　I



am　impatient　to　be　rid　of　him；　as　Mainwaring　comes　within　half　an　hour。



Adieu　！







S　VERNON























XXXII











MRS。　JOHNSON　TO　LADY　SUSAN











Edward　Street。











My　dear　Creature；I　am　in　agonies；　and　know　not　what　to　do。　Mr。　De



Courcy　arrived　just　when　he　should　not。　Mrs。　Mainwaring　had　that　instant



entered　the　house；　and　forced　herself　into　her　guardian's　presence；　though



I　did　not　know　a　syllable　of　it　till　afterwards；　for　I　was　out　when　both



she　and　Reginald　came；　or　I　should　have　sent　him　away　at　all　events；　but



she　was　shut　up　with　Mr。　Johnson；　while　he　waited　in　the　drawing…room　for



me。　She　arrived　yesterday　in　pursuit　o