anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第32章
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had uttered it。 He was not at all displeased at the recollection of a sarcasm thrown on a whole profession at once； when a gentleman leaving the company； somebody who sat next Dr。 Johnson asked him； who he was？ 〃I cannot exactly tell you； sir；〃 replied he； 〃and I would be loth to speak ill of any person who I do not know deserves it； but I am afraid he is an ATTORNEY。〃 He did not； however； encourage general satire； and for the most part professed himself to feel directly contrary to Dr。 Swift； 〃who；〃 says he； 〃hates the world； though he loves John and Robert； and certain individuals。〃
Johnson said always； 〃that the world was well constructed； but that the particular people disgraced the elegance and beauty of the general fabric。〃 In the same manner I was relating once to him how Dr。 Collier observed that the love one bore to children was from the anticipation one's mind made while one contemplated them。 〃We hope；〃 says he； 〃that they will sometime make wise men or amiable women； and we suffer 'em to take up our affection beforehand。 One cannot love LUMPS OF FLESH； and little infants are nothing more。〃 〃On the contrary；〃 says Johnson； 〃one can scarcely help wishing； while one fondles a baby； that it may never live to become a man； for it is so probable that when he becomes a man； he should be sure to end in a scoundrel。〃 Girls were less displeasing to him； 〃for as their temptations were fewer；〃 he said； 〃their virtue in this life； and happiness in the next； were less improbable； and he loved；〃 he said； 〃to see a knot of little misses dearly。〃
Needlework had a strenuous approver in Dr。 Johnson； who said 〃that one of the great felicities of female life was the general consent of the world that they might amuse themselves with petty occupations； which contributed to the lengthening their lives； and preserving their minds in a state of sanity。〃 〃A man cannot hem a pocket…handkerchief；〃 said a lady of quality to him one day； 〃and so he runs mad； and torments his family and friends。〃 The expression struck him exceedingly； and when one acquaintance grew troublesome； and another unhealthy； he used to quote Lady Frances's observation； 〃That a man cannot hem a pocket…handkerchief。〃
The nice people found no mercy from Mr。 Johnson； such； I mean； as can only dine at four o'clock； who cannot bear to be waked at an unusual hour； or miss a stated meal without inconvenience。 HE had no such prejudices himself； and with difficulty forgave them in another。 〃Delicacy does not surely consist；〃 says he； 〃in impossibility to be pleased； and that is false dignity indeed which is content to depend upon others。〃
The saying of the old philosopher who observes； 〃That he who wants least is most like the gods； who want nothing；〃 was a favourite sentence with Dr。 Johnson； who on his own part required less attendance； sick or well； than ever I saw any human creature。 Conversation was all he required to make him happy； and when he would have tea made at two o'clock in the morning； it was only that there might be a certainty of detaining his companions round him。 On that principle it was that he preferred winter to summer； when the heat of the weather gave people an excuse to stroll about and walk for pleasure in the shade； while he wished to sit still on a chair and chat day after day； till somebody proposed a drive in the coach； and that was the most delicious moment of his life。 〃But the carriage must stop some time；〃 he said； 〃and the people would come home at last；〃 so his pleasure was of short duration。
I asked him why he doated on a coach so？ and received for answer； 〃That in the first place the company were shut in with him THERE； and could not escape； as out of a room。 In the next place； he heard all that was said in a carriage； where it was my turn to be deaf；〃 and very impatient was he at my occasional difficulty of hearing。 On this account he wished to travel all over the world； for the very act of going forward was delightful to him； and he gave himself no concern about accidents； which he said never happened。 Nor did the running away of the horses on the edge of a precipice between Vernon and St。 Denis； in France； convince him to the contrary； 〃for nothing came of it；〃 he said； 〃except that Mr。 Thrale leaped out of the carriage into a chalk…pit； and then came up again looking AS WHITE！〃 When the truth was； all their lives were saved by the greatest Providence ever exerted in favour of three human creatures； and the part Mr。 Thrale took from desperation was the likeliest thing in the world to produce broken limbs and death。
Fear was indeed a sensation to which Mr。 Johnson was an utter stranger； excepting when some sudden apprehensions seized him that he was going to die； and even then he kept all his wits about him to express the most humble and pathetic petitions to the Almighty。 And when the first paralytic stroke took his speech from him； he instantly set about composing a prayer in Latin； at once to deprecate God's mercy； to satisfy himself that his mental powers remained unimpaired； and to keep them in exercise； that they might not perish by permitted stagnation。 This was after we parted； but he wrote me an account of it； and I intend to publish that letter； with many more。
When one day he had at my house taken tincture of antimony instead of emetic wine； for a vomit； he was himself the person to direct us what to do for him； and managed with as much coolness and deliberation as if he had been prescribing for an indifferent person。 Though on another occasion； when he had lamented in the most piercing terms his approaching dissolution； and conjured me solemnly to tell him what I thought； while Sir Richard Jebb was perpetually on the road to Streatham； and Mr。 Johnson seemed to think himself neglected if the physician left him for an hour only； I made him a steady； but as I thought a very gentle harangue； in which I confirmed all that the doctor had been saying； how no present danger could be expected； but that his age and continued ill…health must naturally accelerate the arrival of that hour which can be escaped by none。 〃And this；〃 says Johnson； rising in great anger； 〃is the voice of female friendship； I suppose； when the hand of the hangman would be softer。〃
Another day； when he was ill； and exceedingly low…spirited； and persuaded that death was not far distant； I appeared before him in a dark…coloured gown； which his bad sight； and worse apprehensions； made him mistake for an iron…grey。 〃Why do you delight；〃 said he； 〃thus to thicken the gloom of misery that surrounds me？ Is not here sufficient accumulation of horror without anticipated mourning？〃 〃This is not mourning； sir；〃 said I； drawing the curtain； that the light might fall upon the silk； and show it was a purple mixed with green。 〃Well； well；〃 replied he； changing his voice； 〃you little creatures should never wear those sort of clothes； however； they are unsuitable in every way。 What！ have not all insects gay colours？〃 I relate these instances chiefly to show that the fears of death itself could not suppress his wit； his sagacity； or his temptation to sudden resentment。
Mr。 Johnson did not like that his friends should bring their manuscripts for him to read； and he liked still less to read them when they were brought。 Sometimes； however； when he could not refuse； he would take the play or poem； or whatever it was； and give the people his opinion from some one page he had peeped into。 A gentleman carried him his tragedy； which； because he loved the author； Johnson took； and it lay about our rooms some time。 〃What answer did you give your friend； sir？〃 said I； after the book had been called for。 〃I told him；〃 replied he； 〃that there was too much TIG and TIRRY in it！〃 Seeing me laugh most violently； 〃Why； what would'st have； child？〃 said he。 〃I looked at the dramatis； and there was TIGranes and TIRIdates； or Teribazus； or such stuff。 A man can tell but what he knows； and I never got any farther than the first page。 Alas； madam！〃 continued he； 〃how few books are there of which one ever can possibly arrive at the LAST page。 Was there ever yet anything written by mere man that was wished longer by its readers； excepting 'Don Quixote；' '
