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mark twain, a biography, 1900-1907-µÚ13ÕÂ

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CCXX

MARK¡¡TWAIN¡¡AND¡¡THE¡¡PHILIPPINES

Among¡¡the¡¡completed¡¡manuscripts¡¡of¡¡the¡¡early¡¡part¡¡of¡¡1902¡¡was¡¡a¡¡North
American¡¡Review¡¡article¡¡£¨published¡¡in¡¡April£©¡¨Does¡¡the¡¡Race¡¡of¡¡Man¡¡Love
a¡¡Lord£¿¡¨a¡¡most¡¡interesting¡¡treatise¡¡on¡¡snobbery¡¡as¡¡a¡¡universal
weakness¡£¡¡¡¡There¡¡were¡¡also¡¡some¡¡papers¡¡on¡¡the¡¡Philippine¡¡situation¡£¡¡¡¡In
one¡¡of¡¡these¡¡Clemens¡¡wrote£º

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡We¡¡have¡¡bought¡¡some¡¡islands¡¡from¡¡a¡¡party¡¡who¡¡did¡¡not¡¡own¡¡them£»¡¡with
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡real¡¡smartness¡¡and¡¡a¡¡good¡¡counterfeit¡¡of¡¡disinterested¡¡friendliness
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡we¡¡coaxed¡¡a¡¡confiding¡¡weak¡¡nation¡¡into¡¡a¡¡trap¡¡and¡¡closed¡¡it¡¡upon
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¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡furnished¡¡heartbreak¡¡by¡¡exile¡¡to¡¡some¡¡dozens¡¡of¡¡disagreeable
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡patriots£»¡¡subjugated¡¡the¡¡remaining¡¡ten¡¡millions¡¡by¡¡Benevolent
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¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡of¡¡our¡¡business¡¡partner£»¡¡the¡¡Sultan¡¡of¡¡Sulu£»¡¡and¡¡hoisted¡¡our
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡protecting¡¡flag¡¡over¡¡that¡¡swag¡£

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡And¡¡so£»¡¡by¡¡these¡¡Providences¡¡of¡¡Godthe¡¡phrase¡¡is¡¡the¡¡government's£»
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡not¡¡minewe¡¡are¡¡a¡¡World¡¡Power£»¡¡and¡¡are¡¡glad¡¡and¡¡proud£»¡¡and¡¡have¡¡a
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¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡best¡¡of¡¡it¡£

And¡¡again¡¡he¡¡wrote£º

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡I¡¡am¡¡not¡¡finding¡¡fault¡¡with¡¡this¡¡use¡¡of¡¡our¡¡flag£»¡¡for¡¡in¡¡order¡¡not
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¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡suffer¡¡pollution£»¡¡and¡¡so¡¡when¡¡it¡¡was¡¡sent¡¡out¡¡to¡¡the¡¡Philippines¡¡to
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¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡compromise¡¡on¡¡that¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡am¡¡glad¡¡to¡¡have¡¡it¡¡that¡¡way¡£¡¡¡¡For¡¡our¡¡flag
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡could¡¡not¡¡well¡¡stand¡¡pollution£»¡¡never¡¡having¡¡been¡¡used¡¡to¡¡it£»¡¡but¡¡it
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡is¡¡different¡¡with¡¡the¡¡administration¡£

But¡¡a¡¡much¡¡more¡¡conspicuous¡¡comment¡¡on¡¡the¡¡Philippine¡¡policy¡¡was¡¡the¡¡so¡­
called¡¡¡¨Defense¡¡of¡¡General¡¡Funston¡¨¡¡for¡¡what¡¡Funston¡¡himself¡¡referred¡¡to
as¡¡a¡¡¡¨dirty¡¡Irish¡¡trick¡¨£»¡¡that¡¡is¡¡to¡¡say£»¡¡deception¡¡in¡¡the¡¡capture¡¡of
Aguinaldo¡£¡¡¡¡Clemens£»¡¡who¡¡found¡¡it¡¡hard¡¡enough¡¡to¡¡reconcile¡¡himself¡¡to¡­
any¡¡form¡¡of¡¡warfare£»¡¡was¡¡especially¡¡bitter¡¡concerning¡¡this¡¡particular
campaign¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡article¡¡appeared¡¡in¡¡the¡¡North¡¡American¡¡Review¡¡for¡¡May£»
1902£»¡¡and¡¡stirred¡¡up¡¡a¡¡good¡¡deal¡¡of¡¡a¡¡storm¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡wrote¡¡much¡¡more¡¡on¡¡the
subjectvery¡¡much¡¡morebut¡¡it¡¡is¡¡still¡¡unpublished¡£




CCXXI

THE¡¡RETURN¡¡OF¡¡THE¡¡NATIVE

One¡¡day¡¡in¡¡April£»¡¡1902£»¡¡Samuel¡¡Clemens¡¡received¡¡the¡¡following¡¡letter¡¡from
the¡¡president¡¡of¡¡the¡¡University¡¡of¡¡Missouri£º

MY¡¡DEAR¡¡MR¡£¡¡CLEMENS£»¡¡Although¡¡you¡¡received¡¡the¡¡degree¡¡of¡¡doctor¡¡of
literature¡¡last¡¡fall¡¡from¡¡Yale£»¡¡and¡¡have¡¡had¡¡other¡¡honors¡¡conferred¡¡upon
you¡¡by¡¡other¡¡great¡¡universities£»¡¡we¡¡want¡¡to¡¡adopt¡¡you¡¡here¡¡as¡¡a¡¡son¡¡of
the¡¡University¡¡of¡¡Missouri¡£¡¡¡¡In¡¡asking¡¡your¡¡permission¡¡to¡¡confer¡¡upon¡¡you
the¡¡degree¡¡of¡¡LL¡£D¡£¡¡¡¡the¡¡University¡¡of¡¡Missouri¡¡does¡¡not¡¡aim¡¡to¡¡confer¡¡an
honor¡¡upon¡¡you¡¡so¡¡much¡¡as¡¡to¡¡show¡¡her¡¡appreciation¡¡of¡¡you¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡rules¡¡of
the¡¡University¡¡forbid¡¡us¡¡to¡¡confer¡¡the¡¡degree¡¡upon¡¡any¡¡one¡¡in¡¡absentia¡£¡¡
I¡¡hope¡¡very¡¡much¡¡that¡¡you¡¡can¡¡so¡¡arrange¡¡your¡¡plans¡¡as¡¡to¡¡be¡¡with¡¡us¡¡on
the¡¡fourth¡¡day¡¡of¡¡next¡¡June£»¡¡when¡¡we¡¡shall¡¡hold¡¡our¡¡Annual¡¡Commencement¡£

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Very¡¡truly¡¡yours£»
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡R¡£¡¡H¡£¡¡JESSE¡£


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proffered¡¡honor¡¡such¡¡as¡¡this¡¡from¡¡one's¡¡native¡¡State¡¡was¡¡not¡¡a¡¡thing¡¡to
be¡¡declined¡£

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fresh£»¡¡wiry£»¡¡and¡¡capable¡¡as¡¡he¡¡had¡¡been¡¡forty¡­five¡¡years¡¡before¡£

¡¨I¡¡have¡¡become¡¡an¡¡old¡¡man¡£¡¡¡¡You¡¡are¡¡still¡¡thirty¡­five£»¡¨¡¡Clemens¡¡said¡£

They¡¡went¡¡to¡¡the¡¡Planters¡¡Hotel£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡news¡¡presently¡¡got¡¡around¡¡that
Mark¡¡Twain¡¡was¡¡there¡£¡¡¡¡There¡¡followed¡¡a¡¡sort¡¡of¡¡reception¡¡in¡¡the¡¡hotel
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patiently£»¡¡sat¡¡through¡¡the¡¡various¡¡recitals¡¡and¡¡orations¡¡and
orchestrations£»¡¡dreaming¡¡and¡¡remembering£»¡¡no¡¡doubt£»¡¡other¡¡high¡­school
commencements¡¡of¡¡more¡¡than¡¡half¡¡a¡¡century¡¡before£»¡¡seeing¡¡in¡¡some¡¡of¡¡those
young¡¡people¡¡the¡¡boys¡¡and¡¡girls¡¡he¡¡had¡¡known¡¡in¡¡that¡¡vanished¡¡time¡£¡¡¡¡A
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good¡¡one¡£¡¨

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