ragged lady, v2-第22章
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The blood went to Clementina's heart。 〃I don't suppose you had him in
mind； but what you said fitted him more than anyone I know of。 I could
have almost believed that he had been trying to convert you！〃 She stared
at him； and he laughed。 〃He tackled me one day there in Florence all of
a sudden； and I didn't know what to say； exactly。 Of course； I respected
his earnestness； but I couldn't accept his view of things and I tried to
tell him so。 I had to say just where I stood； and why； and I mentioned
some books that helped to get me there。 He said he never read anything
that went counter to his faith； and I saw that he didn't want to save me；
so much as be wanted to convince me。 He didn't know it； and I didn't
tell him that I knew it； but I got him to let me drop the subject。 He
seems to have been left over from a time when people didn't reason about
their beliefs； but only argued。 I didn't think there was a man like that
to be found so late in the century； especially a young man。 But that was
just where I was mistaken。 If there was to be a man of that kind at all；
it would have to be a young one。 He'll be a good deal opener…minded when
he's older。 He was conscientious； I could see that； and he did take the
Russian's death to heart as long as he was dead。 But I'd like to talk
with him ten years from now； he wouldn't be where he is。〃
Clementina was still silent； and she walked up the church steps from the
gondola without the power to speak。 She made no show of interest in the
pictures and statues； she never had really cared much for such things；
and now his attempts to make her look at them failed miserably。 When
they got back again into the boat he began； 〃Miss Clementina； I'm afraid
I oughtn't to have spoken as I did of that Mr。 Gregory。 If he is a
friend of yours〃
〃He is；〃 she made herself answer。
〃I didn't mean anything against him。 I hope you don't think I wanted to
be unfair？〃
〃You were not unfair。 But I oughtn't to have let you say it； Mr。 Hinkle。
I want to tell you something I mean； I must〃She found herself panting
and breathless。 〃You ought to know itMr。 Gregory isI mean we are〃
She stopped and she saw that she need not say more。
In the days that followed before the time that Hinkle had xed to leave
Venice； he tried to come as he had been coming； to see Mrs。 Lander； but
he evaded her when she wished to send him out with Clementina。 His
quaintness had a heartache in it for her； and he was boyishly simple in
his failure to hide his suffering。 He had no explicit right to suffer；
for he had asked nothing and been denied nothing； but perhaps for this
reason she suffered the more keenly for him。
A senseless resentment against Gregory for spoiling their happiness crept
into her heart； and she wished to show Hinkle how much she valued his
friendship at any risk and any cost。 When this led her too far she took
herself to task with a severity which hurt him too。 In the midst of the
impulses on which she acted； there were times when she had a confused
longing to appeal to him for counsel as to how she ought to behave toward
him。
There was no one else whom she could appeal to。 Mrs。 Lander； after her
first warning； had not spoken of him again； though Clementina could feel
in the grimness with which she regarded her variable treatment of him
that she was silently hoarding up a sum of inculpation which would crush
her under its weight when it should fall upon her。 She seemed to be
growing constantly better； now； and as the interval since her last attack
widened behind her； she began to indulge her appetite with a recklessness
which Clementina； in a sense of her own unworthiness； was helpless to
deal with。 When she ventured to ask her once whether she ought to eat of
something that was very unwholesome for her； Mrs。 Lander answered that
she had taken her case into her own hands； now； for she knew more about
it than all the doctors。 She would thank Clementina not to bother about
her； she added that she was at least not hurting anybody but herself； and
she hoped Clementina would always be able to say as much。
Clementina wished that Hinkle would go away； but not before she had
righted herself with him； and he lingered his month out； and seemed as
little able to go as she to let him。 She had often to be cheerful for
both； when she found it too much to be cheerful for herself。 In his
absence she feigned free and open talks with him； and explained
everything； and experienced a kind of ghostly comfort in his imagined
approval and forgiveness； but in his presence； nothing really happened
except the alternation of her kindness and unkindness； in which she was
too kind and then too unkind。
The morning of the' day he was at last to leave Venice； he came to say
good bye。 He did not ask for Mrs。 Lander； when the girl received him；
and he did not give himself time to lose courage before he began； 〃Miss
Clementina； I don't know whether I ought to speak to you after what I
understood you to mean about Mr。 Gregory。〃 He looked steadfastly at her
but she did not answer； and he went on。 〃There's just one chance in a
million； though； that I didn't understand you rightly； and I've made up
my mind that I want to take that chance。 May I？〃 She tried to speak；
but she could not。 〃If I was wrongif there was nothing between you and
himcould there ever be anything beween you and me？〃
His pleading looks entreated her even more than his words。
〃There was something；〃 she answered； 〃with him。〃
〃And I mustn't know what；〃 the young man said patiently。
〃Yesyes！〃 she returned eagerly。 〃Oh； yes！ I want you to knowI want
to tell you。 I was only sixteen yea's old； and he said that he oughtn't
to have spoken； we were both too young。 But last winta he spoke again。
He said that he had always felt bound〃 She stopped； and he got infirmly
to his feet。 〃I wanted to tell you from the fust； but〃
〃How could you？ You couldn't。 I haven't anything more to say； if you
are bound to him。〃
〃He is going to be a missionary and he wanted me to say that I would
believe just as he did； and I couldn't。 But I thought that it would come
right； andyes； I felt bound to him； too。 That is allI can't explain
it！〃
〃Oh； I understand！〃 he returned； listlessly。
〃And do you blame me for not telling before？〃 She made an involuntary
movement toward him； a pathetic gesture which both entreated and
compassionated。
〃There's nobody to blame。 You have tried to do just right by me； as well
as him。 Well； I've got my answer。 Mrs。 Landercan I〃
〃Why； she isn't up yet； Mr。 Hinkle。〃 Clementina put all her pain for him
into the expression of their regret。
〃Then I'll have to leave my good…bye for her with you。 I don't believe I
can come back again。〃 He looked round as if he were dizzy。 〃Good…bye；〃
he said； and offered his hand。 It was cold as clay。
When he was gone； Clementina went into Mrs： Lander's room； and gave her
his message。
〃Couldn't he have come back this aftanoon to see me； if he ain't goin'
till five？〃 she demanded jealously。
〃He said he couldn't come back；〃 Clementina answered sadly。
The woman turned her head on her pillow and looked at the girl's face。
〃Oh！〃 she said for all comment。
XXXI。
The Milrays came a month later； to seek a milder sun than they had left
burning in Florence。 The husband and wife had been sojourning there
since their arrival from Egypt； but they had not been his sister's
guests； and she did not now pretend to be of their party； though the same
train； even the same carriage； had brought her to Venice with them。 They
went to a hotel； and Miss Milray took lodgings where she always spent her
Junes； before going to the Tyrol for the summer。
〃You are wonderfully improved； every way；〃 Mrs。 Milray said to Clementina
when they met。 〃I knew you would be； if Miss Milray took you in hand；
and I can see she has。 What she doesn't know about the world isn't worth
knowing！ I hope she hasn't made you too worldly？ But if she has； she's
taught you how to keep from showing it； you're just as innocent…looking
as ever； and that's the main thing； you oughtn't to lose that。 You
w
