5 midnigh+sun-第34章
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return。 I changed the subject。
〃So why did your mother marry Phil？〃
She hesitated a minute before answering。 〃My mother？she's very young for her
age。 I think Phil makes her feel even younger。 At any rate； she's crazy about him。〃 She
shook her head indulgently。
〃Do you approve？〃 I wondered。
〃Does it matter？〃 she asked。 〃I want her to be happy？and he is who she wants。〃
The unselfishness of her comment would have shocked me； except that it fit in all
too well with what I'd learned of her character。
〃That's very generous？I wonder。〃
〃What？〃
〃Would she extend the same courtesy to you； do you think？ No matter who your
choice was？〃
It was a foolish question； and I could not keep my voice casual while I asked it。
How stupid to even consider someone approving of me for their daughter。 How stupid to
even think of Bella choosing me。
〃I…I think so；〃 she stuttered； reacting in some way to my gaze。 Fear？or
attraction？
〃But she's the parent； after all。 It's a little bit different；〃 she finished。
I smiled wryly。 〃No one too scary then。〃
She grinned at me。 〃What do you mean by scary？ Multiple facial piercings and
extensive tattoos？〃
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〃That's one definition； I suppose。〃 A very nonthreatening definition； to my mind。
〃What's your definition？〃
She always asked the wrong questions。 Or exactly the right questions； maybe。
The ones I didn't want to answer； at any rate。
〃Do you think that I could be scary？〃 I asked her； trying to smile a little。
She thought it through before answering me in a serious voice。 〃Hmm？I think
you could be； if you wanted to。〃
I was serious； too。 〃Are you frightened of me now？〃
She answered at once； not thinking this one through。 〃No。〃
I smiled more easily。 I did not think she was entirely telling the truth； but nor was
she truly lying。 She wasn't frightened enough to want to leave； at least。 I wondered how
she would feel if I told her she was having this discussion with a vampire。 I cringed
internally at her imagined reaction。
〃So； now are you going to tell me about your family？ It's got to be a much more
interesting story than mine。〃
A more frightening one； at least。
〃What do you want to know？〃 I asked cautiously。
〃The Cullens adopted you？〃
〃Yes。〃
She hesitated； then spoke in a small voice。 〃What happened to your parents？〃
This wasn't so hard； I wasn't even having to lie to her。 〃They died a very long
time ago。〃
〃I'm sorry；〃 she mumbled； clearly worried about having hurt me。
She was worried about me。
〃I don't really remember them that clearly；〃 I assured her。 〃Carlisle and Esme
have been my parents for a long time now。〃
〃And you love them；〃 she deduced。
I smiled。 〃Yes。 I couldn't imagine two better people。〃
〃You're very lucky。〃
〃I know I am。〃 In that one circumstance； the matter of parents； my luck could not
be denied。
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〃And your brother and sisters？〃
If I let her push for too many details； I would have to lie。 I glanced at the clock；
disheartened that my time with her was up。
〃My brother and sister； and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter； are going to be
quite upset if they have to stand in the rain waiting for me。〃
〃Oh； sorry； I guess you have to go。〃
She didn't move。 She didn't want our time to be up； either。 I liked that very； very
much。
〃And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home； so you
don't have to tell him about the Biology incident。〃 I grinned at the memory of her
embarrassment in my arms。
〃I'm sure he's already heard。 There are no secrets in Forks。〃 She said the name
of the town with distinct distaste。
I laughed at her words。 No secrets； indeed。 〃Have fun at the beach。〃 I glanced at
the pouring rain； knowing it would not last； and wishing more strongly than usual that it
could。 〃Good weather for sunbathing。〃 Well； it would be by Saturday。 She would enjoy
that。
〃Won't I see you tomorrow？〃
The worry in her tone pleased me。
〃No。 Emmett and I are starting the weekend early。〃 I was mad at myself now for
having made the plans。 I could break them？but there was no such thing as too much
hunting at this point； and my family was going to be concerned enough about my
behavior without me revealing how obsessive I was turning。
〃What are you going to do？〃 she asked； not sounded happy with my revelation。
Good。
〃We're going to be hiking in the Goat Rocks Wilderness； just south of Rainier。〃
Emmett was eager for bear season。
〃Oh； well； have fun；〃 she said halfheartedly。 Her lack of enthusiasm pleased me
again。
As I stared at her； I began to feel almost agonized at the thought of saying even a
temporary goodbye。 She was just so soft and vulnerable。 It seemed foolhardy to let her
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out of my sight； where anything could happen to her。 And yet； the worst things that could
happen to her would result from being with me。
〃Will you do something for me this weekend？〃 I asked seriously。
She nodded； her eyes wide and bewildered by my intensity。
Keep it light。
〃Don't be offended； but you seem to be one of those people who just attract
accidents like a magnet。 So？try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything； all
right？〃
I smiled ruefully at her； hoping she couldn't see the sadness in my eyes。 How
much I wished that she wasn't so much better off away from me； no matter what might
happen to her there。
Run； Bella； run。 I love you too much； for your good or mine。
She was offended by my teasing。 She glared at me。 〃I'll see what I can do；〃 she
snapped； jumping out into the rain and slamming the door as hard as she could behind
her。
Just like an angry kitten that believes it's a tiger。
I curled my hand around the key I'd just picked from her jacket pocket； and
smiled as I drove away。
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7。 Melody
I had to wait when I got back to school。 The final hour wasn't out yet。 That was good；
because I had things to think about and I needed the alone time。
Her scent lingered in the car。 I kept the windows up； letting it assault me； trying
to get used to the feel of intentionally torching my throat。
Attraction。
It was a problematic thing to contemplate。 So many sides to it； so many different
meanings and levels。 Not the same thing as love； but tied up in it inextricably。
I had no idea if Bella was attracted to me。 （Would her mental silence somehow
continue to get more and more frustrating until I went mad？ Or was there a limit that I
would eventually reach？）
I tried to compare her physical responses to others； like the secretary and Jessica
Stanley； but the comparison was inconclusive。 The same markers—changes in heart rate
and breathing patterns—could just as easily mean fear or shock or anxiety as they did
interest。 It seemed unlikely that Bella could be entertaining the same kinds of thoughts
that Jessica Stanley used to have。 After all； Bella knew very well that there was
something wrong with me； even if she didn't know what exactly it was。 She had touched
my icy skin； and then yanked her hand away from the chill。
And yet？as I remembered those fantasies that used to repulse me； but
remembered them with Bella in Jessica's place？
I was breathing more quickly； the fire clawing up and down my throat。
What if it had been Bella imagining me with my arms wrapped around her fragile
body？ Feeling me pull her tightly against my chest and then cupping my hand under her
chin？ Brushing the heavy curtain of her hair back from her blushing face？ Tracing the
shape of her full lips with my fingertips？ Leaning my face closer to hers； where I could
feel the heat of her breath on my mouth？ Moving closer still？
But then I flinched away from the daydream； knowing； as I had known when
Jessica had imagined these things； what would happen if I got that close to her。
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Attraction was an impossible dilemma； because I was already too attracted to
Bella in the worst way。
Did I want Bella to be attracted to me； a woman to a man？
That was the wrong question。 The r
