5 midnigh+sun-第43章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
〃Bella？〃 I asked through my teeth。
〃Yes？〃 she responded huskily。 She cleared her throat。
〃Are you all right？〃 That was really the most important thing； the first priority。
Retribution was secondary。 I knew that； but my body was so filled with rage that it was
hard to think。
〃Yes。〃 Her voice was still thick—with fear； no doubt。
And so I could not leave her。
Even if she wasn't at constant risk for some infuriating reason—some joke the
universe was playing on me—even if I could be sure that she would be perfectly safe in
my absence； I could not leave her alone in the dark。
She must be so frightened。
Yet I was in no condition to comfort her—even if I knew exactly how that was to
be accomplished； which I did not。 Surely she could feel the brutality radiating out of me；
surely that much was obvious。 I would frighten her even more if I could not calm the lust
for slaughter boiling inside me。
I needed to think about something else。
〃Distract me； please；〃 I pleaded。
〃I'm sorry； what？〃
I barely had enough control to try to explain what I needed。
〃Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down；〃 I instructed； my
jaw still locked。 Only the fact that she needed me held me inside the car。 I could hear the
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
175
man's thoughts； his disappointment and anger？ I knew where to find him？ I closed
my eyes； wishing that I couldn't see anyway？
〃Um？〃 She hesitated—trying to make sense of my request； I imagined。 〃I'm
going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school？〃 She said this like it was a
question。
Yes—this was what I needed。 Of course Bella would come up with something
unexpected。 Like it had been before； the threat of violence coming through her lips was
hilarious—so comical it was jarring。 If I had not been burning with the urge to kill； I
would have laughed。
〃Why？〃 I barked out； to force her to speak again。
〃He's telling everyone that he's taking me to prom；〃 she said； her voice filled
with her tiger…kitten outrage。 〃Either he's insane or he's still trying to make up for
almost killing me last？well you remember it；〃 she inserted dryly； 〃and he thinks prom is
somehow the correct way to do this。 So I figure if I endanger his life； then we're even；
and he can't keep trying to make amends。 I don't need enemies and maybe Lauren would
back off if he left me alone。 I might have to total his Sentra； though；〃 she went on；
thoughtful now。 〃If he doesn't have a ride he can't take anyone to prom？〃
It was encouraging to see that she sometimes got things wrong。 Tyler's
persistence had nothing to do with the accident。 She didn't seem to understand the appeal
she held for the human boys at the high school。 Did she not see the appeal she had for
me； either？
Ah； it was working。 The baffling processes of her mind were always engrossing。
I was beginning to gain control of myself； to see something beyond vengeance and
torture？
〃I heard about that；〃 I told her。 She had stopped talking； and I needed her to
continue。
〃You did？〃 she asked incredulously。 And then her voice was angrier than before。
〃If he's paralyzed from the neck down； he can't go to the prom either。〃
I wished there was someway I could ask her to continue with the threats of death
and bodily harm with out sounding insane。 She couldn't have picked a better way to
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
176
calm me。 And her words—just sarcasm in her case； hyperbole—were a reminder I dearly
needed in this moment。
I sighed； and opened my eyes。
〃Better？〃 she asked timidly。
〃Not really。〃
No； I was calmer； but not better。 Because I'd just realized that I could not kill the
monster named Lonnie； and I still wanted that more than almost anything else in the
world。 Almost。
The only thing in this moment that I wanted more than to commit a highly
justifiable murder； was this girl。 And； though I couldn't have her； just the dream of
having her made it impossible for me to go on a killing spree tonight—no matter how
defensible such a thing might be。
Bella deserved better than a killer。
I'd spent seven decades trying to be something other than that—anything other
than a killer。 Those years of effort could never make me worthy of the girl sitting beside
me。 And yet； I felt that if I returned to that life—the life of a killer—for even one night； I
would surely put her out of my reach forever。 Even if I didn't drink their blood—even if
I didn't have that evidence blazing red in my eyes—wouldn't she sense the difference？
I was trying to be good enough for her。 It was an impossible goal。 I would keep
trying。
〃What's wrong？〃 she whispered。
Her breath filled my nose； and I was reminded why I could not deserve her。 After
all of this； even with as much as I loved her？she still made my mouth water。
I would give her as much honesty as I could。 I owed her that。
〃Sometimes I have a problem with my temper； Bella。〃 I stared out into the black
night； wishing both that she would hear the horror inherent in my words and also that she
would not。 Mostly that she would not。 Run； Bella； run。 Stay； Bella； stay。 〃But it
wouldn't be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those？〃 Just thinking about it
almost pulled me from the car。 I took a deep breath； letting her scent scorch down my
throat。 〃At least； that's what I'm trying to convince myself。〃
〃Oh。〃
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
177
She said nothing else。 How much had she heard in my words？ I glanced at her
furtively； but her face was unreadable。 Blank with shock； perhaps。 Well； she wasn't
screaming。 Not yet。
It was quiet for a moment。 I warred with myself； trying to be what I should be。
What I couldn't be。
〃Jessica and Angela will be worried；〃 she said quietly。 Her voice was very calm；
and I was not sure how that could be。 Was she in shock？ Maybe tonight's events hadn't
sunk in for her yet。 〃I was supposed to meet them。〃
Did she want to be away from me？ Or was she just worried about her friends'
worry？
I didn't answer her； but I started the car and took her back。 Every inch closer I
got to the town； the harder it was to hold on to my purpose。 I was just so close to him？
If it was impossible—if I could never have nor deserve this girl—then where was
the sense in letting the man go unpunished？ Surely I could allow myself that much？
No。 I wasn't giving up。 Not yet。 I wanted her too much to surrender。
We were at the restaurant where she was supposed to meet her friends before I'd
even begun to make sense of my thoughts。 Jessica and Angela were finished eating； and
both now truly worried about Bella。 They were on their way to search for her； heading
off along the dark street。
It was not a good night for them to be wandering—
〃How did you know where？？〃 Bella's unfinished question interrupted me； and I
realized that I had made yet another gaffe。 I'd been too distracted to remember to ask her
where she was supposed to meet her friends。
But； instead of finishing the inquiry and pressing the point； Bella just shook her
head and half…smiled。
What did that mean？
Well； I didn't have time to puzzle over her strange acceptance of my stranger
knowledge。 I opened my door。
〃What are you doing？〃 she asked； sounding startled。
Not letting you out of my sight。 Not allowing myself to be alone tonight。 In that
order。 〃I'm taking you to dinner。〃
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
178
Well this should be interesting。 It seemed like another night entirely when I'd
imagined bringing Alice along and pretending to choose the same restaurant as Bella and
her friends by accident。 And now； here I was； practically on a date with the girl。 Only it
didn't count； because I wasn't giving her a chance to say no。
She already had her door half open before I'd walked around the car—it wasn't
usually so frustrating to have to move at an inconspicuous speed—instead of waiting for
me to get it for her。 Was this because she wasn't used to being treated like a lady； or
because she didn't think of me as a gentleman？
I waited for her to join me； getting more anxious a
