5 midnigh+sun-第45章
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〃Oh； come on；〃 Bella chided me when I didn't answer immediately。 〃You have
to know the effect you have on people。〃
〃I dazzle people？〃 That was an interesting way of phrasing it。 Accurate enough
for tonight。 I wondered why the difference？
〃You haven't noticed？〃 she asked； still critical。 〃Do you think everybody gets
their way so easily？〃
〃Do I dazzle you？〃 I voiced my curiosity impulsively； and then the words were
out； and it was too late to recall them。
But before I had time to too deeply regret speaking the words aloud she answered；
〃Frequently。〃 And her cheeks took on a faint pink glow。
I dazzled her。
My silent heart swelled with a hope more intense than I could ever remember
having felt before。
〃Hello；〃 someone said； the waitress； introducing herself。 Her thoughts were loud；
and more explicit than the hostess's； but I tuned her out。 I stared at Bella's face instead
of listening； watching the blood spreading under her skin； noticing not how that made my
throat flame； but rather how it brightened her fair face； how it set off the cream of her
skin？
The waitress was waiting for something from me。 Ah； she'd asked for our drink
order。 I continued to stare at Bella； and the waitress grudgingly turned to look at her； too。
〃I'll have a coke？〃 Bella said； as if asking for approval。
〃Two cokes；〃 I amended。 Thirst—normal； human thirst—was a sign of shock。 I
would make sure she had the extra sugar from the soda in her system。
She looked healthy； though。 More than healthy。 She looked radiant。
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183
〃What？〃 she demanded—wondering why I was staring； I guessed。 I was vaguely
aware that the waitress had left。
〃How are you feeling？〃 I asked。
She blinked； surprised by the question。 〃I'm fine。〃
〃You don't feel dizzy； sick； cold？〃
She was even more confused now。 〃Should I？〃
〃Well； I actually I'm waiting for you to go into shock。〃 I half…smiled； expecting
her denial。 She would not want to be taken care of。
It took her a minute to answer me。 Her eyes were slightly unfocused。 She looked
that way sometimes； when I smiled at her。 Was she？dazzled？
I would love to believe that。
〃I don't think that will happen。 I've always been very good at repressing
unpleasant things；〃 she answered； a little breathless。
Did she have a lot of practice with unpleasant things； then？ Was her life always
this hazardous？
〃Just the same；〃 I told her。 〃I'll feel better when you have some sugar and food in
you。〃
The waitress returned with the cokes and a basket of bread。 She put them in front
of me； and asked for my order； trying to catch my eye in the process。 I indicated that she
should attend to Bella； and then went back to tuning her out。 She had a vulgar mind。
〃Um？〃 Bella glanced quickly at the menu。 〃I'll have the mushroom ravioli。〃
The waitress turned back to me eagerly。 〃And you？〃
〃Nothing for me。〃
Bella made a slight face。 Hmm。 She must have noticed that I never ate food。 She
noticed everything。 And I always forgot to be careful around her。
I waited till we were alone again。
〃Drink；〃 I insisted。
I was surprised when she complied immediately and without objection。 She
drank until the glass was entirely empty； so I pushed the second coke toward her；
frowning a little。 Thirst； or shock？
She drank a little more； and then shuddered once。
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184
〃Are you cold？〃
〃It's just the coke；〃 she said； but she shivered again； her lips trembling slightly as
if her teeth were about to chatter。
The pretty blouse she wore looked too thin to protect her adequately； it clung to
her like a second skin； almost as fragile as the first。 She was so frail； so mortal。 〃Don't
you have a jacket？〃
〃Yes。〃 She looked around herself； a little perplexed。 〃Oh—I left it in Jessica's
car。〃
I pulled off my jacket； wishing that the gesture was not marred by my body
temperature。 It would have been nice to have been able to offer her a warm coat。 She
stared at me； her cheeks warming again。 What was she thinking now？
I handed her the jacket across the table； and she put it on at once； and then
shuddered again。
Yes； it would be very nice to be warm。
〃Thanks；〃 she said。 She took a deep breath； and then pushed the too…long sleeves
back to free her hands。 She took another deep breath。
Was the evening finally settling in？ Her color was still good； her skin was cream
and roses against the deep blue of her shirt。
〃That color blue looks lovely with your skin；〃 I complimented her。 Just being
honest。
She flushed； enhancing the effect。
She looked well； but there was no point in taking chances。 I pushed the basket of
bread toward her。
〃Really；〃 she objected； guessing my motives。 〃I'm not going into shock。〃
〃You should be—a normal person would be。 You don't even look shaken。〃 I
stared at her； disapproving； wondering why she couldn't be normal and then wondering if
really wanted her to be that way。
〃I feel very safe with you；〃 she said； her eyes； again； filled with trust。 Trust I
didn't deserve。
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185
Her instincts were all wrong—backwards。 That must be the problem。 She didn't
recognize danger the way a human being should be able to。 She had the opposite
reaction。 Instead of running； she lingered； drawn to what should frighten her？
How could I protect her from myself when neither of us wanted that？
〃This is more complicated than I'd planned；〃 I murmured。
I could see her turning my words over in her head； and I wondered what she made
of them。 She took a breadstick and began to eat without seeming aware of the action。
She chewed for a moment； and then leaned her head to one side thoughtfully。
〃Usually you're in a better mood when your eyes are so light；〃 she said in a
casual tone。
Her observation； stated so matter of factly； left me reeling。 〃What？〃
〃You're always crabbier when your eyes are black—I expect it then。 I have a
theory about that；〃 she added lightly。
So she had come up with her own explanation。 Of course she had。 I felt a deep
sense of dread as I wondered how close she'd come to the truth。
〃More theories？〃
〃Mm…hm。〃 She chewed on another bite； entirely nonchalant。 As if she weren't
discussing the aspects of a monster with the monster himself。
〃I hope you were more creative this time？〃 I lied when she didn't continue。
What I really hoped was that she was wrong—miles wide of the mark。 〃Or are you still
stealing from comic books？〃
〃Well； no； I didn't get it from a comic book；〃 she said； a little embarrassed。 〃But
I didn't come up with it on my own； either。〃
〃And？〃 I asked between my teeth。
Surely should would not speak so calmly if she were about to scream。
As she hesitated； biting her lip； the waitress reappeared with Bella's food。 I paid
the server little attention as she set the plate in front of Bella and then asked if I wanted
anything。
I declined； but asked for more coke。 The waitress hadn't noticed the empty
glasses。 She took them and left。
〃You were saying？〃 I prompted anxiously as soon as we were alone again。
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〃I'll tell you about it in the car；〃 she said in a low voice。 Ah； this would be bad。
She wasn't willing to speak her guesses around others。 〃If？〃 she tacked on suddenly。
〃There are conditions？〃 I was so tense I almost growled the words。
〃I do have a few questions； of course。〃
〃Of course；〃 I agreed； my voice hard。
Her questions would probably be enough to tell me where her thoughts were
heading。 But how would I answer them？ With responsible lies？ Or would I drive her
away with truth？ Or would I say nothing； unable to decide？
We sat in silence while the waitress replenished her supply of soda。
〃Well； go ahead；〃 I said； jaw locked； when she was gone。
〃Why are you in Port Angeles？〃
That was too easy a question—for her。 It gave away nothing； while my answer； if
truthful； would give away much too much。 Let her reveal something first。
〃Next；〃 I said。
〃But that's the easiest one！'
〃Next；〃 I said again。
She was frustrated by my refusal。 She looked away fro
