evergreens-第4章

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keep　on　doing　this；　until　the　dog　is　thoroughly　cowed　and　exhausted。
Once　he　is　thoroughly　cowed；　the　thing's　donedog's　as　gentle　as　a
lamb　after　that。〃

〃Oh！〃　says　my　uncle；　rising　from　his　chair；　〃you　think　that　a　good
way；　do　you？〃

〃Certainly；〃　replied　the　next…door…but…one　man；　〃it　never　fails。〃

〃Oh！　　I　wasn't　doubting　it；〃　said　my　uncle；　〃only　it's　just　occurred
to　me　that　as　you　understand　the　knack　of　these　things；　perhaps
_you'd_　like　to　come　in　and　try　_your_　hand　on　the　dog？　　We　can　give
you　a　room　quite　to　yourselves；　and　I'll　undertake　that　nobody　comes
near　to　interfere　with　you。　　And　ifif；〃　continued　my　uncle；　with
that　kindly　thoughtfulness　which　ever　distinguished　his　treatment　of
others；　〃_if_；　by　any　chance；　you　should　miss　hitting　the　dog　at　the
proper　critical　moment；　or；　if　_you_　should　get　cowed　and　exhausted
first；　instead　of　the　dogwhy；　I　shall　only　be　too　pleased　to　take
the　whole　burden　of　the　funeral　expenses　on　my　own　shoulders；　and　I
hope　you　know　me　well　enough　to　feel　sure　that　the　arrangements　will
be　tasteful；　and；　at　the　same　time；　unostentatious！〃

And　out　my　uncle　walked。

We　next　consulted　the　butcher；　who　agreed　that　the　prize…ring　method
was　absurd；　especially　when　recommended　to　a　short…winded；　elderly
family　man；　and　who　recommended；　instead；　plenty　of　out…door　exercise
for　the　dog；　under　my　uncle's　strict　supervision　and　control。

〃Get　a　fairly　long　chain　for　him；〃　said　the　butcher；　〃and　take　him　out
for　a　good　stiff　run　every　evening。　　Never　let　him　get　away　from　you；
make　him　mind　you；　and　bring　him　home　always　thoroughly　exhausted。
You　stick　to　that　for　a　month　or　two；　regular；　and　you'll　have　him
like　a　little　child。〃

〃Um！seems　to　me　that　I'm　going　to　get　more　training　over　his　job
than　anybody　else；〃　muttered　my　uncle；　as　he　thanked　the　man　and　left
the　shop；　〃but　I　suppose　it's　got　to　be　done。　　Wish　I'd　never　had　the
d…　dog　now！〃

So；　religiously；　every　evening；　my　uncle　would　fasten　a　long　chain　to
that　poor　dog；　and　drag　him　away　from　his　happy　home　with　the　idea　of
exhausting　him；　and　the　dog　would　come　back　as　fresh　as　paint；　my
uncle　behind　him；　panting　and　clamoring　for　brandy。

My　uncle　said　he　should　never　have　dreamed　there　could　have　been　such
stirring　times　in　this　prosaic　nineteenth　century　as　he　had；　training
that　dog。

Oh；　the　wild；　wild　scamperings　over　the　breezy　commonthe　dog　trying
to　catch　a　swallow；　and　my　uncle；　unable　to　hold　him　back；　following
at　the　other　end　of　the　chain！

Oh；　the　merry　frolics　in　the　fields；　when　the　dog　wanted　to　kill　a
cow；　and　the　cow　wanted　to　kill　the　dog；　and　they　each　dodged　round　my
uncle；　trying　to　do　it！

And；　oh；　the　pleasant　chats　with　the　old　ladies　when　the　dog　wound　the
chain　into　a　knot　around　their　legs；　and　upset　them；　and　my　uncle　had
to　sit　down　in　the　road　beside　them；　and　untie　them　before　they　could
get　up　again！

But　a　crisis　came　at　last。　　It　was　a　Saturday　afternoonuncle　being
exercised　by　dog　in　usual　waynervous　children　playing　in　road；　see
dog；　scream；　and　runplayful　young　dog　thinks　it　a　game；　jerks　chain
out　of　uncle's　grasp；　and　flies　after　themuncle　flies　after　dog；
calling　it　namesfond　parent　in　front　garden；　seeing　beloved　children
chased　by　savage　dog；　followed　by　careless　owner；　flies　after　uncle；
calling　_him_　nameshouseholders　come　to　doors　and　cry；
〃Shame！〃also　throw　things　at　dogthings　don't　hit　dog；　hit
unclethings　that　don't　hit　uncle；　hit　fond　parentthrough　the
village　and　up　the　hill；　over　the　bridge　and　round　by　the　greengrand
run；　mile　and　a　half　without　a　break！　　Children　sink　exhausteddog
gambols　up　among　themchildren　go　into　fitsfond　parent　and　uncle
come　up　together；　both　breathless。

〃Why　don't　you　call　your　dog　off；　you　wicked　old　man？〃

〃Because　I　can't　recollect　his　name；　you　old　fool；　you！〃

Fond　parent　accuses　uncle　of　having　set　dog　onuncle；　indignant；
reviles　fond　parentexasperated　fond　parent　attacks　uncleuncle
retaliates　with　umbrellafaithful　dog　comes　to　assistance　of　uncle；
and　inflicts　great　injury　on　fond　parentarrival　of　policedog
attacks　policeuncle　and　fond　parent　both　taken　into　custodyuncle
fined　five　pounds　and　costs　for　keeping　a　ferocious　dog　at
largeuncle　fined　five　pounds　and　costs　for　assault　on　fond
parentuncle　fined　five　pounds　and　cost　for　assault　on　police！

My　uncle　gave　the　dog　away　soon　after　that。　　He　did　not　waste　him。　　He
gave　him　as　a　wedding…present　to　a　near　relation。

But　the　saddest　story　I　ever　heard　in　connection　with　a　bull…dog；　was
one　told　by　my　aunt　herself。

Now　you　can　rely　upon　this　story；　because　it　is　not　one　of　mine；　it　is
one　of　my　aunt's；　and　she　would　scorn　to　tell　a　lie。　　This　is　a　story
you　could　tell　to　the　heathen；　and　feel　that　you　were　teaching　them
the　truth　and　doing　them　good。　　They　give　this　story　out　at　all　the
Sunday…schools　in　our　part　of　the　country；　and　draw　moral　lessons　from
it。　　It　is　a　story　that　a　little　child　can　believe。

It　happened　in　the　old　crinoline　days。　　My　aunt；　who　was　then　living
in　a　country…town；　had　gone　out　shopping　one　morning；　and　was　standing
in　the　High　Street；　talking　to　a　lady　friend；　a　Mrs。　Gumworthy；　the
doctor's　wife。　　She　（my　aunt）　had　on　a　new　crinoline　that　morning；　in
which；　to　use　her　own　expression；　she　rather　fancied　herself。　　It　was
a　tremendously　big　one；　as　stiff　as　a　wire…fence；　and　it　〃set〃
beautifully。

They　were　standing　in　front　of　Jenkins'；　the　draper's；　and　my　aunt
thinks　that　itthe　crinolinemust　have　got　caught　up　in　something；
and　an　opening　thus　left　between　it　and　the　ground。　　However　this　may
be；　certain　it　is　that　an　absurdly　large　and　powerful　bull…dog；　who
was　fooling　round　about　there　at　the　time；　managed；　somehow　or　other；
to　squirm　in　under　my　aunt's　crinoline；　and　effectually　imprison
himself　beneath　it。

Finding　himself　suddenly　in　a　dark　and　gloomy　chamber；　the　dog；
naturally　enough；　got　frightened；　and　made　frantic　rushes　to　get　out。
But　whichever　way　he　charged；　there　was　the　crinoline　in　front　of　him。
As　he　flew；　he；　of　course；　carried　it　before　him；　and　with　the
crinoline；　of　course；　went　my　aunt。

But　nobody　knew　the　explanation。　　My　aunt　herself　did　not　know　what
had　happened。　　Nobody　had　seen　the　dog　creep　inside　the　crinoline。
All　that　the　people　did　see　was　a　staid　and　eminently　respectable
middle…aged　lady　suddenly；　and　without　any　apparent　reason；　throw　her
umbrella　down　in　the　road；　fly　up　the　High　Street　at　the　rate　of　ten
miles　an　hour；　rush　across　it　at　the　imminent　risk　of　her　life；　dart
down　it　again　on　the　other　side；　rush　sideways；　like　an　excited　crab；
into　a　grocer's　shop；　run　three　times　round　the　shop；　upsetting　the
whole　stock…in…trade；　come　out　of　the　shop　backward　and　knock　down　a
postman；　dash　into　the　roadway　and　spin　round　twice；　hover　for　a
moment；　undecided；　on　the　curb；　and　then　away　up　the　hill　again；　as　if
she　had　only　just　started；　all　the　while　screaming　out　at　the　top　of
her　voice　for　somebody　to　stop　her！

Of　course；　everybody　thought　she　was　mad。　　The　people　flew　before　her
like　chaff　before　the　wind。　　In　less　than　five　seconds　the　High　Street
was　a　desert。　　The　townsfolk　scampered　into　their　shops　and　houses　and
barricaded　the　doors。　　Brave　men　dashed　out　and　caught　up　little
children　and　bore　them　to　places　of　safety　amid　cheers。　　Carts　and
carriages　were　abandoned；　while　the　drivers　climbed　up　lamp…posts！

What　would　have　happened　had　the　affair　gone　on　much　longerwhether
my　aunt　would　have　been　shot；　or　the　fire…engine　brought　into
requisition　against　herit　is　impossible；　having　regard　to　the
terrified　state　of　the　crowd；　to　say。　　Fortunately　for　her；　she　became
exhausted。　　With　one　despairing　shriek　she　gave　way；　and　sat　down　on
the　dog；　and　peace　reigned　once　again　in　that　sweet　rural　town。







THE　END。