the story of an african farm-第3章

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solemn　and　earnest　demeanour；　he　began　to　add　it　up　aloud：　　〃Six　and　two　is

eightand　four　is　twelveand　two　is　fourteenand　four　is　eighteen。〃　

Here　he　paused。　　〃And　four　is　eighteenandfouriseighteen。〃　　The　last

was　very　much　drawled。　　Slowly　the　pencil　slipped　from　his　fingers；　and　the

slate　followed　it　into　the　sand。　　For　a　while　he　lay　motionless；　then　began

muttering　to　himself；　folded　his　little　arms；　laid　his　head　down　upon　them；

and　might　have　been　asleep；　but　for　the　muttering　sound　that　from　time　to

time　proceeded　from　him。　　A　curious　old　ewe　came　to　sniff　at　him；　but　it

was　long　before　he　raised　his　head。　　When　he　did；　he　looked　at　the　far…off

hills　with　his　heavy　eyes。



〃Ye　shall　receiveye　shall　receiveshall；　shall；　shall；〃　he　muttered。



He　sat　up　then。　　Slowly　the　dulness　and　heaviness　melted　from　his　face；　it

became　radiant。　　Midday　had　come　now；　and　the　sun's　rays　were　poured　down

vertically；　the　earth　throbbed　before　the　eye。



The　boy　stood　up　quickly；　and　cleared　a　small　space　from　the　bushes　which

covered　it。　　Looking　carefully；　he　found　twelve　small　stones　of　somewhat

the　same　size；　kneeling　down；　he　arranged　them　carefully　on　the　cleared

space　in　a　square　pile；　in　shape　like　an　altar。　　Then　he　walked　to　the　bag

where　his　dinner　was　kept；　in　it　was　a　mutton　chop　and　a　large　slice　of

brown　bread。　　The　boy　took　them　out　and　turned　the　bread　over　in　his　hand；

deeply　considering　it。　　Finally　he　threw　it　away　and　walked　to　the　altar

with　the　meat；　and　laid　it　down　on　the　stones。　　Close　by　in　the　red　sand　he

knelt　down。　　Sure；　never　since　the　beginning　of　the　world　was　there　so

ragged　and　so　small　a　priest。　　He　took　off　his　great　hat　and　placed　it

solemnly　on　the　ground；　then　closed　his　eyes　and　folded　his　hands。　　He

prayed　aloud：



〃Oh；　God；　my　Father；　I　have　made　Thee　a　sacrifice。　　I　have　only　twopence；

so　I　cannot　buy　a　lamb。　　If　the　lambs　were　mine；　I　would　give　Thee　one；　but

now　I　have　only　this　meat；　it　is　my　dinner　meat。　　Please；　my　Father；　send

fire　down　from　heaven　to　burn　it。　　Thou　hast　said；　Whosoever　shall　say　unto

this　mountain；　Be　thou　cast　into　the　sea；　nothing　doubting；　it　shall　be

done。　　I　ask　for　the　sake　of　Jesus　Christ。　　Amen。〃



He　knelt　down　with　his　face　upon　the　ground；　and　he　folded　his　hands　upon

his　curls。　　The　fierce　sun　poured　down　its　heat　upon　his　head　and　upon　his

altar。　　When　he　looked　up　he　knew　what　he　should　seethe　glory　of　God！　

For　fear　his　very　heart　stood　still；　his　breath　came　heavily；　he　was　half

suffocated。　　He　dared　not　look　up。　　Then　at　last　he　raised　himself。　　Above

him　was　the　quiet　blue　sky；　about　him　the　red　earth；　there　were　the　clumps

of　silent　ewes　and　his　altarthat　was　all。



He　looked　upnothing　broke　the　intense　stillness　of　the　blue　overhead。　　He

looked　round　in　astonishment；　then　he　bowed　again；　and　this　time　longer

than　before。



When　he　raised　himself　the　second　time　all　was　unaltered。　　Only　the　sun　had

melted　the　fat　of　the　little　mutton　chop；　and　it　ran　down　upon　the　stones。



Then；　the　third　time　he　bowed　himself。　　When　at　last　he　looked　up；　some

ants　had　come　to　the　meat　on　the　altar。　　He　stood　up　and　drove　them　away。　

Then　he　put　his　hat　on　his　hot　curls；　and　sat　in　the　shade。　　He　clasped　his

hands　about　his　knees。　　He　sat　to　watch　what　would　come　to　pass。　　The　glory

of　the　Lord　God　Almighty！　　He　knew　he　should　see　it。



〃My　dear　God　is　trying　me；〃　he　said；　and　he　sat　there　through　the　fierce

heat　of　the　afternoon。　　Still　he　watched　and　waited　when　the　sun　began　to

slope；　and　when　it　neared　the　horizon　and　the　sheep　began　to　cast　long

shadows　across　the　karoo；　he　still　sat　there。　　He　hoped　when　the　first　rays

touched　the　hills　till　the　sun　dipped　behind　them　and　was　gone。　　Then　he

called　his　ewes　together；　and　broke　down　the　altar；　and　threw　the　meat　far；

far　away　into　the　field。



He　walked　home　behind　his　flock。　　His　heart　was　heavy。　　He　reasoned　so：　

〃God　cannot　lie。　　I　had　faith。　　No　fire　came。　　I　am　like　CainI　am　not

His。　　He　will　not　hear　my　prayer。　　God　hates　me。〃



The　boy's　heart　was　heavy。　　When　he　reached　the　kraal　gate　the　two　girls

met　him。



〃Come；〃　said　the　yellow…haired　Em；　〃let　us　play　coop。〃　　There　is　still　time

before　it　gets　quite　dark。　　You；　Waldo；　go　and　hide　on　the　kopje；　Lyndall

and　I　will　shut　eyes　here；　and　we　will　not　look。〃



The　girls　hid　their　faces　in　the　stone　wall　of　the　sheep…kraal；　and　the　boy

clambered　half　way　up　the　kopje。　　He　crouched　down　between　two　stones　and

gave　the　call。　　Just　then　the　milk…herd　came　walking　out　of　the　cow…kraal

with　two　pails。　　He　was　an　ill…looking　Kaffer。



〃Ah！〃　thought　the　boy；　〃perhaps　he　will　die　tonight；　and　go　to　hell！　　I

must　pray　for　him；　I　must　pray！〃



Then　he　thought〃Where　am　I　going　to？〃　and　he　prayed　desperately。



〃Ah！　this　is　not　right　at　all；〃　little　Em　said；　peeping　between　the　stones；

and　finding　him　in　a　very　curious　posture。　　〃What　are　you　doing　Waldo？　　It

is　not　the　play；　you　know。　　You　should　run　out　when　we　come　to　the　white

stone。　　Ah；　you　do　not　play　nicely。〃



〃II　will　play　nicely　now；〃　said　the　boy；　coming　out　and　standing

sheepishly　before　them；　〃II　only　forgot；　I　will　play　now。〃



〃He　has　been　to　sleep；〃　said　freckled　Em。



〃No；〃　said　beautiful　little　Lyndall；　looking　curiously　at　him：　　〃he　has

been　crying。〃



She　never　made　a　mistake。



。。。





The　Confession。



One　night；　two　years　after；　the　boy　sat　alone　on　the　kopje。　　He　had　crept

softly　from　his　father's　room　and　come　there。　　He　often　did；　because；　when

he　prayed　or　cried　aloud；　his　father　might　awake　and　hear　him；　and　none

knew　his　great　sorrow；　and　none　knew　his　grief；　but　he　himself；　and　he

buried　them　deep　in　his　heart。



He　turned　up　the　brim　of　his　great　hat　and　looked　at　the　moon；　but　most　at

the　leaves　of　the　prickly　pear　that　grew　just　before　him。　　They　glinted；

and　glinted；　and　glinted；　just　like　his　own　heartcold；　so　hard；　and　very

wicked。　　His　physical　heart　had　pain　also；　it　seemed　full　of　little　bits　of

glass；　that　hurt。　　He　had　sat　there　for　half　an　hour；　and　he　dared　not　go

back　to　the　close　house。



He　felt　horribly　lonely。　　There　was　not　one　thing　so　wicked　as　he　in　all

the　world；　and　he　knew　it。　　He　folded　his　arms　and　began　to　crynot　aloud；

he　sobbed　without　making　any　sound；　and　his　tears　left　scorched　marks　where

they　fell。　　He　could　not　pray；　he　had　prayed　night　and　day　for　so　many

months；　and　tonight　he　could　not　pray。　　When　he　left　off　crying；　he　held

his　aching　head　with　his　brown　hands。　　If　one　might　have　gone　up　to　him　and

touched　him　kindly；　poor；　ugly　little　thing！　　Perhaps　his　heart　was　almost

broken。



With　his　swollen　eyes　he　sat　there　on　a　flat　stone　at　the　very　top　of　the

kopje；　and　the　tree；　with　every　one　of　its　wicked　leaves；　blinked；　and

blinked；　and　blinked　at　him。　　Presently　he　began　to　cry　again；　and　then

stopped　his　crying　to　look　at　it。　　He　was　quiet　for　a　long　while；　then　he

knelt　up　slowly　and　bent　forward。　　There　was　a　secret　he　had　carried　in　his

heart　for　a　year。　　He　had　not　dared　to　look　at　it；　he　had　not　whispered　it

to　himself；　but　for　a　year　he　had　carried　it。　　〃I　hate　God！〃　he　said。　　The

wind　took　the　words　and　ran　away　with　them；　among　the　stones；　and　through

the　leaves　of　the　prickly　pear。　　He　thought　it　died　away　half　down　the

kopje。　　He　had　told　it　now！



〃I　love　Jesus　Christ；　but　I　hate　God。〃



The　wind　carried　away　that　sound　as　it　had　done　the　first。　　Then　he　got　up

and　buttoned　his　old　coat　about　him。　　He　knew　he　was　certainly　lost　now；　he

did　not　care。　　If　half　the　world　were　to　be　lost；　why　not　he　too？　　He　would

not　pray　for　mercy　any　more。　　Better　sobetter　to　know　certainly。　　It　was

ended　now。　　Better　so。



He　began　scrambling　down　the　sides　of　the　kopje　to　go　home。



Better　so！　　But　oh；　the　loneliness；　the　agonized　pain！　for　that　night；　and

for　nights　on　nights　to　come！　　The　anguish　that　sleeps　all　day　on　the　heart

like　a　heavy