the story of an african farm-第40章

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many　other　things。　　But　heno　one　is　worthy　of　his　love。　　I　am　not。　　It　is

so　great　and　pure。〃



〃You　need　not　make　yourself　unhappy　on　that　pointyour　poor　return　for　his

love；　my　dear；〃　said　Lyndall。　　〃A　man's　love　is　a　fire　of　olive…wood。　　It

leaps　higher　every　moment；　it　roars；　it　blazes；　it　shoots　out　red　flames；

it　threatens　to　wrap　you　round　and　devour　youyou　who　stand　by　like　an

icicle　in　the　glow　of　its　fierce　warmth。　　You　are　self…reproached　at　your

own　chilliness　and　want　of　reciprocity。　　The　next　day；　when　you　go　to　warm

your　hands　a　little；　you　find　a　few　ashes！　　'Tis　a　long　love　and　cool

against　a　short　love　and　hot；　men；　at　all　events；　have　nothing　to　complain

of。〃



〃You　speak　so　because　you　do　not　know　men；〃　said　Em；　instantly　assuming　the

dignity　of　superior　knowledge　so　universally　affected　by　affianced　and

married　women　in　discussing　man's　nature　with　their　uncontracted　sisters。



〃You　will　know　them　too　some　day；　and　then　you　will　think　differently；〃

said　Em；　with　the　condescending　magnanimity　which　superior　knowledge　can

always　afford　to　show　to　ignorance。



Lyndall's　little　lip　quivered　in　a　manner　indicative　of　intense　amusement。　

She　twirled　a　massive　ring　upon　her　forefingera　ring　more　suitable　for

the　hand　of　a　man；　and　noticeable　in　designa　diamond　cross　let　into　gold；

with　the　initials　〃R。R。〃　below　it。



〃Ah；　Lyndall；〃　Em　cried；　〃perhaps　you　are　engaged　yourselfthat　is　why　you

smile。　　Yes；　I　am　sure　you　are。　　Look　at　this　ring！〃



Lyndall　drew　the　hand　quickly　from　her。



〃I　am　not　in　so　great　a　hurry　to　put　my　neck　beneath　any　man's　foot；　and　I

do　not　so　greatly　admire　the　crying　of　babies；〃　she　said；　as　she　closed　her

eyes　half　wearily　and　leaned　back　in　the　chair。　　〃There　are　other　women

glad　of　such　work。〃



Em　felt　rebuked　and　ashamed。　　How　could　she　take　Lyndall　and　show　her　the

white　linen　and　the　wreath；　and　the　embroidery？　　She　was　quiet　for　a　little

while；　and　then　began　to　talk　about　Trana　and　the　old　farm…servants；　till

she　saw　her　companion　was　weary；　then　she　rose　and　left　her　for　the　night。

But　after　Em　was　gone　Lyndall　sat　on；　watching　the　old　crone's　face　in　the

corner；　and　with　a　weary　look；　as　though　the　whole　world's　weight　rested　on

these　frail　young　shoulders。



The　next　morning；　Waldo；　starting　off　before　breakfast　with　a　bag　of

mealies　slung　over　his　shoulder　to　feed　the　ostriches；　heard　a　light　step

behind　him。



〃Wait　for　me；　I　am　coming　with　you；〃　said　Lyndall；　adding　as　she　came　up　to

him；　〃if　I　had　not　gone　to　look　for　you　yesterday　you　would　not　have　come

to　greet　me　till　now。　　Do　you　not　like　me　any　longer；　Waldo？〃



〃Yesbutyou　are　changed。〃



It　was　the　old　clumsy；　hesitating　mode　of　speech。



〃You　like　the　pinafores　better？〃　she　said　quickly。　　She　wore　a　dress　of　a

simple　cotton　fabric；　but　very　fashionably　made；　and　on　her　head　was　a

broad　white　hat。　　To　Waldo　she　seemed　superbly　attired。　　She　saw　it。　　〃My

dress　has　changed　a　little；〃　she　said；　〃and　I　also；　but　not　to　you。　　Hang

the　bag　over　your　other　shoulder；　that　I　may　see　your　face。　　You　say　so

little　that　if　one　does　not　look　at　you　you　are　an　uncomprehended　cipher。

Waldo　changed　the　bag；　and　they　walked　on　side　by　side。　　〃You　have

improved；〃　she　said。　　〃Do　you　know　that　I　have　sometimes　wished　to　see　you

while　I　was　away；　not　often；　but　still　sometimes。〃



They　were　at　the　gate　of　the　first　camp　now。　　Waldo　threw　over　a　bag　of

mealies；　and　they　walked　on　over　the　dewy　ground。



〃Have　you　learnt　much？〃　he　asked　her　simply；　remembering　how　she　had　once

said；　〃When　I　come　back　again　I　shall　know　everything　that　a　human　being

can。〃



She　laughed。



〃Are　you　thinking　of　my　old　boast？　　Yes；　I　have　learnt　something；　though

hardly　what　I　expected；　and　not　quite　so　much。　　In　the　first　place；　I　have

learnt　that　one　of　my　ancestors　must　have　been　a　very　great　fool；　for　they

say　nothing　comes　out　in　a　man　but　one　of　his　forefathers　possessed　it

before　him。　　In　the　second　place；　I　have　discovered　that　of　all　cursed

places　under　the　sun；　where　the　hungriest　soul　can　hardly　pick　up　a　few

grains　of　knowledge；　a　girls'　boarding…school　is　the　worst。　　They　are

called　finishing　schools；　and　the　name　tells　accurately　what　they　are。　

They　finish　everything　but　imbecility　and　weakness；　and　that　they

cultivate。　　They　are　nicely　adapted　machines　for　experimenting　on　the

question；　'Into　how　little　space　a　human　soul　can　be　crushed？'　　I　have　seen

some　souls　so　compressed　that　they　would　have　fitted　into　a　small　thimble；

and　found　room　to　move　therewide　room。　　A　woman　who　has　been　for　many

years　in　one　of　those　places　carries　the　mark　of　the　beast　on　her　till　she

dies；　though　she　may　expand　a　little　afterward；　when　she　breathes　in　the

free　world。〃



〃Were　you　miserable？〃　he　asked；　looking　at　her　with　quick　anxiety。



〃I？no。　　I　am　never　miserable　and　never　happy。　　I　wish　I　were。　　But　I

should　have　run　away　from　the　place　on　the　fourth　day；　and　hired　myself　to

the　first　Boer…woman　whose　farm　I　came　to；　to　make　fire　under　her　soap…pot；

if　I　had　to　live　as　the　rest　of　the　drove　did。　　Can　you　form　an　idea；

Waldo；　of　what　it　must　be　to　be　shut　up　with　cackling　old　women；　who　are

without　knowledge　of　life；　without　love　of　the　beautiful；　without　strength；

to　have　your　soul　cultured　by　them？　　It　is　suffocation　only　to　breathe　the

air　they　breathe；　but　I　made　them　give　me　room。　　I　told　them　I　should

leave；　and　they　knew　I　came　there　on　my　own　account；　so　they　gave　me　a

bedroom　without　the　companionship　of　one　of　those　things　that　were　having

their　brains　slowly　diluted　and　squeezed　out　of　them。　　I　did　not　learn

music；　because　I　had　no　talent；　and　when　the　drove　made　cushions；　and

hideous　flowers　that　the　roses　laugh　at；　and　a　footstool　in　six　weeks　that

a　machine　would　have　made　better　in　five　minutes；　I　went　to　my　room。　　With

the　money　saved　from　such　work　I　bought　books　and　newspapers；　and　at　night

I　sat　up。　　I　read；　and　epitomized　what　I　read；　and　I　found　time　to　write

some　plays；　and　find　out　how　hard　it　is　to　make　your　thoughts　look　anything

but　imbecile　fools　when　you　paint　them　with　ink　and　paper。　　In　the　holidays

I　learnt　a　great　deal　more。　　I　made　acquaintances；　saw　a　few　places　and

many　people；　and　some　different　ways　of　living；　which　is　more　than　any

books　can　show　one。　　On　the　whole；　I　am　not　dissatisfied　with　my　four

years。　　I　have　not　learnt　what　I　expected；　but　I　have　learnt　something

else。　　What　have　you　been　doing？〃



〃Nothing。〃



〃That　is　not　possible。　　I　shall　find　out　by　and　by。〃



They　still　stepped　on　side　by　side　over　the　dewy　bushes。　　Then　suddenly　she

turned　on　him。



〃Don't　you　wish　you　were　a　woman；　Waldo？〃



〃No；〃　he　answered　readily。



She　laughed。



〃I　thought　not。　　Even　you　are　too　worldly…wise　for　that。　　I　never　met　a　man

who　did。　　This　is　a　pretty　ring；〃　she　said；　holding　out　her　little　hand；

that　the　morning　sun　might　make　the　diamonds　sparkle。　　〃Worth　fifty　pounds

at　least。　　I　will　give　it　to　the　first　man　who　tells　me　he　would　like　to　be

a　woman。　　There　might　be　one　on　Robbin　Island　（lunatics　at　the　Cape　are

sent　to　Robbin　Island）　who　would　win　it　perhaps；　but　I　doubt　it　even　there。　

It　is　delightful　to　be　a　woman；　but　every　man　thanks　the　Lord　devoutly　that

he　isn't　one。〃



She　drew　her　hat　to　one　side　to　keep　the　sun　out　of　her　eyes　as　she　walked。

Waldo　looked　at　her　so　intently　that　he　stumbled　over　the　bushes。　　Yes；

this　was　his　little　Lyndall　who　had　worn　the　check　pinafores；　he　saw　it

now；　and　he　walked　closer　beside　her。　　They　reached　the　next　camp。



〃Let　us　wait　at　this　camp　and　watch　the　birds；〃　she　said；　as　an　ostrich　hen

came　bounding　toward　them　with　velvety　wings　outstretched；　while　far　away

over　the　bushes　the　head　of　the　cock　was　visible　as　he　sat　brooding　on　the

eggs。



Lyndall　folded　her　arms　on　the　gate　bar；　and　Waldo　threw　his　empty　bag　on

the　wall　and　leaned　beside　her。



〃I　l