robert falconer-第125章

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proselytes　or　traitors　in　this！　　No；　Lady　Georgina；　it　was　not　of　a

dress　so　easily　altered　that　I　was　thinking；　it　was　of　the　habit；

the　dress　of　mind；　of　thought；　of　feeling。　　When　you　laid　aside　your

beautiful　dress；　could　you　avoid　putting　on　the　garment　of

condescension；　the　most　unchristian　virtue　attributed　to　Deity　or

saint？　　Could　youI　must　be　plain　with　you；　Lady　Georgina；　for　this

has　nothing　to　do　with　the　forms　of　so…called　societycould　your

temper　endure　the　mortifications　of　low　opposition　and

misrepresentation　of　motive　and　endwhich；　avoid　intrusion　as　you

might；　would　yet　force　themselves　on　your　perception？　　Could　you　be

rudely；　impudently　thwarted　by　the　very　persons　for　whom　you　were

spending　your　strength　and　means；　and　show　no　resentment？　　Could　you

make　allowances　for　them　as　for　your　own　brothers　and　sisters；　your

own　children？'



Lady　Georgina　was　silent。



'I　shall　seem　to　glorify　myself；　but　at　that　risk　I　must　put　the

reality　before　you。Could　you　endure　the　ugliness　both　moral　and

physical　which　you　must　meet　at　every　turn？　　Could　you　look　upon

loathsomeness；　not　merely　without　turning　away　in　disgust；　and　thus

wounding　the　very　heart　you　would　heal；　but　without　losing　your

belief　in　the　Fatherhood　of　God；　by　losing　your　faith　in　the　actual

blood…relationship　to　yourself　of　these　wretched　beings？　　Could　you

believe　in　the　immortal　essence　hidden　under　all　this　garbageGod

at　the　root　of　it　all？　　How　would　the　delicate　senses　you　probably

inherit　receive　the　intrusions　from　which　they　could　not　protect

themselves？　　Would　you　be　in　no　danger　of　finding　personal　refuge　in

the　horrid　fancy；　that　these　are　but　the　slimy　borders　of　humanity

where　it　slides　into；　and　is　one　with　bestiality？　　I　could　show　you

one　fearful　baboon…like　woman；　whose　very　face　makes　my　nerves

shudder：　could　you　believe　that　woman　might　one　day　become　a　lady；

beautiful　as　yourself；　and　therefore　minister　to　her？　　Would　you　not

be　tempted；　for　the　sake　of　your　own　comfort；　if　not　for　the　pride

of　your　own　humanity；　to　believe　that；　like　untimely　blossoms；　these

must　fall　from　off　the　boughs　of　the　tree　of　life；　and　come　to

nothing　at　alla　theory　that　may　do　for　the　preacher；　but　will　not

do　for　the　worker：　him　it　would　paralyze？or；　still　worse；

infinitely　worse；　that　they　were　doomed；　from　their　birth；　to

endless　ages　of　a　damnation；　filthy　as　that　in　which　you　now　found

them；　and　must　probably　leave　them？　　If　you　could　come　to　this；　you

had　better　withhold　your　hand；　for　no　desire　for　the　betterment　of

the　masses；　as　they　are　stupidly　called；　can　make　up　for　a　lack　of

faith　in　the　individual。　　If　you　cannot　hope　for　them　in　your　heart；

your　hands　cannot　reach　them　to　do　them　good。　　They　will　only　hurt

them。'



Lady　Georgina　was　still　silent。　　Falconer's　eloquence　had　perhaps

made　her　ashamed。



'I　want　you　to　sit　down　and　count　the　cost；　before　you　do　any

mischief　by　beginning　what　you　are　unfit　for。　　Last　week　I　was

compelled　more　than　once　to　leave　the　house　where　my　duty　led　me；

and　to　sit　down　upon　a　stone　in　the　street；　so　ill　that　I　was　in

danger　of　being　led　away　as　intoxicated；　only　the　policeman　happened

to　know　me。　　Twice　I　went　back　to　the　room　I　had　left；　crowded　with

human　animals；　and　one　of　them　at　least　dying。　　It　was　all　I　could

do；　and　I　have　tolerable　nerve　and　tolerable　experience。'



A　mist　was　gathering　over　Lady　Georgina's　eyes。　　She　confessed　it

afterwards　to　Miss　St。　John。　And　through　the　mist　he　looked　larger

than　human。



'And　then　the　time　you　must　spend　before　you　can　lay　hold　upon　them

at　all；　that　is　with　the　personal　relation　which　alone　is　of　any

real　influence！　　Our　Saviour　himself　had　to　be　thirty　years　in　the

world　before　he　had　footing　enough　in　it　to　justify　him　in　beginning

to　teach　publicly：　he　had　been　laying　the　needful　foundations　all

the　time。　　Not　under　any　circumstances　could　I　consent　to　make　use

of　you　before　you　had　brought　yourself　into　genuine　relations　with

some　of　them　first。'



'Do　you　count　societies；　then；　of　no　use　whatever？'　　Lady　Georgina

asked；　more　to　break　the　awkwardness　of　her　prolonged　silence　than

for　any　other　reason。



'In　as　far　as　any　of　the　persons　they　employ　fulfil　the　conditions

of　which　I　have　spoken；　they　are　usefulthat　is；　just　in　as　far　as

they　come　into　genuine　human　relations　with　those　whom　they　would

help。　　In　as　far　as　their　servants　are　incapable　of　this；　the

societies　are　hurtful。　　The　chief　good　which　societies　might　effect

would　be　the　procuring　of　simple　justice　for　the　poor。　　That　is　what

they　need　at　the　hands　of　the　nation；　and　what　they　do　not　receive。

But　though　few　can　have　the　knowledge　of　the　poor　I　have；　many

could　do　something；　if　they　would　only　set　about　it　simply；　and　not

be　too　anxious　to　convert　them；　if　they　would　only　be　their　friends

after　a　common…sense　fashion。　　I　know；　say；　a　hundred　wretched　men

and　women　far　better　than　a　man　in　general　knows　him　with　whom　he

claims　an　ordinary　intimacy。　　I　know　many　more　by　sight　whose　names

in　the　natural　course　of　events　I　shall　probably　know　soon。　　I　know

many　of　their　relations　to　each　other；　and　they　talk　about　each

other　to　me　as　if　I　were　one　of　themselves；　which　I　hope　in　God　I

am。　　I　have　been　amongst　them　a　good　many　years　now；　and　shall

probably　spend　my　life　amongst　them。　　When　I　went　first；　I　was

repeatedly　robbed；　now　I　should　hardly　fear　to　carry　another　man's

property。　　Two　years　ago　I　had　my　purse　taken；　but　next　morning　it

was　returned；　I　do　not　know　by　whom：　in　fact　it　was　put　into　my

pocket　againevery　coin；　as　far　as　I　could　judge；　as　it　left　me。　　I

seldom　pretend　to　teach　themonly　now　and　then　drop　a　word　of

advice。　　But　possibly；　before　I　die；　I　may　speak　to　them　in　public。

At　present　I　avoid　all　attempt　at　organization　of　any　sort；　and　as

far　as　I　see；　am　likely　of　all　things　to　avoid　it。　　What　I　want　is

first　to　be　their　friend；　and　then　to　be　at　length　recognized　as

such。　　It　is　only　in　rare　cases　that　I　seek　the　acquaintance　of　any

of　them：　I　let　it　come　naturally。　　I　bide　my　time。　　Almost　never　do

I　offer　assistance。　　I　wait　till　they　ask　it；　and　then　often　refuse

the　sort　they　want。　　The　worst　thing　you　can　do　for　them　is　to

attempt　to　save　them　from　the　natural　consequences　of　wrong：　you　may

sometimes　help　them　out　of　them。　　But　it　is　right　to　do　many　things

for　them　when　you　know　them；　which　it　would　not　be　right　to　do　for

them　until　you　know　them。　　I　am　amongst　them；　they　know　me；　their

children　know　me；　and　something　is　always　occurring　that　makes　this

or　that　one　come　to　me。　　Once　I　have　a　footing；　I　seldom　lose　it。

So　you　see；　in　this　my　labour　I　am　content　to　do　the　thing　that

lies　next　me。　　I　wait　events。　　You　have　had　no　training；　no

blundering　to　fit　you　for　such　work。　　There　are　many　other　modes　of

being　useful；　but　none　in　which　I　could　undertake　to　direct　you。　　I

am　not　in　the　habit　of　talking　so　much　about　my　waysbut　that　is　of

no　consequence。　　I　think　I　am　right　in　doing　so　in　this　instance。'



'I　cannot　misunderstand　you；'　faltered　Lady　Georgina。



Falconer　was　silent。　　Without　looking　up　from　the　floor　on　which　her

eyes　had　rested　all　the　time　he　spoke；　Lady　Georgina　said　at　last；



'Then　what　is　my　next　duty？　　What　is　the　thing　that　lies　nearest　to

me？'



'That；　I　repeat；　belongs　to　your　every…day　history。　　No　one　can

answer　that　question　but　yourself。　　Your　next　duty　is　just　to

determine　what　your　next　duty　is。Is　there　nothing　you　neglect？　　Is

there　nothing　you　know　you　ought　not　to　do？You　would　know　your

duty；　if　you　thought　in　earnest　about　it；　and　were　not　ambitious　of

great　things。'



'Ah　then；'　responded　Lady　Georgina；　with　an　abandoning　sigh；　'I

suppose　it　is　something　very　commonplace；　which　will　make　life　more

dreary　than　ever。　　That　cannot　help　me。'



'It　will；　if　it　be　as　dreary　as　reading　the　newspapers　to　an　old

deaf　aunt。　　It　will　soon