david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第108章

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On　somebody’s　motion；　we　resolved　to　go　downstairs　to　the　
dress…boxes；　where　the　ladies　were。　A　gentleman　lounging；　full　
dressed；　on　a　sofa；　with　an　opera…glass　in　his　hand；　passed　before　
my　view；　and　also　my　own　figure　at　full　length　in　a　glass。　Then　I　
was　being　ushered　into　one　of　these　boxes；　and　found　myself　
saying　something　as　I　sat　down；　and　people　about　me　crying　
‘Silence！’　to　somebody；　and　ladies　casting　indignant　glances　at　me；　
and—what！　yes！—Agnes；　sitting　on　the　seat　before　me；　in　the　same　
box；　with　a　lady　and　gentleman　beside　her；　whom　I　didn’t　know。　I　
see　her　face　now；　better　than　I　did　then；　I　dare　say；　with　its　
indelible　look　of　regret　and　wonder　turned　upon　me。　

‘Agnes！’　I　said；　thickly；　‘Lorblessmer！　Agnes！’　

‘Hush！　Pray！’　she　answered；　I　could　not　conceive　why。　‘You　
disturb　the　company。　Look　at　the　stage！’　

I　tried；　on　her　injunction；　to　fix　it；　and　to　hear　something　of　
what　was　going　on　there；　but　quite　in　vain。　I　looked　at　her　again　by　
and　by；　and　saw　her　shrink　into　her　corner；　and　put　her　gloved　
hand　to　her　forehead。　

‘Agnes！’　I　said。　‘I’mafraidyou’renorwell。’　

‘Yes；　yes。　Do　not　mind　me；　Trotwood；’　she　returned。　‘Listen！　
Are　you　going　away　soon？’　

‘Amigoarawaysoo？’　I　repeated。　

‘Yes。’　

I　had　a　stupid　intention　of　replying　that　I　was　going　to　wait；　to　
hand　her　downstairs。　I　suppose　I　expressed　it；　somehow；　for　after　
she　had　looked　at　me　attentively　for　a　little　while；　she　appeared　to　
understand；　and　replied　in　a　low　tone：　‘I　know　you　will　do　as　I　ask　
you；　if　I　tell　you　I　am　very　earnest　in　it。　Go　away　now；　Trotwood；　

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David　Copperfield　

for　my　sake；　and　ask　your　friends　to　take　you　home。’　

She　had　so　far　improved　me；　for　the　time；　that　though　I　was　
angry　with　her；　I　felt　ashamed；　and　with　a　short　‘Goori！’　（which　I　
intended　for　‘Good　night！’）　got　up　and　went　away。　They　followed；　
and　I　stepped　at　once　out　of　the　box…door　into　my　bedroom；　where　
only　Steerforth　was　with　me；　helping　me　to　undress；　and　where　I　
was　by　turns　telling　him　that　Agnes　was　my　sister；　and　adjuring　
him　to　bring　the　corkscrew；　that　I　might　open　another　bottle　of　
wine。　

How　somebody；　lying　in　my　bed；　lay　saying　and　doing　all　this　
over　again；　at　cross　purposes；　in　a　feverish　dream　all　night—the　
bed　a　rocking　sea　that　was　never　still！　How；　as　that　somebody　
slowly　settled　down　into　myself；　did　I　begin　to　parch；　and　feel　as　if　
my　outer　covering　of　skin　were　a　hard　board；　my　tongue　the　
bottom　of　an　empty　kettle；　furred　with　long　service；　and　burning　
up　over　a　slow　fire；　the　palms　of　my　hands；　hot　plates　of　metal　
which　no　ice　could　cool！　

But　the　agony　of　mind；　the　remorse；　and　shame　I　felt　when　I　
became　conscious　next　day！　My　horror　of　having　committed　a　
thousand　offences　I　had　forgotten；　and　which　nothing　could　ever　
expiate—my　recollection　of　that　indelible　look　which　Agnes　had　
given　me—the　torturing　impossibility　of　communicating　with　her；　
not　knowing；　Beast　that　I　was；　how　she　came　to　be　in　London；　or　
where　she　stayed—my　disgust　of　the　very　sight　of　the　room　where　
the　revel　had　been　held—my　racking　head—the　smell　of　smoke；　
the　sight　of　glasses；　the　impossibility　of　going　out；　or　even　getting　
up！　Oh；　what　a　day　it　was！　

Oh；　what　an　evening；　when　I　sat　down　by　my　fire　to　a　basin　of　
mutton　broth；　dimpled　all　over　with　fat；　and　thought　I　was　going　

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David　Copperfield　

the　way　of　my　predecessor；　and　should　succeed　to　his　dismal　story　
as　well　as　to　his　chambers；　and　had　half　a　mind　to　rush　express　to　
Dover　and　reveal　all！　What　an　evening；　when　Mrs。　Crupp；　coming　
in　to　take　away　the　broth…basin；　produced　one　kidney　on　a　cheese…
plate　as　the　entire　remains　of　yesterday’s　feast；　and　I　was　really　
inclined　to　fall　upon　her　nankeen　breast　and　say；　in　heartfelt　
penitence；　‘Oh；　Mrs。　Crupp；　Mrs。　Crupp；　never　mind　the　broken　
meats！　I　am　very　miserable！’—only　that　I　doubted；　even　at　that　
pass；　if　Mrs。　Crupp　were　quite　the　sort　of　woman　to　confide　in！　

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David　Copperfield　

Chapter　25　

GOOD　AND　BAD　ANGELS　

Iwas　going　out　at　my　door　on　the　morning　after　that　
deplorable　day　of　headache；　sickness；　and　repentance；　with　
an　odd　confusion　in　my　mind　relative　to　the　date　of　my　
dinner…party；　as　if　a　body　of　Titans　had　taken　an　enormous　lever　
and　pushed　the　day　before　yesterday　some　months　back；　when　I　
saw　a　ticket…porter　coming　upstairs；　with　a　letter　in　his　hand。　He　
was　taking　his　time　about　his　errand；　then；　but　when　he　saw　me　
on　the　top　of　the　staircase；　looking　at　him　over　the　banisters；　he　
swung　into　a　trot；　and　came　up　panting　as　if　he　had　run　himself　
into　a　state　of　exhaustion。　

‘T。　Copperfield；　Esquire；’　said　the　ticket…porter；　touching　his　hat　
with　his　little　cane。　

I　could　scarcely　lay　claim　to　the　name：　I　was　so　disturbed　by　the　
conviction　that　the　letter　came　from　Agnes。　However；　I　told　him　I　
was　T。　Copperfield；　Esquire；　and　he　believed　it；　and　gave　me　the　
letter；　which　he　said　required　an　answer。　I　shut　him　out　on　the　
landing　to　wait　for　the　answer；　and　went　into　my　chambers　again；　
in　such　a　nervous　state　that　I　was　fain　to　lay　the　letter　down　on　my　
breakfast　table；　and　familiarize　myself　with　the　outside　of　it　a　little；　
before　I　could　resolve　to　break　the　seal。　

I　found；　when　I　did　open　it；　that　it　was　a　very　kind　note；　
containing　no　reference　to　my　condition　at　the　theatre。　All　it　said　
was；　‘My　dear　Trotwood。　I　am　staying　at　the　house　of　papa’s　agent；　
Mr。　Waterbrook；　in　Ely　Place；　Holborn。　Will　you　come　and　see　me　

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today；　at　any　time　you　like　to　appoint？　Ever　yours　affectionately；　
AGNES。’　

It　took　me　such　a　long　time　to　write　an　answer　at　all　to　my　
satisfaction；　that　I　don’t　know　what　the　ticket…porter　can　have　
thought；　unless　he　thought　I　was　learning　to　write。　I　must　have　
written　half…a…dozen　answers　at　least。　I　began　one；　‘How　can　I　ever　
hope；　my　dear　Agnes；　to　efface　from　your　remembrance　the　
disgusting　impression’—there　I　didn’t　like　it；　and　then　I　tore　it　up。　
I　began　another；　‘Shakespeare　has　observed；　my　dear　Agnes；　how　
strange　it　is　that　a　man　should　put　an　enemy　into　his　mouth’—that　
reminded　me　of　Markham；　and　it　got　no　farther。　I　even　tried　
poetry。　I　began　one　note；　in　a　six…syllable　line；　‘Oh；　do　not　
remember’—but　that　associated　itself　with　the　fifth　of　November；　
and　became　an　absurdity。　After　many　attempts；　I　wrote；　‘My　dear　
Agnes。　Your　letter　is　like　you；　and　what　could　I　say　of　it　that　would　
be　higher　praise　than　that？　I　will　come　at　four　o’clock。　
Affectionately　and　sorrowfully；　T。C。’　With　this　missive　（which　I　
was　in　twenty　minds　at　once　about　recalling；　as　soon　as　it　was　out　
of　my　hands）；　the　ticket…porter　at　last　departed。　

If　the　day　were　half　as　tremendous　to　any　other　professional　
gentleman　in　Doctors’　Commons　as　it　was　to　me；　I　sincerely　
believe　he　made　some　expiation　for　his　share　in　that　rotten　old　
ecclesiastical　cheese。　Although　I　left　the　office　at　half　past　three；　
and　was　prowling　about　the　place　of　appointment　within　a　few　
minutes　afterwards；　the　appointed　time　was　exceeded　by　a　full　
quarter　of　an　hour；　according　to　the　clock　of　St。　Andrew’s；　
Holborn；　before　I　could　muster　up　sufficient　desperation　to　pull　
the　private　bell…handle　let　into　the　left…hand　door…post　of　Mr。　
Waterbrook’s　house。　

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David　Copperfield　

The　professional　business　of　Mr。　Waterbrook’s　establishment　
was　done　on　the　ground…floor；　and　the　genteel　business　（of　which　
there　was　a　good　deal）　in　the　upper　part　of　the　building。　I　was　
shown　into　a　pretty　but　rather　close　drawing…room；　and　there　sat　
Agnes；　netting　a　purse。　

She　looked　so　quiet　and　good；　and　reminded　me　so　strongly　of　
my　airy　fresh　school　days　at　Canterbury；　and　the　sodden；　smoky；　
stupid　wretch　I　had　been　the　other　night；　that；　nobody　being　by；　I　
yielded　to　my　self…reproach　and　shame；　and—in　short；　made　a　fool　
of　myself。　I　cannot　den