david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第165章

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innermost　recesses　of　my　own　heart；　I　had　a　lurking　jealousy　even　
of　Death。　How　I　felt　as　if　its　might　would　push　me　from　my　ground　
in　Dora’s　thoughts。　How　I　was；　in　a　grudging　way　I　have　no　words　
for；　envious　of　her　grief。　How　it　made　me　restless　to　think　of　her　
weeping　to　others；　or　being　consoled　by　others。　How　I　had　a　
grasping；　avaricious　wish　to　shut　out　everybody　from　her　but　
myself；　and　to　be　all　in　all　to　her；　at　that　unseasonable　time　of　all　
times。　

In　the　trouble　of　this　state　of　mind—not　exclusively　my　own；　I　

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hope；　but　known　to　others—I　went　down　to　Norwood　that　night；　
and　finding　from　one　of　the　servants；　when　I　made　my　inquiries　at　
the　door；　that　Miss　Mills　was　there；　got　my　aunt　to　direct　a　letter　to　
her；　which　I　wrote。　I　deplored　the　untimely　death　of　Mr。　Spenlow；　
most　sincerely；　and　shed　tears　in　doing　so。　I　entreated　her　to　tell　
Dora；　if　Dora　were　in　a　state　to　hear　it；　that　he　had　spoken　to　me　
with　the　utmost　kindness　and　consideration；　and　had　coupled　
nothing　but　tenderness；　not　a　single　or　reproachful　word；　with　her　
name。　I　know　I　did　this　selfishly；　to　have　my　name　brought　before　
her；　but　I　tried　to　believe　it　was　an　act　of　justice　to　his　memory。　
Perhaps　I　did　believe　it。　

My　aunt　received　a　few　lines　next　day　in　reply；　addressed；　
outside；　to　her；　within；　to　me。　Dora　was　overcome　by　grief；　and　
when　her　friend　had　asked　her　should　she　send　her　love　to　me；　
had　only　cried；　as　she　was　always　crying；　‘Oh；　dear　papa！　oh；　poor　
papa！’　But　she　had　not　said　No；　and　that　I　made　the　most　of。　

Mr。　Jorkins；　who　had　been　at　Norwood　since　the　occurrence；　
came　to　the　office　a　few　days　afterwards。　He　and　Tiffey　were　
closeted　together　for　some　few　moments；　and　then　Tiffey　looked　
out　at　the　door　and　beckoned　me　in。　

‘Oh！’　said　Mr。　Jorkins。　‘Mr。　Tiffey　and　myself；　Mr。　Copperfield；　
are　about　to　examine　the　desks；　the　drawers；　and　other　such　
repositories　of　the　deceased；　with　the　view　of　sealing　up　his　private　
papers；　and　searching　for　a　Will。　There　is　no　trace　of　any；　
elsewhere。　It　may　be　as　well　for　you　to　assist　us；　if　you　please。’　

I　had　been　in　agony　to　obtain　some　knowledge　of　the　
circumstances　in　which　my　Dora　would　be　placed—as；　in　whose　
guardianship；　and　so　forth—and　this　was　something　towards　it。　
We　began　the　search　at　once；　Mr。　Jorkins　unlocking　the　drawers　

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and　desks；　and　we　all　taking　out　the　papers。　The　office…papers　we　
placed　on　one　side；　and　the　private　papers　（which　were　not　
numerous）　on　the　other。　We　were　very　grave；　and　when　we　came　
to　a　stray　seal；　or　pencil…case；　or　ring；　or　any　little　article　of　that　
kind　which　we　associated　personally　with　him；　we　spoke　very　low。　

We　had　sealed　up　several　packets；　and　were　still　going　on　
dustily　and　quietly；　when　Mr。　Jorkins　said　to　us；　applying　exactly　
the　same　words　to　his　late　partner　as　his　late　partner　had　applied　
to　him：　

‘Mr。　Spenlow　was　very　difficult　to　move　from　the　beaten　track。　
You　know　what　he　was！　I　am　disposed　to　think　he　had　made　no　
will。’　

‘Oh；　I　know　he　had！’　said　I。　

They　both　stopped　and　looked　at　me。　‘On　the　very　day　when　I　
last　saw　him；’　said　I；　‘he　told　me　that　he　had；　and　that　his　affairs　
were　long　since　settled。’　

Mr。　Jorkins　and　old　Tiffey　shook　their　heads　with　one　accord。　

‘That　looks　unpromising；’　said　Tiffey。　

‘Very　unpromising；’　said　Mr。　Jorkins。　

‘Surely　you　don’t　doubt—’　I　began。　

‘My　good　Mr。　Copperfield！’　said　Tiffey；　laying　his　hand　upon　my　
arm；　and　shutting　up　both　his　eyes　as　he　shook　his　head：　‘if　you　
had　been　in　the　Commons　as　long　as　I　have；　you　would　know　that　
there　is　no　subject　on　which　men　are　so　inconsistent；　and　so　little　
to　be　trusted。’　

‘Why；　bless　my　soul；　he　made　that　very　remark！’　I　replied　
persistently。　

‘I　should　call　that　almost　final；’　observed　Tiffey。　‘My　opinion　
is—no　will。’　

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It　appeared　a　wonderful　thing　to　me；　but　it　turned　out　that　
there　was　no　will。　He　had　never　so　much　as　thought　of　making　
one；　so　far　as　his　papers　afforded　any　evidence；　for　there　was　no　
kind　of　hint；　sketch；　or　memorandum；　of　any　testamentary　
intention　whatever。　What　was　scarcely　less　astonishing　to　me；　was；　
that　his　affairs　were　in　a　most　disordered　state。　It　was　extremely　
difficult；　I　heard；　to　make　out　what　he　owed；　or　what　he　had　paid；　
or　of　what　he　died　possessed。　It　was　considered　likely　that　for　
years　he　could　have　had　no　clear　opinion　on　these　subjects　
himself。　By　little　and　little　it　came　out；　that；　in　the　competition　on　
all　points　of　appearance　and　gentility　then　running　high　in　the　
Commons；　he　had　spent　more　than　his　professional　income；　which　
was　not　a　very　large　one；　and　had　reduced　his　private　means；　if　
they　ever　had　been　great　（which　was　exceedingly　doubtful）；　to　a　
very　low　ebb　indeed。　There　was　a　sale　of　the　furniture　and　lease；　at　
Norwood；　and　Tiffey　told　me；　little　thinking　how　interested　I　was　
in　the　story；　that；　paying　all　the　just　debts　of　the　deceased；　and　
deducting　his　share　of　outstanding　bad　and　doubtful　debts　due　to　
the　firm；　he　wouldn’t　give　a　thousand　pounds　for　all　the　assets　
remaining。　

This　was　at　the　expiration　of　about　six　weeks。　I　had　suffered　
tortures　all　the　time；　and　thought　I　really　must　have　laid　violent　
hands　upon　myself；　when　Miss　Mills　still　reported　to　me；　that　my　
broken…hearted　little　Dora　would　say　nothing；　when　I　was　
mentioned；　but　‘Oh；　poor　papa！　Oh；　dear　papa！’　Also；　that　she　had　
no　other　relations　than　two　aunts；　maiden　sisters　of　Mr。　Spenlow；　
who　lived　at　Putney；　and　who　had　not　held　any　other　than　chance　
communication　with　their　brother　for　many　years。　Not　that　they　
had　ever　quarrelled　（Miss　Mills　informed　me）；　but　that　having　

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been；　on　the　occasion　of　Dora’s　christening；　invited　to　tea；　when　
they　considered　themselves　privileged　to　be　invited　to　dinner；　they　
had　expressed　their　opinion　in　writing；　that　it　was　‘better　for　the　
happiness　of　all　parties’　that　they　should　stay　away。　Since　which　
they　had　gone　their　road；　and　their　brother　had　gone　his。　

These　two　ladies　now　emerged　from　their　retirement；　and　
proposed　to　take　Dora　to　live　at　Putney。　Dora；　clinging　to　them　
both；　and　weeping；　exclaimed；　‘O　yes；　aunts！　Please　take　Julia　
Mills　and　me　and　Jip　to　Putney！’　So　they　went；　very　soon　after　the　
funeral。　

How　I　found　time　to　haunt　Putney；　I　am　sure　I　don’t　know；　but　I　
contrived；　by　some　means　or　other；　to　prowl　about　the　
neighbourhood　pretty　often。　Miss　Mills；　for　the　more　exact　
discharge　of　the　duties　of　friendship；　kept　a　journal；　and　she　used　
to　meet　me　sometimes；　on　the　Common；　and　read　it；　or　（if　she　had　
not　time　to　do　that）　lend　it　to　me。　How　I　treasured　up　the　entries；　
of　which　I　subjoin　a　sample！—　

‘Monday。　My　sweet　D。　still　much　depressed。　Headache。　Called　
attention　to　J。　as　being　beautifully　sleek。　D。　fondled　J。　Associations　
thus　awakened；　opened　floodgates　of　sorrow。　Rush　of　grief　
admitted。　（Are　tears　the　dewdrops　of　the　heart？　J。　M。）　

‘Tuesday。　D。　weak　and　nervous。　Beautiful　in　pallor。　（Do　we　not　
remark　this　in　moon　likewise？　J。　M。）　D。；　J。　M。　and　J。　took　airing　in　
carriage。　J。　looking　out　of　window；　and　barking　violently　at　
dustman；　occasioned　smile　to　overspread　features　of　D。　（Of　such　
slight　links　is　chain　of　life　composed！　J。　M。）　

‘Wednesday。　D。　comparatively　cheerful。　Sang　to　her；　as　
congenial　melody；　“Evening　Bells”。　Effect　not　soothing；　but　
reverse。　D。　inexpressibly　affected。　Found　sobbing　afterwards；　in　

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own　room。　Quoted　verses　respecting　self　and　young　Gazelle。　
Ineffectually。　Also　referred　to　Patience　on　Monument。　（Qy。　Why　on　
monument？　J。　M。）　

‘Thursday。　D。　certainly　improved。　Better　night。　Slight　tinge　of　
damask　revisiting　cheek。　Resolved　to　mention　name　of　D。　C。　
Introduced　same；　cautiously；　in　course　of　airing。　D。　immediately　
over