david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第81章

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she　had　left　behind；　and　perish　in　the　flames。　For　I　am　generally　
disinterested　in　my　love；　and　think　I　could　be　content　to　make　a　
figure　before　Miss　Larkins；　and　expire。　

Generally；　but　not　always。　Sometimes　brighter　visions　rise　
before　me。　When　I　dress　（the　occupation　of　two　hours）；　for　a　great　
ball　given　at　the　Larkins’s　（the　anticipation　of　three　weeks）；　I　
indulge　my　fancy　with　pleasing　images。　I　picture　myself　taking　
courage　to　make　a　declaration　to　Miss　Larkins。　I　picture　Miss　
Larkins　sinking　her　head　upon　my　shoulder；　and　saying；　‘Oh；　Mr。　
Copperfield；　can　I　believe　my　ears！’　I　picture　Mr。　Larkins　waiting　
on　me　next　morning；　and　saying；　‘My　dear　Copperfield；　my　
daughter　has　told　me　all。　Youth　is　no　objection。　Here　are　twenty　

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David　Copperfield　

thousand　pounds。　Be　happy！’　I　picture　my　aunt　relenting；　and　
blessing　us；　and　Mr。　Dick　and　Doctor　Strong　being　present　at　the　
marriage　ceremony。　I　am　a　sensible　fellow；　I　believe—I　believe；　on　
looking　back；　I　mean—and　modest　I　am　sure；　but　all　this　goes　on　
notwithstanding。　I　repair　to　the　enchanted　house；　where　there　are　
lights；　chattering；　music；　flowers；　officers　（I　am　sorry　to　see）；　and　
the　eldest　Miss　Larkins；　a　blaze　of　beauty。　She　is　dressed　in　blue；　
with　blue　flowers　in　her　hair—forget…me…nots—as　if　SHE　had　any　
need　to　wear　forget…me…nots。　It　is　the　first　really　grown…up　party　
that　I　have　ever　been　invited　to；　and　I　am　a　little　uncomfortable；　
for　I　appear　not　to　belong　to　anybody；　and　nobody　appears　to　have　
anything　to　say　to　me；　except　Mr。　Larkins；　who　asks　me　how　my　
schoolfellows　are；　which　he　needn’t　do；　as　I　have　not　come　there　to　
be　insulted。　

But　after　I　have　stood　in　the　doorway　for　some　time；　and　
feasted　my　eyes　upon　the　goddess　of　my　heart；　she　approaches　
me—she；　the　eldest　Miss　Larkins！—and　asks　me　pleasantly；　if　I　
dance？　

I　stammer；　with　a　bow；　‘With　you；　Miss　Larkins。’　

‘With　no　one　else？’　inquires　Miss　Larkins。　

‘I　should　have　no　pleasure　in　dancing　with　anyone　else。’　

Miss　Larkins　laughs　and　blushes　（or　I　think　she　blushes）；　and　
says；　‘Next　time　but　one；　I　shall　be　very　glad。’　

The　time　arrives。　‘It　is　a　waltz；　I　think；’　Miss　Larkins　doubtfully　
observes；　when　I　present　myself。　‘Do　you　waltz？　If　not；　Captain　
Bailey—’　

But　I　do　waltz　（pretty　well；　too；　as　it　happens）；　and　I　take　Miss　
Larkins　out。　I　take　her　sternly　from　the　side　of　Captain　Bailey。　He　
is　wretched；　I　have　no　doubt；　but　he　is　nothing　to　me。　I　have　been　

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David　Copperfield　

wretched；　too。　I　waltz　with　the　eldest　Miss　Larkins！　I　don’t　know　
where；　among　whom；　or　how　long。　I　only　know　that　I　swim　about　
in　space；　with　a　blue　angel；　in　a　state　of　blissful　delirium；　until　I　
find　myself　alone　with　her　in　a　little　room；　resting　on　a　sofa。　She　
admires　a　flower　（pink　camellia　japonica；　price　half…a…crown）；　in　
my　button…hole。　I　give　it　her；　and　say：　

‘I　ask　an　inestimable　price　for　it；　Miss　Larkins。’　

‘Indeed！　What　is　that？’　returns　Miss　Larkins。　

‘A　flower　of　yours；　that　I　may　treasure　it　as　a　miser　does　gold。’　

‘You’re　a　bold　boy；’　says　Miss　Larkins。　‘There。’　

She　gives　it　me；　not　displeased；　and　I　put　it　to　my　lips；　and　then　
into　my　breast。　Miss　Larkins；　laughing；　draws　her　hand　through　
my　arm；　and　says；　‘Now　take　me　back　to　Captain　Bailey。’　

I　am　lost　in　the　recollection　of　this　delicious　interview；　and　the　
waltz；　when　she　comes　to　me　again；　with　a　plain　elderly　gentleman　
who　has　been　playing　whist　all　night；　upon　her　arm；　and　says：　‘Oh！　
here　is　my　bold　friend！　Mr。　Chestle　wants　to　know　you；　Mr。　
Copperfield。’　

I　feel　at　once　that　he　is　a　friend　of　the　family；　and　am　much　
gratified。　

‘I　admire　your　taste；　sir；’　says　Mr。　Chestle。　‘It　does　you　credit。　I　
suppose　you　don’t　take　much　interest　in　hops；　but　I　am　a　pretty　
large　grower　myself；　and　if　you　ever　like　to　come　over　to　our　
neighbourhood—neighbourhood　of　Ashford—and　take　a　run　
about　our　place；—we　shall　be　glad　for　you　to　stop　as　long　as　you　
like。’　

I　thank　Mr。　Chestle　warmly；　and　shake　hands。　I　think　I　am　in　a　
happy　dream。　I　waltz　with　the　eldest　Miss　Larkins　once　again。　She　
says　I　waltz　so　well！　I　go　home　in　a　state　of　unspeakable　bliss；　and　

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David　Copperfield　

waltz　in　imagination；　all　night　long；　with　my　arm　round　the　blue　
waist　of　my　dear　divinity。　For　some　days　afterwards；　I　am　lost　in　
rapturous　reflections；　but　I　neither　see　her　in　the　street；　nor　when　
I　call。　I　am　imperfectly　consoled　for　this　disappointment　by　the　
sacred　pledge；　the　perished　flower。　

‘Trotwood；’　says　Agnes；　one　day　after　dinner。　‘Who　do　you　think　
is　going　to　be　married　tomorrow？　Someone　you　admire。’　

‘Not　you；　I　suppose；　Agnes？’　

‘Not　me！’　raising　her　cheerful　face　from　the　music　she　is　
copying。　‘Do　you　hear　him；　Papa？—The　eldest　Miss　Larkins。’　

‘To—to　Captain　Bailey？’　I　have　just　enough　power　to　ask。　

‘No；　to　no　Captain。　To　Mr。　Chestle；　a　hop…grower。’　

I　am　terribly　dejected　for　about　a　week　or　two。　I　take　off　my　
ring；　I　wear　my　worst　clothes；　I　use　no　bear’s　grease；　and　I　
frequently　lament　over　the　late　Miss　Larkins’s　faded　flower。　Being；　
by　that　time；　rather　tired　of　this　kind　of　life；　and　having　received　
new　provocation　from　the　butcher；　I　throw　the　flower　away；　go　out　
with　the　butcher；　and　gloriously　defeat　him。　

This；　and　the　resumption　of　my　ring；　as　well　as　of　the　bear’s　
grease　in　moderation；　are　the　last　marks　I　can　discern；　now；　in　my　
progress　to　seventeen。　

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David　Copperfield　

Chapter　19　

I　LOOK　ABOUT　ME；　AND　MAKE　A　DISCOVERY　

Iam　doubtful　whether　I　was　at　heart　glad　or　sorry；　when　my　
school…days　drew　to　an　end；　and　the　time　came　for　my　leaving　
Doctor　Strong’s。　I　had　been　very　happy　there；　I　had　a　great　
attachment　for　the　Doctor；　and　I　was　eminent　and　distinguished　in　
that　little　world。　For　these　reasons　I　was　sorry　to　go；　but　for　other　
reasons；　unsubstantial　enough；　I　was　glad。　Misty　ideas　of　being　a　
young　man　at　my　own　disposal；　of　the　importance　attaching　to　a　
young　man　at　his　own　disposal；　of　the　wonderful　things　to　be　seen　
and　done　by　that　magnificent　animal；　and　the　wonderful　effects　he　
could　not　fail　to　make　upon　society；　lured　me　away。　So　powerful　
were　these　visionary　considerations　in　my　boyish　mind；　that　I　
seem；　according　to　my　present　way　of　thinking；　to　have　left　school　
without　natural　regret。　The　separation　has　not　made　the　
impression　on　me；　that　other　separations　have。　I　try　in　vain　to　
recall　how　I　felt　about　it；　and　what　its　circumstances　were；　but　it　is　
not　momentous　in　my　recollection。　I　suppose　the　opening　prospect　
confused　me。　I　know　that　my　juvenile　experiences　went　for　little　or　
nothing　then；　and　that　life　was　more　like　a　great　fairy　story；　which　
I　was　just　about　to　begin　to　read；　than　anything　else。　

My　aunt　and　I　had　held　many　grave　deliberations　on　the　calling　
to　which　I　should　be　devoted。　For　a　year　or　more　I　had　
endeavoured　to　find　a　satisfactory　answer　to　her　often…repeated　
question；　‘What　I　would　like　to　be？’　But　I　had　no　particular　liking；　
that　I　could　discover；　for　anything。　If　I　could　have　been　inspired　

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David　Copperfield　

with　a　knowledge　of　the　science　of　navigation；　taken　the　command　
of　a　fast…sailing　expedition；　and　gone　round　the　world　on　a　
triumphant　voyage　of　discovery；　I　think　I　might　have　considered　
myself　completely　suited。　But；　in　the　absence　of　any　such　
miraculous　provision；　my　desire　was　to　apply　myself　to　some　
pursuit　that　would　not　lie　too　heavily　upon　her　purse；　and　to　do　
my　duty　in　it；　whatever　it　might　be。　

Mr。　Dick　had　regularly　assisted　at　our　councils；　with　a　
meditative　and　sage　demeanour。　He　never　made　a　suggestion　but　
once；　and　on　that　occasion　（I　don’t　know　what　put　it　in　his　head）；　
he　suddenly　proposed　that　I　should　be　‘a　Brazier’。　My　aunt　
received　this　proposal　so　very　ungraciously；　that　he　never　
ventured　on　a　second；　but　ever　afterwards　confined　hims