the idle thoughts of an idle fellow[1].(一个浪子的随想)-第25章
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have never experienced much of either； will tell you that mental distress is
far more agonizing than bodily。 Romantic and touching theory！ so
comforting to the love…sick young sprig who looks down patronizingly at
some poor devil with a white starved face and thinks to himself； 〃Ah； how
happy you are compared with me！〃so soothing to fat old gentlemen who
cackle about the superiority of poverty over riches。 But it is all nonsense
all cant。 An aching head soon makes one forget an aching heart。 A broken
finger will drive away all recollections of an empty chair。 And when a man
feels really hungry he does not feel anything else。
We sleek； well…fed folk can hardly realize what feeling hungry is like。
We know what it is to have no appetite and not to care for the dainty
victuals placed before us； but we do not understand what it means to
sicken for foodto die for bread while others waste itto gaze with
famished eyes upon coarse fare steaming behind dingy windows； longing
for a pen'orth of pea pudding and not having the penny to buy itto feel
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
that a crust would be delicious and that a bone would be a banquet。
Hunger is a luxury to us； a piquant； flavor…giving sauce。 It is well
worth while to get hungry and thirsty merely to discover how much
gratification can be obtained from eating and drinking。 If you wish to
thoroughly enjoy your dinner； take a thirty…mile country walk after
breakfast and don't touch anything till you get back。 How your eyes will
glisten at sight of the white table…cloth and steaming dishes then！ With
what a sigh of content you will put down the empty beer tankard and take
up your knife and fork！ And how comfortable you feel afterward as you
push back your chair； light a cigar； and beam round upon everybody。
Make sure； however； when adopting this plan； that the good dinner is
really to be had at the end； or the disappointment is trying。 I remember
once a friend and Idear old Joe； it was。 Ah！ how we lose one another in
life's mist。 It must be eight years since I last saw Joseph Taboys。 How
pleasant it would be to meet his jovial face again； to clasp his strong hand；
and to hear his cheery laugh once more！ He owes me 14 shillings； too。
Well； we were on a holiday together； and one morning we had breakfast
early and started for a tremendous long walk。 We had ordered a duck for
dinner over night。 We said； 〃Get a big one； because we shall come home
awfully hungry；〃 and as we were going out our landlady came up in great
spirits。 She said； 〃I have got you gentlemen a duck； if you like。 If you get
through that you'll do well；〃 and she held up a bird about the size of a
door…mat。 We chuckled at the sight and said we would try。 We said it with
self…conscious pride； like men who know their own power。 Then we
started。
We lost our way； of course。 I always do in the country； and it does
make me so wild； because it is no use asking direction of any of the people
you meet。 One might as well inquire of a lodging…house slavey the way to
make beds as expect a country bumpkin to know the road to the next
village。 You have to shout the question about three times before the sound
of your voice penetrates his skull。 At the third time he slowly raises his
head and stares blankly at you。 You yell it at him then for a fourth time；
and he repeats it after you。 He ponders while you count a couple of
hundred； after which； speaking at the rate of three words a minute； he
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
fancies you 〃couldn't do better than〃 Here he catches sight of another
idiot coming down the road and bawls out to him the particulars；
requesting his advice。 The two then argue the case for a quarter of an hour
or so； and finally agree that you had better go straight down the lane；
round to the right and cross by the third stile； and keep to the left by old
Jimmy Milcher's cow…shed； and across the seven…acre field； and through
the gate by Squire Grubbin's hay…stack； keeping the bridle…path for awhile
till you come opposite the hill where the windmill used to bebut it's gone
nowand round to the right； leaving Stiggin's plantation behind you； and
you say 〃Thank you〃 and go away with a splitting headache； but without
the faintest notion of your way； the only clear idea you have on the subject
being that somewhere or other there is a stile which has to be got over； and
at the next turn you come upon four stiles； all leading in different
directions！
We had undergone this ordeal two or three times。 We had tramped over
fields。 We had waded through brooks and scrambled over hedges and
walls。 We had had a row as to whose fault it was that we had first lost our
way。 We had got thoroughly disagreeable； footsore； and weary。 But
throughout it all the hope of that duck kept us up。 A fairy…like vision； it
floated before our tired eyes and drew us onward。 The thought of it was as
a trumpet…call to the fainting。 We talked of it and cheered each other with
our recollections of it。 〃Come along；〃 we said； 〃the duck will be spoiled。〃
We felt a strong temptation； at one point； to turn into a village inn as
we passed and have a cheese and a few loaves between us； but we
heroically restrained ourselves： we should enjoy the duck all the better for
being famished。
We fancied we smelled it when we go into the town and did the last
quarter of a mile in three minutes。 We rushed upstairs； and washed
ourselves； and changed our clothes； and came down； and pulled our chairs
up to the table； and sat and rubbed our hands while the landlady removed
the covers； when I seized the knife and fork and started to carve。
It seemed to want a lot of carving。 I struggled with it for about five
minutes without making the slightest impression； and then Joe； who had
been eating potatoes； wanted to know if it wouldn't be better for some one
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
to do the job that understood carving。 I took no notice of his foolish
remark； but attacked the bird again； and so vigorously this time that the
animal left the dish and took refuge in the fender。
We soon had it out of that； though； and I was prepared to make another
effort。 But Joe was getting unpleasant。 He said that if he had thought we
were to have a game of blind hockey with the dinner he would have got a
bit of bread and cheese outside。
I was too exhausted to argue。 I laid down the knife and fork with
dignity and took a side seat and Joe went for the wretched creature。 He
worked away in silence for awhile； and then he muttered 〃Damn the duck〃
and took his coat off。
We did break the thing up at length with the aid of a chisel； but it was
perfectly impossible to eat it； and we had to make a dinner off the
vegetables and an apple tart。
