a treatise on parents and children(父母与子女专题研究)-第21章
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to have him on your hands all your life； and are generally rather impatient
for the day when he will earn his own living and leave you to attend to
yourself； you sooner or later begin to talk to him about the need for self…
reliance； learning to think； and so forth； with the result that your victim；
bewildered by your inconsistency； concludes that there is no use trying to
please you； and falls into an attitude of sulky resentment。 Which is an
additional inducement to pack him off to school。
In school； he finds himself in a dual world； under two dispensations。
There is the world of the boys； where the point of honor is to be
untameable； always ready to fight； ruthless in taking the conceit out of
anyone who ventures to give himself airs of superior knowledge or taste；
and generally to take Lucifer for one's model。 And there is the world of
the masters； the world of discipline； submission； diligence； obedience； and
continual and shameless assumption of moral and intellectual authority。
Thus the schoolboy hears both sides； and is so far better off than the
homebred boy who hears only one。 But the two sides are not fairly
presented。 They are presented as good and evil； as vice and virtue； as
villainy and heroism。 The boy feels mean and cowardly when he obeys；
and selfish and rascally when he disobeys。 He looses his moral courage
just as he comes to hate books and languages。 In the end； John Ruskin；
tied so close to his mother's apron…string that he did not escape even when
he went to Oxford； and John Stuart Mill； whose father ought to have been
prosecuted for laying his son's childhood waste with lessons； were
superior； as products of training； to our schoolboys。 They were very
conspicuously superior in moral courage； and though they did not
distinguish themselves at cricket and football； they had quite as much
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A TREATISE ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
physical hardihood as any civilized man needs。 But it is to be observed
that Ruskin's parents were wise people who gave John a full share in their
own life； and put up with his presence both at home and abroad when they
must sometimes have been very weary of him； and Mill； as it happens；
was deliberately educated to challenge all the most sacred institutions of
his country。 The households they were brought up in were no more
average households than a Montessori school is an average school。
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A TREATISE ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
The Comings of Age of Children
All this inculcated adult docility； which wrecks every civilization as it
is wrecking ours； is inhuman and unnatural。 We must reconsider our
institution of the Coming of Age； which is too late for some purposes； and
too early for others。 There should be a series of Coming of Ages for
every individual。 The mammals have their first coming of age when they
are weaned； and it is noteworthy that this rather cruel and selfish operation
on the part of the parent has to be performed resolutely； with claws and
teeth； for your little mammal does not want to be weaned； and yields only
to a pretty rough assertion of the right of the parent to be relieved of the
child as soon as the child is old enough to bear the separation。 The same
thing occurs with children： they hang on to the mother's apron…string and
the father's coat tails as long as they can； often baffling those sensitive
parents who know that children should think for themselves and fend for
themselves； but are too kind to throw them on their own resources with the
ferocity of the domestic cat。 The child should have its first coming of
age when it is weaned； another when it can talk； another when it can walk；
another when it can dress itself without assistance； and when it can read；
write； count money； and pass an examination in going a simple errand
involving a purchase and a journey by rail or other public method of
locomotion； it should have quite a majority。 At present the children of
laborers are soon mobile and able to shift for themselves； whereas it is
possible to find grown…up women in the rich classes who are actually
afraid to take a walk in the streets unattended and unprotected。 It is true
that this is a superstition from the time when a retinue was part of the state
of persons of quality； and the unattended person was supposed to be a
common person of no quality； earning a living； but this has now become
so absurd that children and young women are no longer told why they are
forbidden to go about alone； and have to be persuaded that the streets are
dangerous places； which of course they are； but people who are not
educated to live dangerously have only half a life； and are more likely to
die miserably after all than those who have taken all the common risks of
freedom from their childhood onward as matters of course。
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The Conflict of Wills The world wags in spite of its schools and its
families because both schools and families are mostly very largely
anarchic： parents and schoolmasters are good…natured or weak or lazy；
and children are docile and affectionate and very shortwinded in their fits
of naughtiness； and so most families slummock along and muddle through
until the children cease to be children。 In the few cases when the parties
are energetic and determined； the child is crushed or the parent is reduced
to a cipher； as the case may be。 When the opposed forces are neither of
them strong enough to annihilate the other； there is serious trouble： that
is how we get those feuds between parent and child which recur to our
memory so ironically when we hear people sentimentalizing about natural
affection。 We even get tragedies； for there is nothing so tragic to
contemplate or so devastating to suffer as the oppression of will without
conscience； and the whole tendency of our family and school system is to
set the will of the parent and the school despot above conscience as
something that must be deferred to abjectly and absolutely for its own
sake。
The strongest； fiercest force in nature is human will。 It is the highest
organization we know of the will that has created the whole universe。
Now all honest civilization； religion； law； and convention is an attempt to
keep this force within beneficent bounds。 What corrupts civilization；
religion； law； and convention （and they are at present pretty nearly as
corrupt as they dare） is the constant attempts made by the wills of
individuals and classes to thwart the wills and enslave the powers of other
individuals and classes。 The powers of the parent and the schoolmaster；
and of their public analogues the lawgiver and
