the book of snobs-第18章

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the　steps　of　'White's。'



The　Irish　snobbishness　developes　itself　not　in　pride　so

much　as　in　servility　and　mean　admirations；　and　trumpery

imitations　of　their　neighbours。　　And　I　wonder　De

Tocqueville　and　De　Beaumont；　and　THE　TIMES'　Commissioner；

did　not　explain　the　Snobbishness　of　Ireland　as　contrasted

with　our　own。　　Ours　is　that　of　Richard's　Norman　Knights；…

…haughty；　brutal　stupid；　and　perfectly　self…confident；

theirs；　of　the　poor；　wondering；　kneeling；　simple

chieftains。　　They　are　on　their　knees　still　before　English

fashionthese　simple；　wild　people；　and　indeed　it　is　hard

not　to　grin　at　some　of　their　NAIVE　exhibitions。



Some　years　since；　when　a　certain　great　orator　was　Lord

Mayor　of　Dublin；　he　used　to　wear　a　red　gown　and　a　cocked

hat；　the　splendour　of　which　delighted　him　as　much　as　a

new　curtain…ring　in　her　nose　or　a　string　of　glass…beads

round　her　neck　charms　Queen　Quasheeneboo。　　He　used　to　pay

visits　to　people　in　this　dress；　to　appear　at　meetings

hundreds　of　miles　off；　in　the　red　velvet　gown。　　And　to

hear　the　people　crying　'Yes；　me　Lard！'　and　'No；　me　Lard！'

and　to　read　the　prodigious　accounts　of　his　Lordship　in

the　papers：　it　seemed　as　if　the　people　and　he　liked　to　be

taken　in　by　this　twopenny　splendour。　　Twopenny

magnificence；　indeed；　exists　all　over　Ireland；　and　may　be

considered　as　the　great　characteristic　of　the

Snobbishness　of　that　country。



When　Mrs。　Mulholligan；　the　grocer's　lady；　retires　to

Kingstown；　she　has　Mulholliganville'　painted　over　the

gate　of　her　villa；　and　receives　you　at　a　door　that　won't

shut　or　gazes　at　you　out　of　a　window　that　is　glazed　with

an　old　petticoat。



Be　it　ever　so　shabby　and　dismal；　nobody　ever　owns　to

keeping　a　shop。　　A　fellow　whose　stock　in　trade　is　a　penny

roll　or　a　tumbler　of　lollipops；　calls　his　cabin　the

'American　Flour　Stores；'　or　the　'Depository　for　Colonial

Produce；'　or　some　such　name。



As　for　Inns；　there　are　none　in　the　country；　Hotels　abound

as　well　furnished　as　Mulholliganville；　but　again　there

are　no　such　people　as　landlords　and　land…ladies；　the

landlord　is　out　with　the　hounds；　and　my　lady　in　the

parlour　talking　with　the　Captain　or　playing　the　piano。



If　a　gentleman　has　a　hundred　a　year　to　leave　to　his

family　they　all　become　gentlemen；　all　keep　a　nag；　ride　to

hounds；　and　swagger　about　in　the　'Phaynix；'　and　grow

tufts　to　their　chins　like　so　many　real　aristocrats。



A　friend　of　mine　has　taken　to　be　a　painter；　and　lives　out

of　Ireland；　where　he　is　considered　to　have　disgraced　the

family　by　choosing　such　a　profession。　　His　father　is　a

wine…merchant；　and　his　elder　brother　an　apothecary。



The　number　of　men　one　meets　in　London　and　on　the

Continent　who　have　a　pretty　little　property　of　five…and…

twenty　hundred　a　year　in　Ireland　is　prodigious：　those　who

WILL　have　nine　thousand　a　year　in　land　when　somebody　dies

are　still　more　numerous。　　I　myself　have　met　as　many

descendants　from　Irish　kings　as　would　form　a　brigade。



And　who　has　not　met　the　Irishman　who　apes　the　Englishman；

and　who　forgets　his　country　and　tries　to　forget　his

accent；　or　to　smother　the　taste　of　it；　as　it　were？

'Come；　dine　with　me；　my　boy；'　says　O'Dowd；　of

O'Dowdstown：　'you'll　FIND　US　ALL　ENGLISH　THERE；'　which　he

tells　you　with　a　brogue　as　broad　as　from　here　to

Kingstown　Pier。　　And　did　you　never　hear　Mrs。　Captain

Macmanus　talk　about　'I…ah…land；'　and　her　account　of　her

'fawther's　esteet？'　　Very　few　men　have　rubbed　through　the

world　without　hearing　and　witnessing　some　of　these

Hibernian　phenomenathese　twopenny　splendours。



And　what　say　you　to　the　summit　of　societythe　Castle

with　a　sham　king；　and　sham　lords…in…waiting；　and　sham

loyalty；　and　a　sham　Haroun　Alraschid；　to　go　about　in　a

sham　disguise；　making　believe　to　be　affable　and　splendid？

That　Castle　is　the　pink　and　pride　of　Snobbishness。　　A

COURT　CIRCULAR　is　bad　enough；　with　two　columns　of　print

about　a　little　baby　that's　christenedbut　think　of

people　liking　a　sham　COURT　CIRCULAR！



I　think　the　shams　of　Ireland　are　more　outrageous　than

those　of　any　country。　　A　fellow　shows　you　a　hill　and

says；　'That's　the　highest　mountain　in　all　Ireland；'

a　gentleman　tells　you　he　is　descended　from　Brian　Boroo

and　has　his　five…and…thirty　hundred　a　year；　or　Mrs。

Macmanus　describes　her　fawther's　esteet；　or　ould　Dan

rises　and　says　the　Irish　women　are　the　loveliest；　the

Irish　men　the　bravest；　the　Irish　land　the　most　fertile　in

the　world：　and　nobody　believes　anybodythe　latter　does

not　believe　his　story　nor　the　hearer：but　they　make…

believe　to　believe；　and　solemnly　do　honour　to　humbug。



O　Ireland！　　O　my　country！　（for　I　make　little　doubt　I　am

descended　from　Brian　Boroo　too）　when　will　you　acknowledge

that　two　and　two　make　four；　and　call　a　pikestaff　a

pikestaff？that　is　the　very　best　use　you　can　make　of　the

latter。　　Irish　snobs　will　dwindle　away　then　and　we　shall

never　hear　tell　of　Hereditary　bondsmen。







CHAPTER　XVIII



PARTY…GIVING　SNOBS



Our　selection　of　Snobs　has　lately　been　too　exclusively　of

a　political　character。　　'Give　us　private　Snobs；'　cry　the

dear　ladies。　　（I　have　before　me　the　letter　of　one　fair

correspondent　of　the　fishing　village　of　Brighthelmstone

in　Sussex；　and　could　her　commands　ever　be　disobeyed？）

'Tell　us　more；　dear　Mr。　Snob；　about　your　experience　of

Snobs　in　society。'　　Heaven　bless　the　dear　souls！they

are　accustomed　to　the　word　nowthe　odious；　vulgar；

horrid；　unpronounceable　word　slips　out　of　their　lips　with

the　prettiest　glibness　possible。　　I　should　not　wonder　if

it　were　used　at　Court　amongst　the　Maids　of　Honour。　　In

the　very　best　society　I　know　it　is。　　And　why　not？

Snobbishness　is　vulgarthe　mere　words　are　not：　that

which　we　call　a　Snob；　by　any　other　name　would　still　be

Snobbish。



Well；　then。　　As　the　season　is　drawing　to　a　close：　as　many

hundreds　of　kind　souls；　snobbish　or　otherwise；　have

quitted　London；　as　many　hospitable　carpets　are　taken　up；

and　window…blinds　are　pitilessly　papered　with　the　MORNING

HERALD；　and　mansions　once　inhabited　by　cheerful　owners

are　now　consigned　to　the　care　of　the　housekeeper's　dreary

LOCUM　TENENSsome　mouldy　old　woman；　who；　in　reply　to　the

hopeless　clanging　of　the　bell；　peers　at　you　for　a　moment

from　the　area；　and　then　slowly　unbolting　the　great　hall…

door；　informs　you　my　lady　has　left　town；　or　that　'the

family's　in　the　country；'　or　'gone　up　the　Rind；'or　what

not；　as　the　season　and　parties　are　over；　why　not　consider

Party…giving　Snobs　for　a　while；　and　review　the　conduct　of

some　of　those　individuals　who　have　quitted　the　town　for

six　months？



Some　of　those　worthy　Snobs　are　making…believe　to　go

yachting；　and；　dressed　in　telescopes　and　pea…jackets；　are

passing　their　time　between　Cherbourg　and　Cowes；　some

living　higgledy…piggledy　in　dismal　little　huts　in

Scotland；　provisioned　with　canisters　of　portable　soup；

and　fricandeaux　hermetically　sealed　in　tin；　are　passing

their　days　slaughtering　grouse　upon　the　moors；　some　are

dozing　and　bathing　away　the　effects　of　the　season　at

Kissingen；　or　watching　the　ingenious　game　of　TRENTE　ET

QUARANTE　at　Homburg　and　Ems。　　We　can　afford　to　be　very

bitter　upon　them　now　they　are　all　gone。　　Now　there　are　no

more　parties；　let　us　have　at　the　Party…giving　Snobs。　　The

dinner…giving；　the　ball…giving；　the　DEJEUNER…giving；　the

CONVERSAZIONE…GIVING　SnobsLord！　　Lord！　what　havoc　might

have　been　made　amongst　them　had　we　attacked　them　during

the　plethora　of　the　season！　　I　should　have　been　obliged

to　have　a　guard　to　defend　me　from　fiddlers　and

pastrycooks；　indignant　at　the　abuse　of　their　patrons。

Already　I'm　told　that；　from　some　flippant　and　unguarded

expressions　considered　derogatory　to　Baker　Street　and

Harley　Street；　rents　have　fallen　in　these　respectable

quarters；　and　orders　have　been　issued　that　at　least　Mr。

Snob　shall　be　asked　to　parties　there　no　more。　　Well；

thennow　they　are　ALL　away；　let　us　frisk　at　our　ease；

and　have　at　everything　like　the　bull　in　the　china…shop。