the book of snobs-第25章
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through Europe; and are to be found at the right places
at the right time。 Last year I heard how my young
acquaintance; Mr。 Muff; from Oxford; going to see a
little life at a Carnival ball at Paris; was accosted by
an Englishman who did not know a word of the d
language; and hearing Muff speak it so admirably; begged
him to interpret to a waiter with whom there was a
dispute about refreshments。 It was quite a comfort; the
stranger said; to see an honest English face; and did
Muff know where there was a good place for supper? So
those two went to supper; and who should come in; of all
men in the world; but Major Macer? And so Legg
introduced Macer; and so there came on a little intimacy;
and three…card loo; &c。 &c。。 Year after year scores of
Muffs; in various places in the world; are victimised by
Legg and Macer。 The story is so stale; the trick of
seduction so entirely old and clumsy; that it is only a
wonder people can be taken in any more: but the
temptations of vice and gentility together are too much
for young English Snobs; and those simple young victims
are caught fresh every day。 Though it is only to be
kicked and cheated by men of fashion; your true British
Snob will present himself for the honour。
I need not allude here to that very common British Snob;
who makes desperate efforts at becoming intimate with the
great Continental aristocracy; such as old Rolls; the
baker; who has set up his quarters in the Faubourg Saint
Germain; and will receive none but Carlists; and no
French gentleman under the rank of a Marquis。 We can all
of us laugh at THAT fellow's pretensions well enoughwe
who tremble before a great man of our own nation。 But;
as you say; my brave and honest John Bull of a Snob; a
French Marquis of twenty descents is very different from
an English Peer; and a pack of beggarly German and
Italian Fuersten and Principi awaken the scorn of an
honest…minded Briton。 But our aristocracy!that's a
very different matter。 They are the real leaders of the
worldthe real old original and…no…mistake nobility。
Off with your cap; Snob; down on your knees; Snob; and
truckle。
CHAPTER XXIV
ON SOME COUNTRY SNOBS
Tired of the town; where the sight of the closed shutters
of the nobility; my friends; makes my heart sick in my
walks; afraid almost to sit in those vast Pall Mall
solitudes; the Clubs; and of annoying the Club waiters;
who might; I thought; be going to shoot in the country;
but for me; I determined on a brief tour in the
provinces; and paying some visits in the country which
were long due。
My first visit was to my friend Major Ponto (H。P。 of the
Horse Marines); in Mangelwurzelshire。 The Major; in his
little phaeton; was in waiting to take me up at the
station。 The vehicle was not certainly splendid; but
such a carriage as would accommodate a plain man (as
Ponto said he was) and a numerous family。 We drove by
beautiful fresh fields and green hedges; through a
cheerful English landscape; the high…road; as smooth and
trim as the way in a nobleman's park; was charmingly
chequered with cool shade and golden sunshine。 Rustics
in snowy smock…frocks jerked their hats off smiling as we
passed。 Children; with cheeks as red as the apples in
the orchards; bobbed curtsies to us at the cottage…doors。
Blue church spires rose here and there in the distance:
and as the buxom gardener's wife opened the white gate at
the Major's little ivy…covered lodge; and we drove
through the neat plantations of firs and evergreens; up
to the house; my bosom felt a joy and elation which I
thought it was impossible to experience in the smoky
atmosphere of a town。 'Here;' I mentally exclaimed; 'is
all peace; plenty; happiness。 Here; I shall be rid of
Snobs。 There can be none in this charming Arcadian
spot。'
Stripes; the Major's man (formerly corporal in his
gallant corps); received my portmanteau; and an elegant
little present; which I had brought from town as a peace…
offering to Mrs。 Ponto; viz。; a cod and oysters from
Grove's; in a hamper about the size of a coffin。
Ponto's house ('The Evergreens' Mrs。 P。 has christened
it) is a perfect Paradise of a place。 It is all over
creepers; and bow…windows; and verandahs。 A wavy lawn
tumbles up and down all round it; with flower…beds of
wonderful shapes; and zigzag gravel walks; and beautiful
but damp shrubberies of myrtles and glistening
laurustines; which have procured it its change of name。
It was called Little Bullock's Pound in old Doctor
Ponto's time。 I had a view of the pretty grounds; and
the stable; and the adjoining village and church; and a
great park beyond; from the windows of the bedroom
whither Ponto conducted me。 It was the yellow bedroom;
the freshest and pleasantest of bed…chambers; the air was
fragrant with a large bouquet that was placed on the
writing…table; the linen was fragrant with the lavender
in which it had been laid; the chintz hangings of the bed
and the big sofa were; if not fragrant with flowers; at
least painted all over with them; the pen…wiper on the
table was the imitation of a double dahlia; and there was
accommodation for my watch in a sun…flower on the
mantelpiece。 A scarlet…leaved creeper came curling over
the windows; through which the setting sun was pouring a
flood of golden light。 It was all flowers and freshness。
Oh; how unlike those black chimney…pots in St。 Alban's
Place; London; on which these weary eyes are accustomed
to look。
'It must be all happiness here; Ponto;' said I; flinging
myself down into the snug BERGERE; and inhaling such a
delicious draught of country air as all the MILLEFLEURS
of Mr。 Atkinson's shop cannot impart to any the most
expensive pocket…handkerchief。
'Nice place; isn't it?' said Ponto。 'Quiet and
unpretending。 I like everything quiet。 You've not
brought your valet with you? Stripes will arrange your
dressing things;' and that functionary; entering at the
same time; proceeded to gut my portmanteau; and to lay
out the black kerseymeres; 'the rich cut velvet Genoa
waistcoat;' the white choker; and other polite articles
of evening costume; with great gravity and despatch。 'A
great dinner…party;' thinks I to myself; seeing these
preparations (and not; perhaps; displeased at the idea
that some of the best people in the neighbourhood were
coming to see me)。 'Hark; theres the first bell ringing!
'said Ponto; moving away; and; in fact; a clamorous
harbinger of victuals began clanging from the stable
turret; and announced the agreeable fact that dinner
would appear in half…an…hour。 'If the dinner is as grand
as the dinner…bell;' thought I; 'faith; I'm in good
quarters!' and had leisure; during the half…hour's
interval; not only to advance my own person to the utmost
polish of elegance which it is capable of receiving; to
admire the pedigree of the Pontos hanging over the
chimney; and the Ponto crest and arms emblazoned on the
wash…hand basin and jug; but to make a thousand
reflections on the happiness of a country lifeupon the
innocent friendliness and cordiality of rustic
intercourse; and to sigh for an opportunity of retiring;
like Ponto; to my own fields; to my own vine and fig…
tree; with a placens uxor in my domus; and a half…score
of sweet young pledges of affection sporting round my
paternal knee。
Clang! At the end of thirty minutes; dinner…bell number
two pealed from the adjacent turret。 I hastened
downstairs; expecting to find a score of healthy country
folk in the drawing…room。 There was only one person
there; a tall and Roman…nosed lady; glistering over with
bugles; in deep mourning。 She rose; advanced two steps;
made a majestic curtsey; during which all the bugles in
her awful head…dress began to twiddle and quiverand
then said; 'Mr。 Snob; we are very happy to see you at the
Evergreens;' and heaved a great sigh。
Thi