rambling idle excursion-第5章
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of India ink: 〃Virtue is its own R'd。〃 (There was a lack of room。) He
was deeply and sincerely pious; and swore like a fishwoman。 He
considered swearing blameless; because sailors would not understand an
order unillumined by it。 He was a profound biblical scholarthat is;
he thought he was。 He believed everything in the Bible; but he had his
own methods of arriving at his beliefs。 He was of the 〃advanced〃 school
of thinkers; and applied natural laws to the interpretation of all
miracles; somewhat on the plan of the people who make the six days of
creation six geological epochs; and so forth。 Without being aware of it;
he was a rather severe satire on modern scientific religionists。 Such a
man as I have been describing is rabidly fond of disquisition and
argument; one knows that without being told it。
One trip the captain had a clergyman on board; but did not know he was a
clergyman; since the passenger…list did not betray the fact。 He took a
great liking to this Reverend Mr。 Peters; and talked with him a great
deal; told him yarns; gave him toothsome scraps of personal history; and
wove a glittering streak of profanity through his garrulous fabric that
was refreshing to a spirit weary of the dull neutralities of undecorated
speech。 One day the captain said; 〃Peters; do you ever read the Bible?〃
〃Wellyes。〃
〃I judge it ain't often; by the way you say it。 Now; you tackle it in
dead earnest once; and you'll find it 'll pay。 Don't you get
discouraged; but hang right on。 First; you won't understand it; but by
and by things will begin to clear up; and then you wouldn't lay it down
to eat。〃
〃Yes; I have heard that said。〃
〃And it's so; too。 There ain't a book that begins with it。 It lays over
'm all; Peters。 There's some pretty tough things in itthere ain't any
getting around thatbut you stick to them and think them out; and when
once you get on the inside everything's plain as day。〃
〃The miracles; too; captain?〃
〃Yes; sir! the miracles; too。 Every one of them。 Now; there's that
business with the prophets of Baal; like enough that stumped you?〃
〃Well; I don't know but〃
〃Own up now; it stumped you。 Well; I don't wonder。 You hadn't had any
experience in raveling such things out; and naturally it was too many for
you。 Would you like to have me explain that thing to you; and show you
how to get at the meat of these matters?〃
〃Indeed; I would; captain; if you don't mind。〃
Then the captain proceeded as follows: 〃I'll do it with pleasure。 First;
you see; I read and read; and thought and thought; till I got to
understand what sort of people they were in the old Bible times; and then
after that it was all clear and easy。 Now this was the way I put it up;
concerning Isaac'This is the captain's own mistake'and the prophets
of Baal。 There was some mighty sharp men among the public characters of
that old ancient day; and Isaac was one of them。 Isaac had his failings
plenty of them; too; it ain't for me to apologize for Isaac; he played
it on the prophets of Baal; and like enough he was justifiable;
considering the odds that was against him。 No; all I say is; 'twa'n't
any miracle; and that I'll show you so's't you can see it yourself。
〃Well; times had been getting rougher and rougher for prophetsthat is;
prophets of Isaac's denomination。 There was four hundred and fifty
prophets of Baal in the community; and only one Presbyterian; that is;
if Isaac was a Presbyterian; which I reckon he was; but it don't say。
Naturally; the prophets of Baal took all the trade。 Isaac was pretty
low…spirited; I reckon; but he was a good deal of a man; and no doubt he
went a…prophesying around; letting on to be doing a land…office business;
but 'twa'n't any use; he couldn't run any opposition to amount to
anything。 By and by things got desperate with him; he sets his head to
work and thinks it all out; and then what does he do? Why; he begins to
throw out hints that the other parties are this and that and t'other…
nothing very definite; maybe; but just kind of undermining their
reputation in a quiet way。 This made talk; of course; and finally got to
the king。 The king asked Isaac what he meant by his talk。 Says Isaac;
'Oh; nothing particular; only; can they pray…down fire from heaven on an
altar? It ain't much; maybe; your majesty; only can they do it? That's
the idea。' So the king was a good deal disturbed; and he went to the
prophets of Baal; and they said; pretty airy; that if he had an altar
ready; they were ready; and they intimated he better get it insured; too。
〃So next morning all the children of Israel and their parents and the
other people gathered themselves together。 Well; here was that great
crowd of prophets of Baal packed together on one side; and Isaac walking
up and down all alone on the other; putting up his job。 When time was
called; Isaac let on to be comfortable and indifferent; told the other
team to take the first innings。 So they went at it; the whole four
hundred and fifty; praying around the altar; very hopeful; and doing
their level best。 They prayed an hourtwo hoursthree hoursand so
on; plumb till noon。 It wa'n't any use; they hadn't took a trick。 Of
course they felt kind of ashamed before all those people; and well they
might。 Now; what would a magnanimous man do? Keep still; wouldn't he?
Of course。 What did Isaac do? He graveled the prophets of Baal every
way he could think of。 Says he; 'You don't speak up loud enough; your
god's asleep; like enough; or maybe he's taking a walk; you want to
holler; you know'or words to that effect; I don't recollect the exact
language。 Mind; I don't apologize for Isaac; he had his faults。
〃Well; the prophets of Baal prayed along the best they knew how all the
afternoon; and never raised; a spark。 At last; about sundown; they were
all tuckered out; and they owned up and quit。
〃What does Isaac do now? He steps up and says to some friends of his
there; 'Pour four barrels of water on the altar!' Everybody was
astonished; for the other side had prayed at it dry; you know; and got
whitewashed。 They poured it on。 Says he; 'Heave on four more barrels。'
Then he says; 'Heave on four more。' Twelve barrels; you see; altogether。
The water ran all over the altar; and all down the sides; and filled up a
trench around it that would hold a couple of hogsheads…'measures;' it
says; I reckon it means about a hogshead。 Some of the people were going
to put on their things and go; for they allowed he was crazy。 They
didn't know Isaac。 Isaac knelt down and began to pray; he strung along;
and strung along; about the heathen in distant lands; and about the
sister churches; and about the state and the country at large; and about
those that's in authority in the government; and all the usual program;
you know; till everybody had got tired and gone to thinking about
something else; and then; all of a sudden; when nobody was noticing; he
outs with a match and rakes it on the under side of his leg; and pff! up
the whole thing blazes like a house afire! Twelve barrels of water?
Petroleum; sir; PETROLEUM! that's what it was!〃
〃Petroleum; captain?〃
〃Yes; sir; the country was full of it。 Isaac knew all about that。
You read the Bible。 Don't you worry about the tough places。 They ain't
tough when you come to think them out and throw light on them。 There
ain't a thing in the Bible but what is true; all you want is to go
prayerfully to work and cipher out how 'twas done。〃
At eight o'clock on the third morning out from New York; land was
sighted。 Away across the sunny waves one saw a faint dark stripe
stretched along under the horizon…or pretended to see it; for the credit
of his eyesight。 Even the Reverend said he saw it; a thing which was
manifestly not so。 But I never have seen any one who was morally strong
enough to confess that he could not see land when others claimed that
they could。
By and by the Bermuda Islands were easily visible。 The principal one lay
upon the water in the distance; a long; dull…colored body; scalloped with
slight hills and valleys。 We could not go straight at it; but had to
travel all the way around it;