2 new moon新月-第58章
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my worries。
I felt awkward； always taking up space at Billy's。 I did some studying for another Calculus test that was
coming up next week； but I could only look at math for so long。 When I didn't have something obvious to
do in my hands；
I felt like I ought to be making conversation with Billy—the pressure of normal societal rules。 But Billy
wasn't one for filling up the long silences； and so the awkwardness continued。
I tried hanging out at Emily's place Wednesday afternoon； for a change。 At first it was kind of nice。 Emily
was a cheerful person who never sat still。 I drifted behind her while she flitted around her little house and
yard； scrubbing at the spotless floor； pulling a tiny weed； fixing a broken hinge； tugging a string of wool
through an ancient loom； and always cooking； too。 She complained lightly about the increase in the boys'
appetites from all their extra running； but it was easy to see she didn't mind taking care of them。 It wasn't
hard to be with her—after all； we were both wolf girls now。
But Sam checked in after I'd been there for a few hours。 I only stayed long enough to ascertain that
Jacob was fine and there was no news； and then I had to escape。 The aura of love and contentment that
surrounded them was harder to take in concentrated doses； with no one else around to dilute it。
So that left me wandering the beach； pacing the length of the rocky crescent back and forth； again and
again。
Alone time wasn't good for me。 Thanks to the new honesty with Jacob； I'd been talking and thinking
about the Cullens way too much。 No matter how I tried to distract myself—and I had plenty to think of： I
was honestly and desperately worried about Jacob and his wolf…brothers； I was terrified for Charlie and
the others who thought they were hunting animals； I was getting in deeper and deeper with Jacob without
ever having consciously decided to progress in that direction and I didn't know what to do about
it—none of these very real； very deserving of thought； very pressing concerns could take my mind off the
pain in my chest for long。 Eventually； I couldn't even walk anymore； because I couldn't breathe。 I sat
down on a patch of semidry rocks and curled up in a ball。
Jacob found me like that； and I could tell from his expression that he understood。
〃Sorry；〃 he said right away。 He pulled me up from the ground and wrapped both arms around my
shoulders。 I hadn't realized that I was cold until then。 His warmth made me shudder； but at least I could
breathe with him there。
〃I'm ruining your spring break；〃 Jacob accused himself as we walked back up the beach。
〃No； you're not。 I didn't have any plans。 I don't think I like spring breaks； anyway。〃
〃I'll take tomorrow morning off。 The others can run without me。 We'll do something fun。〃
The word seemed out of place in my life right now； barely comprehensible； bizarre。 〃Fun？〃
〃Fun is exactly what you need。 Hmm…〃 he gazed out across the heaving gray waves； deliberating。 As his
eyes scanned the horizon； he had a flash of inspiration。
〃Got it！〃 he crowed。 〃Another promise to keep。〃
〃What are you talking about？〃
He let go of my hand and pointed toward the southern edge of the beach； where the flat； rocky
half…moon dead…ended against the sheer sea cliffs。 I stared； uncomprehending。
〃Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving？〃
I shivered。
〃Yeah； it'll be pretty cold—not as cold as it is today。 Can you feel the weather changing？ The pressure？
It will be warmer tomorrow。 You up for it？〃
The dark water did not look inviting； and； from this angle； the cliffs looked even higher than before。
But it had been days since I'd heard Edward's voice。 That was probably part of the problem。 I was
addicted to the sound of my delusions。 It made things worse if I went too long without them。 Jumping off
a cliff was certain to remedy that situation。
〃Sure； I'm up for it。 Fun。〃
〃It's a date；〃 he said； and draped his arm around my shoulders。
〃Okay—now let's go get you some sleep。〃 I didn't like the way the circles under his eyes were beginning
to look permanently etched onto his skin。
I woke early the next morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck。 I had a feeling that Charlie
would approve of today's plan just about as much as he would approve of the motorcycle。
The idea of a distraction from all my worries had me almost excited。 Maybe it would be fun。 A date with
Jacob； a date with Edward… I laughed darkly to myself。 Jake could say what he wanted about us being
a messed…up pair—I was the one who was truly messed up。 I made the werewolf seem downright
normal。
I expected Jacob to meet me out front； the way he usually did when my noisy truck announced my
arrival。 When he didn't； I guessed that he might still be sleeping。 I would wait—let him get as much rest as
he could。 He needed his sleep； and that would give the day time to warm a bit more。 Jake had been right
about the weather； though； it had changed in the night。 A thick layer of clouds pressed heavily on the
atmosphere now； making it almost sultry； it was warm and close under the gray blanket。 I left my sweater
in the truck。
I knocked quietly on the door。
〃C'mon in； Bella；〃 Billy said。
He was at the kitchen table； eating cold cereal。
〃Jake sleeping？〃
〃Er； no。〃 He set his spoon down； and his eyebrows pulled together。
〃What happened？〃 I demanded。 I could tell from his expression that something had。
〃Embry； Jared； and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning。 Sam and Jake took off to help。 Sam was
hopeful—she's hedged herself in beside the mountains。 He thinks they have a good chance to finish this。〃
〃Oh； no； Billy；〃 I whispered。 〃Oh； no。〃
He chuckled； deep and low。 〃Do you really like La Push so well that you want to extend your sentence
here？〃
〃Don't make jokes； Billy。 This is too scary for that。〃
〃You're right；〃 he agreed； still complacent。 His ancient eyes were impossible to read。 〃This one's tricky。〃
I bit my lip。
〃It's not as dangerous for them as you think it is。 Sam knows what he's doing。 You're the one that you
should worry about。 The vampire doesn't want to fight them。 She's just trying to find a way around
them… to you。〃
〃How does Sam know what he's doing？〃 I demanded； brushing aside his concern for me。 〃They've only
killed just the one vampire—that could have been luck。〃
〃We take what we do very seriously； Bella。 Nothing's been forgotten。 Everything they need to know has
been passed down from father to son for generations。〃
That didn't comfort me the way he probably intended it to。 The memory of Victoria； wild； catlike； lethal；
was too strong in my head。 If she couldn't get around the wolves； she would eventually try to go through
them。
Billy went back to his breakfast； I sat down on the sofa and flipped aimlessly though the TV channels。
That didn't last long。 I started to feel closed in by the small room； claustrophobic； upset by the fact that I
couldn't see out the curtained windows。
〃I'll be at the beach；〃 I told Billy abruptly； and hurried out the door。
Being outside didn't help as much as I'd hoped。 The clouds pushed down with an invisible weight that
kept the claustrophobia from easing。 The forest seemed strangely vacant as I walked toward the beach。 I
didn't see any animals—no birds； no squirrels。 I couldn't hear any birds； either。 The silence was eerie；
there wasn't even the sound of wind in the trees。
I knew it was all just a product of the weather； but it still made me edgy。 The heavy； warm pressure of
the atmosphere was perceptible even to my weak human senses； and it hinted at something major in the
storm department。 A glance at the sky backed this up； the clouds were churning sluggishly despite the
lack of breeze on the ground。 The closest clouds were a smoky gray； but between the cracks I could see
another layer that was a gruesome purple color。 The skies had a ferocious plan in store for today。 The
animals must be bunkering down。
As soon as I reached the beach； I wished I hadn't come—I'd already had enough of this p
