burlesques-第104章

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pattern　of　mine。　　〃My　name；　sir；　is　Sharpus；Blunt；　Hone　and

Sharpus；　Middle　Temple　Lane；and　I　am　proud　to　salute　you；　sir；

happy；that　is　to　say；　sorry　to　say　that　Mr。　Tuggeridge；　of

Portland　Place；　is　dead；　and　your　lady　is　heiress；　in　consequence；

to　one　of　the　handsomest　properties　in　the　kingdom。〃



At　this　I　started；　and　might　have　sunk　to　the　ground；　but　for　my

hold　of　Mr。　Bar's　nose；　Orlando　seemed　putrified　to　stone；　with　his

irons　fixed　to　Mr。　Hock's　head；　our　respective　patients　gave　a

wince　out：Mrs。　C。；　Jemimarann；　and　Tug；　rushed　from　the　back

shop；　and　we　formed　a　splendid　tableau　such　as　the　great　Cruikshank

might　have　depicted。



〃And　Mr。　John　Tuggeridge；　sir？〃　says　I。



〃Whyhee；　hee；　hee！〃　says　Mr。　Sharpus。　　〃Surely　you　know　that　he

was　only　thehee；　hee；　hee！the　natural　son！〃



You　now　can　understand　why　the　servants　from　Portland　Place　had

been　so　eager　to　come　to　us。　　One　of　the　house…maids　heard　Mr。

Sharpus　say　there　was　no　will；　and　that　my　wife　was　heir　to　the

property；　and　not　Mr。　John　Tuggeridge：　this　she　told　in　the

housekeeper's　room；　and　off；　as　soon　as　they　heard　it；　the　whole

party　set；　in　order　to　be　the　first　to　bear　the　news。



We　kept　them；　every　one　in　their　old　places；　for；　though　my　wife

would　have　sent　them　about　their　business；　my　dear　Jemimarann　just

hinted；　〃Mamma；　you　know　THEY　have　been　used　to　great　houses；　and

we　have　not；　had　we　not　better　keep　them　for　a　little？〃Keep　them；

then；　we　did；　to　show　us　how　to　be　gentlefolks。



I　handed　over　the　business　to　Mr。　Crump　without　a　single　farthing

of　premium；　though　Jemmy　would　have　made　me　take　four　hundred

pounds　for　it；　but　this　I　was　above：　Crump　had　served　me

faithfully；　and　have　the　shop　he　should。





FIRST　ROUT。





We　were　speedily　installed　in　our　fine　house：　but　what's　a　house

without　friends？　　Jemmy　made　me　CUT　all　my　old　acquaintances　in

the　Market；　and　I　was　a　solitary　being；　when；　luckily；　an　old

acquaintance　of　ours；　Captain　Tagrag；　was　so　kind　as　to　promise　to

introduce　us　into　distinguished　society。　　Tagrag　was　the　son　of　a

baronet；　and　had　done　us　the　honor　of　lodging　with　us　for　two

years；　when　we　lost　sight　of　him；　and　of　his　little　account；　too；

by　the　way。　　A　fortnight　after；　hearing　of　our　good　fortune；　he　was

among　us　again；　however；　and　Jemmy　was　not　a　little　glad　to　see

him；　knowing　him　to　be　a　baronet's　son；　and　very　fond　of　our

Jemimarann。　　Indeed；　Orlando　（who　is　as　brave　as　a　lion）　had　on　one

occasion　absolutely　beaten　Mr。　Tagrag　for　being　rude　to　the　poor

girl：　a　clear　proof；　as　Tagrag　said　afterwards；　that　he　was　always

fond　of　her。



Mr。　Crump；　poor　fellow；　was　not　very　much　pleased　by　our　good

fortune；　though　he　did　all　he　could　to　try　at　first；　and　I　told　him

to　come　and　take　his　dinner　regular；　as　if　nothing　had　happened。

But　to　this　Jemima　very　soon　put　a　stop；　for　she　came　very　justly

to　know　her　stature；　and　to　look　down　on　Crump；　which　she　bid　her

daughter　to　do；　and；　after　a　great　scene；　in　which　Orlando　showed

himself　very　rude　and　angry；　he　was　forbidden　the　housefor　ever！



So　much　for　poor　Crump。　　The　Captain　was　now　all　in　all　with　us。

〃You　see；　sir；〃　our　Jemmy　would　say；　〃we　shall　have　our　town　and

country　mansion；　and　a　hundred　and　thirty　thousand　pounds　in　the

funds；　to　leave　between　our　two　children；　and；　with　such　prospects；

they　ought　surely　to　have　the　first　society　of　England。〃　　To　this

Tagrag　agreed；　and　promised　to　bring　us　acquainted　with　the　very

pink　of　the　fashion；　ay；　and　what's　more；　did。



First；　he　made　my　wife　get　an　opera…box；　and　give　suppers　on

Tuesdays　and　Saturdays。　　As　for　me；　he　made　me　ride　in　the　Park：　me

and　Jemimarann；　with　two　grooms　behind　us；　who　used　to　laugh　all

the　way；　and　whose　very　beards　I　had　shaved。　　As　for　little　Tug；　he

was　sent　straight　off　to　the　most　fashionable　school　in　the

kingdom；　the　Reverend　Doctor　Pigney's；　at　Richmond。



Well；　the　horses；　the　suppers；　the　opera…box；　the　paragraphs　in　the

papers　about　Mr。　Coxe　Coxe　（that's　the　way：　double　your　name　and

stick　an　〃e〃　to　the　end　of　it；　and　you　are　a　gentleman　at　once）；

had　an　effect　in　a　wonderfully　short　space　of　time；　and　we　began　to

get　a　very　pretty　society　about　us。　　Some　of　old　Tug's　friends

swore　they　would　do　anything　for　the　family；　and　brought　their

wives　and　daughters　to　see　dear　Mrs。　Coxe　and　her　charming　girl；

and　when；　about　the　first　week　in　February；　we　announced　a　grand

dinner　and　ball　for　the　evening　of　the　twenty…eighth；　I　assure　you

there　was　no　want　of　company：　no；　nor　of　titles　neither；　and　it

always　does　my　heart　good　even　to　hear　one　mentioned。



Let　me　see。　　There　was；　first；　my　Lord　Dunboozle；　an　Irish　peer；

and　his　seven　sons；　the　Honorable　Messieurs　Trumper　（two　only　to

dinner）：　there　was　Count　Mace；　the　celebrated　French　nobleman；　and

his　Excellency　Baron　von　Punter　from　Baden；　there　was　Lady　Blanche

Bluenose；　the　eminent　literati；　author　of　〃The　Distrusted〃　〃The

Distorted；〃　〃The　Disgusted；〃　〃The　Disreputable　One；〃　and　other

poems；　there　was　the　Dowager　Lady　Max　and　her　daughter；　the

Honorable　Miss　Adelaide　Blueruin；　Sir　Charles　Codshead；　from　the

City；　and　Field…Marshal　Sir　Gorman　O'Gallagher；　K。A。；　K。B。；　K。C。；

K。W。；　K。X。；　in　the　service　of　the　Republic　of　Guatemala：　my　friend

Tagrag　and　his　fashionable　acquaintance；　little　Tom　Tufthunt；　made

up　the　party。　　And　when　the　doors　were　flung　open；　and　Mr。　Hock；　in

black；　with　a　white　napkin；　three　footmen；　coachman；　and　a　lad　whom

Mrs。　C。　had　dressed　in　sugar…loaf　buttons　and　called　a　page；　were

seen　round　the　dinner…table；　all　in　white　gloves；　I　promise　you　I

felt　a　thrill　of　elation；　and　thought　to　myselfSam　Cox；　Sam　Cox；

who　ever　would　have　expected　to　see　you　here？



After　dinner；　there　was　to　be；　as　I　said；　an　evening…party；　and

to　this　Messieurs　Tagrag　and　Tufthunt　had　invited　many　of　the

principal　nobility　that　our　metropolis　had　produced。　　When　I

mention；　among　the　company　to　tea；　her　Grace　the　Duchess　of　Zero；

her　son　the　Marquis　of　Fitzurse；　and　the　Ladies　North　Pole　her

daughters；　when　I　say　that　there　were　yet　OTHERS；　whose　names　may

be　found　in　the　Blue　Book；　but　shan't；　out　of　modesty；　be　mentioned

here；　I　think　I've　said　enough　to　show　that；　in　our　time；　No。　96；

Portland　Place；　was　the　resort　of　the　best　of　company。



It　was　our　first　dinner；　and　dressed　by　our　new　cook；　Munseer

Cordongblew。　　I　bore　it　very　well；　eating；　for　my　share；　a　filly

dysol　allamater　dotell；　a　cutlet　soubeast；　a　pully　bashymall；　and

other　French　dishes：　and；　for　the　frisky　sweet　wine；　with　tin　tops

to　the　bottles；　called　Champang；　I　must　say　that　me　and　Mrs。　Coxe…

Tuggeridge　Coxe　drank　a　very　good　share　of　it　（but　the　Claret　and

Jonnysberger；　being　sour；　we　did　not　much　relish）。　　However；　the

feed；　as　I　say；　went　off　very　well：　Lady　Blanche　Bluenose　sitting

next　to　me；　and　being　so　good　as　to　put　me　down　for　six　copies　of

all　her　poems；　the　Count　and　Baron　von　Punter　engaging　Jemimarann

for　several　waltzes；　and　the　Field…Marshal　plying　my　dear　Jemmy

with　Champagne；　until；　bless　her！　her　dear　nose　became　as　red　as

her　new　crimson　satin　gown；　which；　with　a　blue　turban　and　bird…of…

paradise　feathers；　made　her　look　like　an　empress；　I　warrant。



Well；　dinner　past；　Mrs。　C。　and　the　ladies　went　off：thunder…under…

under　came　the　knocks　at　the　door；　squeedle…eedle…eedle；　Mr。

Wippert's　fiddlers　began　to　strike　up；　and；　about　half…past　eleven；

me　and　the　gents　thought　it　high　time　to　make　our　appearance。　　I

felt　a　LITTLE　squeamish　at　the　thought　of　meeting　a　couple　of

hundred　great　people；　but　Count　Mace　and　Sir　Gorman　O'Gallagher

taking　each　an　arm；　we　reached；　at　last；　the　drawing…room。



The　young　ones　in　company　were　dancing；　and　the　Duchess　and　the

great　ladies　were　all　seated；　talking　to　themselves　very　stately；

and　working　away　at　the　ices　and　macaroons。　　I　looked　out　for　my

pretty　Jemimarann　amongst　the　dancers；　and　saw　her　tearing　round