burlesques-第113章

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〃I　won't　have　no　more；　thank　yer；〃　said　the　little　cabman；

gathering　himself　up。　　〃Give　us　over　my　fare；　vil　yer；　and　let　me

git　away？〃



〃What's　your　fare；　NOW；　you　cowardly　little　thief？〃　says　Tug。



〃Vy；　then；　two…and…eightpence；〃　says　he。　　〃Go　along；you　KNOW　it

is！〃　and　two…and…eightpence　he　had；　and　everybody　applauded　Tug；

and　hissed　the　cab…boy；　and　asked　Tug　for　something　to　drink。　　We

heard　the　packet…bell　ringing；　and　all　run　down　the　stairs　to　be　in

time。



I　now　thought　our　troubles　would　soon　be　over；　mine　were；　very

nearly　so；　in　one　sense　at　least：　for　after　Mrs。　Coxe　and

Jemimarann；　and　Tug；　and　the　maid；　and　valet；　and　valuables　had

been　handed　across；　it　came　to　my　turn。　　I　had　often　heard　of

people　being　taken　up　by　a　PLANK；　but　seldom　of　their　being　set

down　by　one。　　Just　as　I　was　going　over；　the　vessel　rode　off　a

little；　the　board　slipped；　and　down　I　soused　into　the　water。　　You

might　have　heard　Mrs。　Coxe's　shriek　as　far　as　Gravesend；　it　rung　in

my　ears　as　I　went　down；　all　grieved　at　the　thought　of　leaving　her　a

disconsolate　widder。　　Well；　up　I　came　again；　and　caught　the　brim　of

my　beaver…hatthough　I　have　heard　that　drowning　men　catch　at

straws：I　floated；　and　hoped　to　escape　by　hook　or　by　crook；　and；

luckily；　just　then；　I　felt　myself　suddenly　jerked　by　the　waistband

of　my　whites；　and　found　myself　hauled　up　in　the　air　at　the　end　of　a

boat…hook；　to　the　sound　of　〃Yeho！　yeho！　yehoi！　yehoi！〃　and　so　I　was

dragged　aboard。　　I　was　put　to　bed；　and　had　swallowed　so　much　water

that　it　took　a　very　considerable　quantity　of　brandy　to　bring　it　to

a　proper　mixture　in　my　inside。　　In　fact；　for　some　hours　I　was　in　a

very　deplorable　state。





NOTICE　TO　QUIT。





Well；　we　arrived　at　Boulogne；　and　Jemmy；　after　making　inquiries；

right　and　left；　about　the　Baron；　found　that　no　such　person　was

known　there；　and　being　bent；　I　suppose；　at　all　events；　on　marrying

her　daughter　to　a　lord；　she　determined　to　set　off　for　Paris；　where；

as　he　had　often　said；　he　possessed　a　magnificent　　hotel　he

called　it；and　I　remember　Jemmy　being　mightily　indignant　at　the

idea；　but　hotel；　we　found　afterwards；　means　only　a　house　in　French；

and　this　reconciled　her。　　Need　I　describe　the　road　from　Boulogne　to

Paris？　　or　need　I　describe　that　Capitol　itself？　　Suffice　it　to　say；

that　we　made　our　appearance　there；　at　〃Murisse's　Hotel；〃　as　became

the　family　of　Coxe　Tuggeridge；　and　saw　everything　worth　seeing　in

the　metropolis　in　a　week。　　It　nearly　killed　me；　to　be　sure；　but；

when　you're　on　a　pleasure…party　in　a　foreign　country；　you　must　not

mind　a　little　inconvenience　of　this　sort。



Well；　there　is；　near　the　city　of　Paris；　a　splendid　road　and　row　of

trees；　whichI　don't　know　whyis　called　the　Shandeleezy；　or

Elysian　Fields；　in　French：　others；　I　have　heard；　call　it　the

Shandeleery；　but　mine　I　know　to　be　the　correct　pronunciation。　　In

the　middle　of　this　Shandeleezy　is　an　open　space　of　ground；　and　a

tent　where；　during　the　summer；　Mr。　Franconi；　the　French　Ashley；

performs　with　his　horses　and　things。　　As　everybody　went　there；　and

we　were　told　it　was　quite　the　thing；　Jemmy　agreed　that　we　should　go

too；　and　go　we　did。



It's　just　like　Ashley's：　there's　a　man　just　like　Mr。　Piddicombe；

who　goes　round　the　ring　in　a　huzzah…dress；　cracking　a　whip；　there

are　a　dozen　Miss　Woolfords；　who　appear　like　Polish　princesses；

Dihannas；　Sultannas；　Cachuchas；　and　heaven　knows　what！　　There's　the

fat　man；　who　comes　in　with　the　twenty…three　dresses　on；　and　turns

out　to　be　the　living　skeleton！　　There's　the　clowns；　the　sawdust；

the　white　horse　that　dances　a　hornpipe；　the　candles　stuck　in　hoops；

just　as　in　our　own　dear　country。



My　dear　wife；　in　her　very　finest　clothes；　with　all　the　world

looking　at　her；　was　really　enjoying　this　spectacle　（which　doesn't

require　any　knowledge　of　the　language；　seeing　that　the　dumb　animals

don't　talk　it）；　when　there　came　in；　presently；　〃the　great　Polish

act　of　the　Sarmatian　horse…tamer；　on　eight　steeds；〃　which　we　were

all　of　us　longing　to　see。　　The　horse…tamer；　to　music　twenty　miles

an　hour；　rushed　in　on　four　of　his　horses；　leading　the　other　four；

and　skurried　round　the　ring。　　You　couldn't　see　him　for　the　sawdust；

but　everybody　was　delighted；　and　applauded　like　mad。　　Presently；

you　saw　there　were　only　three　horses　in　front：　he　had　slipped　one

more　between　his　legs；　another　followed；　and　it　was　clear　that　the

consequences　would　be　fatal；　if　he　admitted　any　more。　　The　people

applauded　more　than　ever；　and　when；　at　last；　seven　and　eight　were

made　to　go　in；　not　wholly；　but　sliding　dexterously　in　and　out；　with

the　others；　so　that　you　did　not　know　which　was　which；　the　house；　I

thought；　would　come　down　with　applause；　and　the　Sarmatian　horse…

tamer　bowed　his　great　feathers　to　the　ground。　　At　last　the　music

grew　slower；　and　he　cantered　leisurely　round　the　ring；　bending；

smirking；　seesawing；　waving　his　whip；　and　laying　his　hand　on　his

heart；　just　as　we　have　seen　the　Ashley's　people　do。　　But　fancy　our

astonishment　when；　suddenly；　this　Sarmatian　horse…tamer；　coming

round　with　his　four　pair　at　a　canter；　and　being　opposite　our　box；

gave　a　start；　and　ahupp！　which　made　all　his　horses　stop　stock…

still　at　an　instant。



〃Albert！〃　screamed　my　dear　Jemmy：　〃Albert！　　Bahbahbahbaron！〃　　The

Sarmatian　looked　at　her　for　a　minute；　and　turning　head　over　heels；

three　times；　bolted　suddenly　off　his　horses；　and　away　out　of　our

sight。



It　was　HIS　EXCELLENCY　THE　BARON　DE　PUNTER！



Jemmy　went　off　in　a　fit　as　usual；　and　we　never　saw　the　Baron　again；

but　we　heard；　afterwards；　that　Punter　was　an　apprentice　of

Franconi's；　and　had　run　away　to　England；　thinking　to　better

himself；　and　had　joined　Mr。　Richardson's　army；　but　Mr。　Richardson；

and　then　London；　did　not　agree　with　him；　and　we　saw　the　last　of　him

as　he　sprung　over　the　barriers　at　the　Tuggeridgeville　tournament。



〃Well；　Jemimarann；〃　says　Jemmy；　in　a　fury；　〃you　shall　marry　Tagrag；

and　if　I　can't　have　a　baroness　for　a　daughter；　at　least　you　shall

be　a　baronet's　lady。〃　　Poor　Jemimarann　only　sighed：　she　knew　it　was

of　no　use　to　remonstrate。



Paris　grew　dull　to　us　after　this；　and　we　were　more　eager　than　ever

to　go　back　to　London：　for　what　should　we　hear；　but　that　that

monster；　Tuggeridge；　of　the　Cityold　Tug's　black　son；　forsooth！

was　going　to　contest　Jemmy's　claim　to　the　property；　and　had　filed　I

don't　know　how　many　bills　against　us　in　Chancery！　　Hearing　this；　we

set　off　immediately；　and　we　arrived　at　Boulogne；　and　set　off　in

that　very　same　〃Grand　Turk〃　which　had　brought　us　to　France。



If　you　look　in　the　bills；　you　will　see　that　the　steamers　leave

London　on　Saturday　morning；　and　Boulogne　on　Saturday　night；　so　that

there　is　often　not　an　hour　between　the　time　of　arrival　and

departure。　　Bless　us！　bless　us！　　I　pity　the　poor　Captain　that；　for

twenty…four　hours　at　a　time；　is　on　a　paddle…box；　roaring　out；　〃Ease

her！　　Stop　her！〃　and　the　poor　servants；　who　are　laying　out

breakfast；　lunch；　dinner；　tea；　supper；breakfast；　lunch；　dinner；

tea；　supper　again；for　layers　upon　layers　of　travellers；　as　it

were；　and　most　of　all；　I　pity　that　unhappy　steward；　with　those

unfortunate　tin…basins　that　he　must　always　keep　an　eye　over。

Little　did　we　know　what　a　storm　was　brooding　in　our　absence；　and

little　were　we　prepared　for　the　awful；　awful　fate　that　hung　over

our　Tuggeridgeville　property。



Biggs；　of　the　great　house　of　Higgs；　Biggs；　and　Blatherwick；　was　our

man　of　business：　when　I　arrived　in　London　I　heard　that　he　had　just

set　off　to　Paris　after　me。　　So　we　started　down　to　Tuggeridgeville

instead　of　going　to　Portland　Place。　　As　we　came　through　the　lodge…

gates；　we　found　a　crowd　assembled　within　them；　and　there　was　that

horrid　Tuggeridige　on　horseback；　with　a　shabby…looking　man；　called

Mr。　Scapgoat；　and　his　man　of　business；　and　many　more。　　〃Mr。

Scapgoat；〃　says　Tuggeridge；　grinning；　and　handing　him　over　a　sealed

paper；　〃here's　the　lease；　I　leave　you　in　possession；　and　wish　you