burlesques-第53章

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dead！〃



〃And　afterwards；〃　said　she；　〃do　you　suppose　that　YOU　can　escape？

The　torments　of　hell　are　not　so　terrible　as　the　tortures　that

Holkar　will　invent　for　thee。〃



〃Tortures；　madam？〃　answered　I；　coolly。　　〃Fiddlesticks！　　You　will

neither　betray　me；　nor　will　I　be　put　to　the　torture：　on　the

contrary；　you　will　give　me　your　best　jewels　and　facilitate　my

escape　to　the　fort。　　Don't　grind　your　teeth　and　swear　at　me。

Listen；　madam　：　you　know　this　dress　and　these　arms；they　are　the

arms　of　your　husband；　Bobbachy　BahawderMY　PRISONER。　　He　now　lies

in　yonder　fort；　and　if　I　do　not　return　before　daylight；　at　SUNRISE

HE　DIES：　and　then；　when　they　send　his　corpse　back　to　Holkar；　what

will　you；　HIS　WIDOW；　do？〃



〃Oh！〃　said　she；　shuddering；　〃spare　me；　spare　me！〃



〃I'll　tell　you　what　you　will　do。　　You　will　have　the　pleasure　of

dying　along　with　himof　BEING　ROASTED；　madam：　an　agonizing　death；

from　which　your　father　cannot　save　you；　to　which　he　will　be　the

first　man　to　condemn　and　conduct　you。　　Ha！　I　see　we　understand　each

other；　and　you　will　give　me　over　the　cash…box　and　jewels。〃　　And　so

saying　I　threw　myself　back　with　the　calmest　air　imaginable；

flinging　the　pistols　over　to　her。　　〃Light　me　a　pipe；　my　love；〃　said

I；　〃and　then　go　and　hand　me　over　the　dollars；　do　you　hear？〃　　You

see　I　had　her　in　my　powerup　a　tree；　as　the　Americans　say；　and　she

very　humbly　lighted　my　pipe　for　me；　and　then　departed　for　the　goods

I　spoke　about。



What　a　thing　is　luck！　　If　Loll　Mahommed　had　not　been　made　to　take

that　ride　round　the　camp；　I　should　infallibly　have　been　lost。



My　supper；　my　quarrel　with　the　princess；　and　my　pipe　afterwards；

had　occupied　a　couple　of　hours　of　my　time。　　The　princess　returned

from　her　quest；　and　brought　with　her　the　box；　containing　valuables

to　the　amount　of　about　three　millions　sterling。　　（I　was　cheated　of

them　afterwards；　but　have　the　box　still；　a　plain　deal　one。）　　I　was

just　about　to　take　my　departure；　when　a　tremendous　knocking；

shouting；　and　screaming　was　heard　at　the　entrance　of　the　tent。　　It

was　Holkar　himself；　accompanied　by　that　cursed　Loll　Mahommed；　who；

after　his　punishment；　found　his　master　restored　to　good　humor；　and

had　communicated　to　him　his　firm　conviction　that　I　was　an　impostor。



〃Ho；　Begum；〃　shouted　he；　in　the　ante…room　（for　he　and　his　people

could　not　enter　the　women's　apartments）；　〃speak；　O　my　daughter！　is

your　husband　returned？〃



〃Speak；　madam；〃　said　I；　〃or　REMEMBER　THE　ROASTING。〃



〃He　is；　papa；〃　said　the　Begum。



〃Are　you　sure？　　Ho！　ho！　ho！〃　（the　old　ruffian　was　laughing

outside）〃are　you　sure　it　is？Ha！　aha！HE…E…E！〃



〃Indeed　it　is　he；　and　no　other。　　I　pray　you；　father；　to　go；　and　to

pass　no　more　such　shameless　jests　on　your　daughter。　　Have　I　ever

seen　the　face　of　any　other　man？〃　　And　hereat　she　began　to　weep　as

if　her　heart　would　breakthe　deceitful　minx！



Holkar's　laugh　was　instantly　turned　to　fury。　　〃Oh；　you　liar　and

eternal　thief！〃　said　he；　turning　round　（as　I　presume；　for　I　could

only　hear）　to　Loll　Mahommed；　〃to　make　your　prince　eat　such

monstrous　dirt　as　this！　　Furoshes；　seize　this　man。　　I　dismiss　him

from　my　service；　I　degrade　him　from　his　rank；　I　appropriate　to

myself　all　his　property：　and　hark　ye；　furoshes；　GIVE　HIM　A　HUNDRED

DOZEN　MORE！〃



Again　I　heard　the　whacks　of　the　bamboos；　and　peace　flowed　into　my

soul。



　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。



Just　as　morn　began　to　break；　two　figures　were　seen　to　approach　the

little　fortress　of　Futtyghur：　one　was　a　woman　wrapped　closely　in　a

veil；　the　other　a　warrior；　remarkable　for　the　size　and　manly　beauty

of　his　form；　who　carried　in　his　hand　a　deal　box　of　considerable

size。　　The　warrior　at　the　gate　gave　the　word　and　was　admitted；　the

woman　returned　slowly　to　the　Indian　camp。　　Her　name　was　Puttee

Rooge；　his　was



G。　O'G。　G。；　M。　H。　E。　I。　C。　S。；　C。　I。　H。　A。





CHAPTER　VI。



FAMINE　IN　THE　GARRISON。





Thus　my　dangers　for　the　night　being　overcome；　I　hastened　with　my

precious　box　into　my　own　apartment；　which　communicated　with

another；　where　I　had　left　my　prisoner；　with　a　guard　to　report　if　he

should　recover；　and　to　prevent　his　escape。　　My　servant；　Ghorumsaug；

was　one　of　the　guard。　　I　called　him；　and　the　fellow　came；　looking

very　much　confused　and　frightened；　as　it　seemed；　at　my　appearance。



〃Why；　Ghorumsaug；〃　said　I；　〃what　makes　thee　look　so　pale；　fellow？〃

（he　was　as　white　as　a　sheet。）　　〃It　is　thy　master；　dost　thou　not

remember　him？〃　　The　man　had　seen　me　dress　myself　in　the　Pitan's

clothes；　but　was　not　present　when　I　had　blacked　my　face　and　beard

in　the　manner　I　have　described。



〃O　Bramah；　Vishnu；　and　Mahomet！〃　cried　the　faithful　fellow；　〃and　do

I　see　my　dear　master　disguised　in　this　way？　　For　heaven's　sake　let

me　rid　you　of　this　odious　black　paint；　for　what　will　the　ladies　say

in　the　ball…room；　if　the　beautiful　Feringhee　should　appear　amongst

them　with　his　roses　turned　into　coal？〃



I　am　still　one　of　the　finest　men　in　Europe；　and　at　the　time　of

which　I　write；　when　only　two…and…twenty；　I　confess　I　WAS　a　little

vain　of　my　personal　appearance；　and　not　very　willing　to　appear

before　my　dear　Belinda　disguised　like　a　blackamoor。　　I　allowed

Ghorumsaug　to　divest　me　of　the　heathenish　armor　and　habiliments

which　I　wore；　and　having；　with　a　world　of　scrubbing　and　trouble；

divested　my　face　and　beard　of　their　black　tinge；　I　put　on　my　own

becoming　uniform；　and　hastened　to　wait　on　the　ladies；　hastened；　I

say；although　delayed　would　have　been　the　better　word；　for　the

operation　of　bleaching　lasted　at　least　two　hours。



〃How　is　the　prisoner；　Ghorumsaug？〃　said　I；　before　leaving　my

apartment。



〃He　has　recovered　from　the　blow　which　the　Lion　dealt　him；　two　men

and　myself　watch　over　him；　and　Macgillicuddy　Sahib　（the　second　in

command）　has　just　been　the　rounds；　and　has　seen　that　all　was

secure。〃



I　bade　Ghorumsaug　help　me　to　put　away　my　chest　of　treasure　（my

exultation　in　taking　it　was　so　great　that　I　could　not　help　informing

him　of　its　contents）；　and　this　done；　I　despatched　him　to　his　post

near　the　prisoner；　while　I　prepared　to　sally　forth　and　pay　my

respects　to　the　fair　creatures　under　my　protection。　　〃What　good

after　all　have　I　done；〃　thought　I　to　myself；　〃in　this　expedition

which　I　had　so　rashly　undertaken？〃　　I　had　seen　the　renowned　Holkar；

I　had　been　in　the　heart　of　his　camp；　I　knew　the　disposition　of　his

troops；　that　there　were　eleven　thousand　of　them；　and　that　he　only

waited　for　his　guns　to　make　a　regular　attack　on　the　fort。　　I　had

seen　Puttee　Rooge；　I　had　robbed　her　（I　say　ROBBED　her；　and　I　don't

care　what　the　reader　or　any　other　man　may　think　of　the　act）　of　a

deal　box；　containing　jewels　to　the　amount　of　three　millions

sterling；　the　property　of　herself　and　husband。



Three　millions　in　money　and　jewels！　　And　what　the　deuce　were　money

and　jewels　to　me　or　to　my　poor　garrison？　　Could　my　adorable　Miss

Bulcher　eat　a　fricassee　of　diamonds；　or；　Cleopatra…like；　melt　down

pearls　to　her　tea？　　Could　I；　careless　as　I　am　about　food；　with　a

stomach　that　would　digest　anything（once；　in　Spain；　I　ate　the　leg

of　a　horse　during　a　famine；　and　was　so　eager　to　swallow　this　morsel

that　I　bolted　the　shoe；　as　well　as　the　hoof；　and　never　felt　the

slightest　inconvenience　from　either；）could　I；　I　say；　expect　to

live　long　and　well　upon　a　ragout　of　rupees；　or　a　dish　of　stewed

emeralds　and　rubies？　　With　all　the　wealth　of　Croesus　before　me　I

felt　melancholy；　and　would　have　paid　cheerfully　its　weight　in

carats　for　a　good　honest　round　of　boiled　beef。　　Wealth；　wealth；

what　art　thou？　　What　is　gold？Soft　metal。　　What　are　diamonds？

Shining　tinsel。　　The　great　wealth…winners；　the　only　fame…achievers；

the　sole　objects　worthy　of　a　soldier's　consideration；　are

beefsteaks；　gunpowder；　and　cold　iron。



The　two　latter　means　of　competency　we　possessed；　I　had　in　my　own

apartments　a　small　store　of　gunpowder　（keeping　it　under　my　own　bed；

with　a　candle　burning　for　fear　of　accide