the portygee-第74章
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comfort her； and all the time he felt like a brute； a heartless
beast。 At last she ceased crying； sat up and wiped her eyes with
her handkerchief。
〃There！〃 she exclaimed。 〃I will not be silly any longer。 I won't
be！ I WON'T！ 。 。 。 Now tell me： Why have you changed so？〃
He looked down at her and shook his head。 He was conscience…
stricken and fully as miserable as she professed to be。
〃I don't know；〃 he said。 〃I am older andandand I DON'T see
things as I used to。 If that book of mine had appeared three years
ago I have no doubt I should have believed it to be the greatest
thing ever printed。 Now； when people tell me it is and I read what
the reviewers said and all that； II DON'T believe； I KNOW it
isn't greatthat is； the most of it isn't。 There is some pretty
good stuff； of course； but You see； I think it wasn't the poems
themselves that made it sell； I think it was all the fool tommyrot
the papers printed about me； about my being a hero and all that
rubbish； when they thought I was dead； you know。 That〃
She interrupted。 〃Oh； don't！〃 she cried。 〃Don't！ I don't care
about the old book。 I'm not thinking about that。 I'm thinking
about you。 YOU aren't the samethe same toward me。〃
〃Toward you； Madeline？ I don't understand what you mean。〃
〃Yes； you do。 Of course you do。 If you were the same as you used
to be； you would let Father help you。 We used to talk about that
very thing andand you didn't resent it then。〃
〃Didn't I？ Well； perhaps I didn't。 But I think I remember our
speaking sometimes of sacrificing everything for each other。 We
were to live in poverty； if necessary； and I was to write； you
know； and〃
〃Stop！ All that was nonsense； nonsense！ you know it。〃
〃Yes； I'm afraid it was。〃
〃You know it was。 And if you were as you used to be； if you〃
〃Madeline！〃
〃What？ Why did you interrupt me？〃
〃Because I wanted to ask you a question。 Do you think YOU are
exactly the sameas you used to be？〃
〃What do you mean？〃
〃Haven't YOU changed a little？ Are you as sure as you were then
as sure of your feeling toward me？〃
She gazed at him； wide…eyed。 〃WHAT do you mean？〃
〃I mean ARE you sure？ It has seemed to me that perhapsI was out
of your life for a long time； you know； and during a good deal of
that time it seemed certain that I had gone forever。 I am not
blaming you； goodness knows； butMadeline； isn't there Well； if
I hadn't come back； mightn't there have been some oneelse？〃
She turned pale。
〃What do〃 she stammered； inarticulate。 〃Why； why〃
〃It was Captain Blanchard； wasn't it？〃
The color came back to her cheeks with a rush。 She blushed
furiously and sprang to her feet。
〃Howhow can you say such things！〃 she cried。 〃What do you mean？
How DARE you say Captain Blanchard took advantage of Howhow
DARE you say I was not loyal to you？ It is not true。 It is not
true。 I was。 I am。 There hasn't been a worda word between us
sincesince the news came that you were I told himI said
And he has been splendid！ Splendid！ And now you say Oh； what
AM I saying？ What SHALL I do？〃
She collapsed once more among the cushions。 He leaned forward。
〃My dear girl〃 he began； but she broke in。
〃I HAVEN'T been disloyal；〃 she cried。 〃I have tried Oh； I have
tried so hard〃
〃Hush； Madeline； hush。 I understand。 I understand perfectly。 It
is all right； really it is。〃
〃And I should have kept on trying alwaysalways。〃
〃Yes； dear； yes。 But do you think a married life with so much
trying in it likely to be a happy one？ It is better to know it
now； isn't it； a great deal better for both of us？ Madeline； I am
going to my room。 I want you to think； to think over all this； and
then we will talk again。 I don't blame you。 I don't； dear；
really。 I think I realize everythingall of it。 Good night；
dear。〃
He stooped and kissed her。 She sobbed； but that was all。 The next
morning a servant came to his room with a parcel and a letter。 The
parcel was a tiny one。 It was the ring he had given her； in its
case。 The letter was short and much blotted。 It read：
Dear Albert：
I have thought and thought； as you told me to； and I have concluded
that you were right。 It IS best to know it now。 Forgive me；
please； PLEASE。 I feel wicked and horrid and I HATE myself； but I
think this is best。 Oh； do forgive me。 Good…by。
MADELINE。
His reply was longer。 At its end he wrote：
Of course I forgive you。 In the first place there is nothing to
forgive。 The unforgivable thing would have been the sacrifice of
your happiness and your future to a dream and a memory。 I hope you
will be very happy。 I am sure you will be； for Blanchard is； I
know； a fine fellow。 The best of fortune to you both。
The next forenoon he sat once more in the car of the morning train
for Cape Cod； looking out of the window。 He had made the journey
from New York by the night boat and had boarded the Cape train at
Middleboro。 All the previous day； and in the evening as he tramped
the cold wind…swept deck of the steamer； he had been trying to
collect his thoughts； to readjust them to the new situation； to
comprehend in its entirety the great change that had come in his
life。 The vague plans； the happy indefinite dreams； all the
rainbows and roses had gone； shivered to bits like the reflection
in a broken mirror。 Madeline； his Madeline； was his no longer。
Nor was he hers。 In a way it seemed impossible。
He tried to analyze his feelings。 It seemed as if he should have
been crushed； grief…stricken； broken。 He was inclined to reproach
himself because he was not。 Of course there was a sadness about
it； a regret that the wonder of those days of love and youth had
passed。 But the sorrow was not bitter； the regret was but a
wistful longing； the sweet； lingering fragrance of a memory； that
was all。 Toward her； Madeline； he feltand it surprised him； too；
to find that he feltnot the slightest trace of resentment。 And
more surprising still he felt none toward Blanchard。 He had meant
what he said in his letter； he wished for them both the greatest
happiness。
Andthere was no use attempting to shun the facthis chief
feeling； as he sat there by the car window looking out at the
familiar landscape； was a great relief； a consciousness of escape
from what might have been a miserable； crushing mistake for him and
for her。 And with this a growing sense of freedom； of buoyancy。
It seemed wicked to feel like that。 Then it came to him； the
thought that Madeline； doubtless； was experiencing the same
feeling。 And he did not mind a bit； he hoped she was； bless her！
A youthful cigar 〃drummer；〃 on his first Down…East trip； sat down
beside him。
〃Kind of a flat； bare country； ain't it？〃 observed the drummer；
with a jerk of his head toward the window。 〃Looks bleak enough to
me。 Know anything about this neck of the woods； do you？〃
Albert turned to look at him。
〃Meaning the Cape？〃 he asked。
〃Sure。〃
〃Indeed I do。 I know all about it。〃
〃That so！ Say； you sound as if you liked it。〃
Albert turned back to the window again。
〃Like it！〃 he repeated。 〃I love it。〃 Then he sighed； a sigh of
satisfaction； and added： 〃You see； I BELONG here。〃
His grandparents and Rachel were surprised when he walked into the
house that noon and announced that he hoped dinner was ready；
because he was hungry。 But their surprise was more than balanced
by their joy。 Captain Zelotes demanded to know how long he was
going to stay。
〃As long as you'll have me； Grandfather；〃 was the answer。
〃Eh？ Well； that would be a consider'ble spell； if you left it to
us； but I cal'late that girl in New York will have somethin' to say
as to time limit； won't she？〃
Albert smiled。 〃I'll tell you about that by and by；〃 he said。
He did not tell them until that evening after supper。 It was
Friday evening and Olive was going to prayer…meeting； but she
delayed 〃putting on her things〃 to hear the tale。 The news that
the engagement was off and that her grandson was not； after all； to
wed the daughter of the Honorable Fletcher Fosdick； shocked and
grieved her not a little。
〃Oh； dear！〃 she sighed。 〃I supp
