father goriot(高老头)-第37章
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oresees such an end to love？ You swear to love us eternally； how； then； can our interests be separate？
〃You do not know how I suffered to…day when Nucingen refused to give me six thousand francs； he spends as much as that every month on his mistress； an opera dancer！ I thought of killing myself。 The wildest thoughts came into my head。 There have been moments in my life when I have envied my servants； and would have changed places with my maid。 It was madness to think of going to our father； Anastasie and I have bled him dry； our poor father would have sold himself if he could have raised six thousand francs that way。 I should have driven him frantic to no purpose。 You have saved me from shame and death； I was beside myself with anguish。 Ah！ monsieur； I owed you this explanation after my mad ravings。 When you left me just now； as soon as you were out of sight； I longed to escape； to run away 。 。 。 where； I did not know。 Half the women in Paris lead such lives as mine； they live in apparent luxury； and in their souls are tormented by anxiety。 I know of poor creatures even more miserable than I； there are women who are driven to ask their tradespeople to make out false bills； women who rob their husbands。 Some men believe that an Indian shawl worth a thousand louis only cost five hundred francs； others that a shawl costing five hundred francs is worth a hundred louis。 There are women； too； with narrow incomes； who scrape and save and starve their children to pay for a dress。 I am innocent of these base meannesses。 But this is the last extremity of my torture。 Some women will sell themselves to their husbands； and so obtain their way； but I； at any rate； am free。 If I chose； Nucingen would cover me with gold； but I would rather weep on the breast of a man whom I can respect。 Ah！ tonight； M。 de Marsay will no longer have a right to think of me as a woman whom he has paid。〃 She tried to conceal her tears from him； hiding her face in her hands； Eugene drew them away and looked at her； she seemed to him sublime at that moment。
〃It is hideous； is it not；〃 she cried； 〃to speak in a breath of money and affection。 You cannot love me after this；〃 she added。
The incongruity between the ideas of honor which make women so great； and the errors in conduct which are forced upon them by the constitution of society； had thrown Eugene's thoughts into confusion； he uttered soothing and consoling words； and wondered at the beautiful woman before him； and at the artless imprudence of her cry of pain。
〃You will not remember this against me？〃 she asked； 〃promise me that you will not。〃
〃Ah！ madame； I am incapable of doing so；〃 he said。 She took his hand and held it to her heart； a movement full of grace that expressed her deep gratitude。
〃I am free and happy once more； thanks to you；〃 she said。 〃Oh！ I have felt lately as if I were in the grasp of an iron hand。 But after this I mean to live simply and to spend nothing。 You will think me just as pretty； will you not； my friend？ Keep this；〃 she went on； as she took only six of the banknotes。 〃In conscience I owe you a thousand crowns； for I really ought to go halves with you。〃
Eugene's maiden conscience resisted； but when the Baroness said； 〃I am bound to look on you as an accomplice or as an enemy；〃 he took the money。
〃It shall be a last stake in reserve；〃 he said； 〃in case of misfortune。〃
〃That was what I was dreading to hear；〃 she cried； turning pale。 〃Oh； if you would that I should be anything to you； swear to me that you will never re…enter a gaming…house。 Great Heaven！ that I should corrupt you！ I should die of sorrow！〃
They had reached the Rue Saint…Lazare by this time。 The contrast between the ostentation of wealth in the house； and the wretched condition of its mistress； dazed the student； and Vautrin's cynical words began to ring in his ears。
〃Seat yourself there；〃 said the Baroness； pointing to a low chair beside the fire。 〃I have a difficult letter to write；〃 she added。 〃Tell me what to say。〃
〃Say nothing；〃 Eugene answered her。 〃Put the bills in an envelope； direct it； and send it by your maid。〃
〃Why； you are a love of a man；〃 she said。 〃Ah！ see what it is to have been well brought up。 That is the Beauseant through and through；〃 she went on； smiling at him。
〃She is charming；〃 thought Eugene； more and more in love。 He looked round him at the room； there was an ostentatious character about the luxury； a meretricious taste in the splendor。
〃Do you like it？〃 she asked； as she rang for the maid。
〃Therese； take this to M。 de Marsay； and give it into his hands yourself。 If he is not at home； bring the letter back to me。〃
Therese went； but not before she had given Eugene a spiteful glance。
Dinner was announced。 Rastignac gave his arm to Mme。 de Nucingen； she led the way into a pretty dining…room； and again he saw the luxury of the table which he had admired in his cousin's house。
〃Come and dine with me on opera evenings； and we will go to the Italiens afterwards；〃 she said。
〃I should soon grow used to the pleasant life if it could last； but I am a poor student； and I have my way to make。〃
〃Oh！ you will succeed；〃 she said laughing。 〃You will see。 All that you wish will come to pass。 _I_ did not expect to be so happy。〃
It is the wont of women to prove the impossible by the possible； and to annihilate facts by presentiments。 When Mme。 de Nucingen and Rastignac took their places in her box at the Bouffons； her face wore a look of happiness that made her so lovely that every one indulged in those small slanders against which women are defenceless； for the scandal that is uttered lightly is often seriously believed。 Those who know Paris； believe nothing that is said； and say nothing of what is done there。
Eugene took the Baroness' hand in his； and by some light pressure of the fingers； or a closer grasp of the hand； they found a language in which to express the sensations which the music gave them。 It was an evening of intoxicating delight for both； and when it ended； and they went out together； Mme。 de Nucingen insisted on taking Eugene with her as far as the Pont Neuf； he disputing with her the whole of the way for a single kiss after all those that she had showered upon him so passionately at the Palais…Royal； Eugene reproached her with inconsistency。
〃That was gratitude；〃 she said； 〃for devotion that I did not dare to hope for； but now it would be a promise。〃
〃And will you give me no promise； ingrate？〃
He grew vexed。 Then； with one of those impatient gestures that fill a lover with ecstasy； she gave him her hand to kiss； and he took it with a discontented air that delighted her。
〃I shall see you at the ball on Monday；〃 she said。
As Eugene went home in the moonlight； he fell to serious reflections。 He was satisfied； and yet dissatisfied。 He was pleased with an adventure which would probably give him his desire； for in the end one of the prettiest and best…dressed women in Paris would be his； but； as a set…off； he saw his hopes of fortune brought to nothing； and as soon as he realized this fact； the vague thoughts of yesterday evening began to take a more decided shape in his mind。 A check is sure to reveal to us the strength of our hopes。 The more Eugene learned of the pleasures of life in Paris； the more impatient he felt of poverty and obscurity。 He crumpled the banknote in his pocket； and found any quantity of plausible excuses for appropriating it。
He reached the Rue Neuve…Sainte…Genevieve at last； and from the stairhead he saw a light in Goriot's room； the old man had lighted a candle； and set the door ajar； lest the student should pass him by； and go to his room without 〃telling him all about his daughter；〃 to use his own expression。 Eugene； accordingly； told him everything without reserve。
〃Then they think that I am ruined！〃 cried Father Goriot； in an agony of jealousy and desperation。 〃Why； I have still thirteen hundred livres a year！ MON DIEU！ Poor little girl！ why did she not come to me？ I would have sold my rentes； she should have had some of the principal； and I would have bought a life…annuity with the rest。 My good neighbor； why did not YOU come to tell me of her difficulty？ How had you the heart to go and ri
