father goriot(高老头)-第39章

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sums　of　money　spent　with　him　are　so　modest；　that　he　is　the　most　independent　and　unmanageable　of　his　tribe；　and　it　is　almost　impossible　to　bring　him　to　terms。　The　young　man　in　the　balcony　of　a　theatre　who　displays　a　gorgeous　waistcoat　for　the　benefit　of　the　fair　owners　of　opera　glasses；　has　very　probably　no　socks　in　his　wardrobe；　for　the　hosier　is　another　of　the　genus　of　weevils　that　nibble　at　the　purse。　This　was　Rastignac's　condition。　His　purse　was　always　empty　for　Mme。　Vauquer；　always　full　at　the　demand　of　vanity；　there　was　a　periodical　ebb　and　flow　in　his　fortunes；　which　was　seldom　favorable　to　the　payment　of　just　debts。　If　he　was　to　leave　that　unsavory　and　mean　abode；　where　from　time　to　time　his　pretensions　met　with　humiliation；　the　first　step　was　to　pay　his　hostess　for　a　month's　board　and　lodging；　and　the　second　to　purchase　furniture　worthy　of　the　new　lodgings　he　must　take　in　his　quality　of　dandy；　a　course　that　remained　impossible。　Rastignac；　out　of　his　winnings　at　cards；　would　pay　his　jeweler　exorbitant　prices　for　gold　watches　and　chains；　and　then；　to　meet　the　exigencies　of　play；　would　carry　them　to　the　pawnbroker；　that　discreet　and　forbidding…　looking　friend　of　youth；　but　when　it　was　a　question　of　paying　for　board　or　lodging；　or　for　the　necessary　implements　for　the　cultivation　of　his　Elysian　fields；　his　imagination　and　pluck　alike　deserted　him。　There　was　no　inspiration　to　be　found　in　vulgar　necessity；　in　debts　contracted　for　past　requirements。　Like　most　of　those　who　trust　to　their　luck；　he　put　off　till　the　last　moment　the　payment　of　debts　that　among　the　bourgeoisie　are　regarded　as　sacred　engagements；　acting　on　the　plan　of　Mirabeau；　who　never　settled　his　baker's　bill　until　it　underwent　a　formidable　transformation　into　a　bill　of　exchange。

It　was　about　this　time　when　Rastignac　was　down　on　his　luck　and　fell　into　debt；　that　it　became　clear　to　the　law　student's　mind　that　he　must　have　some　more　certain　source　of　income　if　he　meant　to　live　as　he　had　been　doing。　But　while　he　groaned　over　the　thorny　problems　of　his　precarious　situation；　he　felt　that　he　could　not　bring　himself　to　renounce　the　pleasures　of　this　extravagant　life；　and　decided　that　he　must　continue　it　at　all　costs。　His　dreams　of　obtaining　a　fortune　appeared　more　and　more　chimerical；　and　the　real　obstacles　grew　more　formidable。　His　initiation　into　the　secrets　of　the　Nucingen　household　had　revealed　to　him　that　if　he　were　to　attempt　to　use　this　love　affair　as　a　means　of　mending　his　fortunes；　he　must　swallow　down　all　sense　of　decency；　and　renounce　all　the　generous　ideas　which　redeem　the　sins　of　youth。　He　had　chosen　this　life　of　apparent　splendor；　but　secretly　gnawed　by　the　canker　worm　of　remorse；　a　life　of　fleeting　pleasure　dearly　paid　for　by　persistent　pain；　like　Le　Distrait　of　La　Bruyere；　he　had　descended　so　far　as　to　make　his　bed　in　a　ditch；　but　（also　like　Le　Distrait）　he　himself　was　uncontaminated　as　yet　by　the　mire　that　stained　his　garments。

〃So　we　have　killed　our　mandarin；　have　we？〃　said　Bianchon　one　day　as　they　left　the　dinner　table。

〃Not　yet；〃　he　answered；　〃but　he　is　at　his　last　gasp。〃

The　medical　student　took　this　for　a　joke；　but　it　was　not　a　jest。　Eugene　had　dined　in　the　house　that　night　for　the　first　time　for　a　long　while；　and　had　looked　thoughtful　during　the　meal。　He　had　taken　his　place　beside　Mlle。　Taillefer；　and　stayed　through　the　dessert；　giving　his　neighbor　an　expressive　glance　from　time　to　time。　A　few　of　the　boarders　discussed　the　walnuts　at　the　table；　and　others　walked　about　the　room；　still　taking　part　in　the　conversation　which　had　begun　among　them。　People　usually　went　when　they　chose；　the　amount　of　time　that　they　lingered　being　determined　by　the　amount　of　interest　that　the　conversation　possessed　for　them；　or　by　the　difficulty　of　the　process　of　digestion。　In　winter…time　the　room　was　seldom　empty　before　eight　o'clock；　when　the　four　women　had　it　all　to　themselves；　and　made　up　for　the　silence　previously　imposed　upon　them　by　the　preponderating　masculine　element。　This　evening　Vautrin　had　noticed　Eugene's　abstractedness；　and　stayed　in　the　room；　though　he　had　seemed　to　be　in　a　hurry　to　finish　his　dinner　and　go。　All　through　the　talk　afterwards　he　had　kept　out　of　the　sight　of　the　law　student；　who　quite　believed　that　Vautrin　had　left　the　room。　He　now　took　up　his　position　cunningly　in　the　sitting…room　instead　of　going　when　the　last　boarders　went。　He　had　fathomed　the　young　man's　thoughts；　and　felt　that　a　crisis　was　at　hand。　Rastignac　was；　in　fact；　in　a　dilemma；　which　many　another　young　man　must　have　known。

Mme。　de　Nucingen　might　love　him；　or　might　merely　be　playing　with　him；　but　in　either　case　Rastignac　had　been　made　to　experience　all　the　alternations　of　hope　and　despair　of　genuine　passion；　and　all　the　diplomatic　arts　of　a　Parisienne　had　been　employed　on　him。　After　compromising　herself　by　continually　appearing　in　public　with　Mme。　de　Beauseant's　cousin　she　still　hesitated；　and　would　not　give　him　the　lover's　privileges　which　he　appeared　to　enjoy。　For　a　whole　month　she　had　so　wrought　on　his　senses；　that　at　last　she　had　made　an　impression　on　his　heart。　If　in　the　earliest　days　the　student　had　fancied　himself　to　be　master；　Mme。　de　Nucingen　had　since　become　the　stronger　of　the　two；　for　she　had　skilfully　roused　and　played　upon　every　instinct；　good　or　bad；　in　the　two　or　three　men　comprised　in　a　young　student　in　Paris。　This　was　not　the　result　of　deep　design　on　her　part；　nor　was　she　playing　a　part；　for　women　are　in　a　manner　true　to　themselves　even　through　their　grossest　deceit；　because　their　actions　are　prompted　by　a　natural　impulse。　It　may　have　been　that　Delphine；　who　had　allowed　this　young　man　to　gain　such　an　ascendency　over　her；　conscious　that　she　had　been　too　demonstrative；　was　obeying　a　sentiment　of　dignity；　and　either　repented　of　her　concessions；　or　it　pleased　her　to　suspend　them。　It　is　so　natural　to　a　Parisienne；　even　when　passion　has　almost　mastered　her；　to　hesitate　and　pause　before　taking　the　plunge；　to　probe　the　heart　of　him　to　whom　she　intrusts　her　future。　And　once　already　Mme。　de　Nucingen's　hopes　had　been　betrayed；　and　her　loyalty　to　a　selfish　young　lover　had　been　despised。　She　had　good　reason　to　be　suspicious。　Or　it　may　have　been　that　something　in　Eugene's　manner　（for　his　rapid　success　was　making　a　coxcomb　of　him）　had　warned　her　that　the　grotesque　nature　of　their　position　had　lowered　her　somewhat　in　his　eyes。　She　doubtless　wished　to　assert　her　dignity；　he　was　young；　and　she　would　be　great　in　his　eyes；　for　the　lover　who　had　forsaken　her　had　held　her　so　cheap　that　she　was　determined　that　Eugene　should　not　think　her　an　easy　conquest；　and　for　this　very　reasonhe　knew　that　de　Marsay　had　been　his　predecessor。　Finally；　after　the　degradation　of　submission　to　the　pleasure　of　a　heartless　young　rake；　it　was　so　sweet　to　her　to　wander　in　the　flower…strewn　realms　of　love；　that　it　was　not　wonderful　that　she　should　wish　to　dwell　a　while　on　the　prospect；　to　tremble　with　the　vibrations　of　love；　to　feel　the　freshness　of　the　breath　of　its　dawn。　The　true　lover　was　suffering　for　the　sins　of　the　false。　This　inconsistency　is　unfortunately　only　to　be　expected　so　long　as　men　do　not　know　how　many　flowers　are　mown　down　in　a　young　woman's　soul　by　the　first　stroke　of　treachery。

Whatever　her　reasons　may　have　been；　Delphine　was　playing　with　Rastignac；　and　took　pleasure　in　playing　with　him；　doubtless　because　she　felt　sure　of　his　love；　and　confident　that　she　could　put　an　end　to　the　torture　as　soon　as　it　was　her　royal　pleasure　to　do　so。　Eugene's　self…love　was　engaged；　he　could　not　suffer　his　first　passage　of　love　to　end　in　a　defeat；　and　persisted　in　his　suit　like　a　sportsman　determined　to　bring　down　at　least　one　partridge　to　celebrate　his　first　Feast　of　Saint…Hubert。　The　pressure　of　anxiety；　his　wounded　self…love；　his　despair；　real　or　feigned；　drew　him　nearer　and　nearer　to　this　woman。　All　Paris　credited　him　with　this　conquest；　and　yet　he　was　conscious　that　he　had　made　no　progress　since　the　day　when　he　saw　Mme。　de　Nucingen　for　the　first　time。　He　did　not　know　as　yet　that　a　woman's　coquetry　is　sometimes　more　delightful　than　the　pleasure　of　secure　possession　of　her　love；　and　was　possessed　with　helpless　rage。　If；　at　this　time；　while　she　denied　herself　to　love；　Eugene　gathered　the　springtide　spoi