all roads lead to calvary-第18章

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　improve　her　wind。　　Joan　watched　her　spreading　the　butter　a　quarter　of　an　inch　thick　upon　her　toast　and　restrained　with　difficulty　the　impulse　to　take　it　away　from　her。　　And　her　clothes！　　Joan　had　seen　guys　carried　through　the　streets　on　the　fifth　of　November　that　were　less　obtrusive。

She　remembered；　as　she　was　taking　her　leave；　what　she　had　come　for：　which　was　to　invite　Joan　to　dinner　on　the　following　Friday。

〃It's　just　a　homely　affair；〃　she　explained。　　She　had　recovered　her　form　and　was　now　quite　the　lady　again。　　〃Two　other　guests　beside　yourself：　　a　Mr。　AirlieI　am　sure　you　will　like　him。　　He's　so　dilletantyand　Mr。　McKean。　　He's　the　young　man　upstairs。　　Have　you　met　him？〃

Joan　hadn't：　　except　once　on　the　stairs　when；　to　avoid　having　to　pass　her；　he　had　gone　down　again　and　out　into　the　street。　　From　the　doorstep　she　had　caught　sight　of　his　disappearing　coat…tails　round　the　corner。　　Yielding　to　impishness；　she　had　run　after　him；　and　his　expression　of　blank　horror　when；　glancing　over　his　shoulder；　he　found　her　walking　abstractedly　three　yards　behind　him；　had　gladdened　all　her　evening。

Joan　recounted　the　episodeso　far　as　the　doorstep。

〃He　tried　to　be　shy　with　me；〃　said　Mrs。　Phillips；　〃but　I　wouldn't　let　him。　　I　chipped　him　out　of　it。　　If　he's　going　to　write　plays；　as　I　told　him；　he　will　have　to　get　over　his　fear　of　a　petticoat。〃

She　offered　her　cheek；　and　Joan　kissed　it；　somewhat　gingerly。

〃You　won't　mind　Robert　not　wearing　evening　dress；〃　she　said。　　〃He　never　will　if　he　can　help　it。　　I　shall　just　slip　on　a　semi…toilette　myself。〃

Joan　had　difficulty　in　deciding　on　her　own　frock。　　Her　four　evening　dresses；　as　she　walked　round　them；　spread　out　upon　the　bed；　all　looked　too　imposing；　for　what　Mrs。　Phillips　had　warned　her　would　be　a　〃homely　affair。〃　　She　had　one　other；　a　greyish…fawn；　with　sleeves　to　the　elbow；　that　she　had　had　made　expressly　for　public　dinners　and　political　At　Homes。　　But　that　would　be　going　to　the　opposite　extreme；　and　might　seem　discourteousto　her　hostess。　　Besides；　〃mousey〃　colours　didn't　really　suit　her。　　They　gave　her　a　curious　sense　of　being　affected。　　In　the　end　she　decided　to　risk　a　black　crepe…de…chine；　square　cut；　with　a　girdle　of　gold　embroidery。　There　couldn't　be　anything　quieter　than　black；　and　the　gold　embroidery　was　of　the　simplest。　　She　would　wear　it　without　any　jewellery　whatever：　　except　just　a　star　in　her　hair。　　The　result；　as　she　viewed　the　effect　in　the　long　glass；　quite　satisfied　her。　Perhaps　the　jewelled　star　did　scintillate　rather。　　It　had　belonged　to　her　mother。　　But　her　hair　was　so　full　of　shadows：　　it　wanted　something　to　relieve　it。　　Also　she　approved　the　curved　line　of　her　bare　arms。　　It　was　certainly　very　beautiful；　a　woman's　arm。　　She　took　her　gloves　in　her　hand　and　went　down。

Mr。　Phillips　was　not　yet　in　the　room。　　Mrs。　Phillips；　in　apple…　green　with　an　ostrich　feather　in　her　hair；　greeted　her　effusively；　and　introduced　her　to　her　fellow　guests。　　Mr。　Airlie　was　a　slight；　elegant　gentleman　of　uncertain　age；　with　sandy　hair　and　beard　cut　Vandyke　fashion。　　He　asked　Joan's　permission　to　continue　his　cigarette。

〃You　have　chosen　the　better　part；〃　he　informed　her；　on　her　granting　it。　　〃When　I'm　not　smoking；　I'm　talking。〃

Mr。　McKean　shook　her　hand　vigorously　without　looking　at　her。

〃And　this　is　Hilda；〃　concluded　Mrs。　Phillips。　　〃She　ought　to　be　in　bed　if　she　hadn't　a　naughty　Daddy　who　spoils　her。〃

A　lank；　black…haired　girl；　with　a　pair　of　burning　eyes　looking　out　of　a　face　that；　but　for　the　thin　line　of　the　lips；　would　have　been　absolutely　colourless；　rose　suddenly　from　behind　a　bowl　of　artificial　flowers。　　Joan　could　not　suppress　a　slight　start；　she　had　not　noticed　her　on　entering。　　The　girl　came　slowly　forward；　and　Joan　felt　as　if　the　uncanny　eyes　were　eating　her　up。　　She　made　an　effort　and　held　out　her　hand　with　a　smile；　and　the　girl's　long　thin　fingers　closed　on　it　in　a　pressure　that　hurt。　　She　did　not　speak。

〃She　only　came　back　yesterday　for　the　half…term；〃　explained　Mrs。　Phillips。　　〃There's　no　keeping　her　away　from　her　books。　　'Twas　her　own　wish　to　be　sent　to　boarding…school。　　How　would　you　like　to　go　to　Girton　and　be　a　B。A。　like　Miss　Allway？〃　she　asked；　turning　to　the　child。

Phillips's　entrance　saved　the　need　of　a　reply。　　To　the　evident　surprise　of　his　wife　he　was　in　evening　clothes。

〃Hulloa。　　You've　got　'em　on；〃　she　said。

He　laughed。　　〃I　shall　have　to　get　used　to　them　sooner　or　later；〃　he　said。

Joan　felt　relievedshe　hardly　knew　whythat　he　bore　the　test。　　It　was　a　well…built；　athletic　frame；　and　he　had　gone　to　a　good　tailor。　He　looked　taller　in　them；　and　the　strong；　clean…shaven　face　less　rugged。

Joan　sat　next　to　him　at　the　round　dinner…table　with　the　child　the　other　side　of　him。　　She　noticed　that　he　ate　as　far　as　possible　with　his　right　handhis　hands　were　large；　but　smooth　and　well　shaped　his　left　remaining　under　the　cloth；　beneath　which　the　child's　right　hand；　when　free；　would　likewise　disappear。　　For　a　while　the　conversation　consisted　chiefly　of　anecdotes　by　Mr。　Airlie。　　There　were　few　public　men　and　women　about　whom　he　did　not　know　something　to　their　disadvantage。　　Joan；　listening；　found　herself　repeating　the　experience　of　a　night　or　two　previous；　when；　during　a　performance　of　Hamlet；　Niel　Singleton；　who　was　playing　the　grave…　digger；　had　taken　her　behind　the　scenes。　　Hamlet；　the　King　of　Denmark　and　the　Ghost　were　sharing　a　bottle　of　champagne　in　the　Ghost's　dressing…room：　　it　happened　to　be　the　Ghost's　birthday。　　On　her　return　to　the　front　of　the　house；　her　interest　in　the　play　was　gone。　　It　was　absurd　that　it　should　be　so；　but　the　fact　remained。

Mr。　Airlie　had　lunched　the　day　before　with　a　leonine　old　gentleman　who　every　Sunday　morning　thundered　forth　Social　Democracy　to　enthusiastic　multitudes　on　Tower　Hill。　　Joan　had　once　listened　to　him　and　had　almost　been　converted：　　he　was　so　tremendously　in　earnest。　　She　now　learnt　that　he　lived　in　Curzon　Street；　Mayfair；　and　filled；　in　private　life；　the　perfectly　legitimate　calling　of　a　company　promoter　in　partnership　with　a　Dutch　Jew。　　His　latest　prospectus　dwelt　upon　the　profits　to　be　derived　from　an　amalgamation　of　the　leading　tanning　industries：　　by　means　of　which　the　price　of　leather　could　be　enormously　increased。

It　was　utterly　illogical；　but　her　interest　in　the　principles　of　Social　Democracy　was　gone。

A　very　little　while　ago；　Mr。　Airlie；　in　his　capacity　of　second　cousin　to　one　of　the　ladies　concerned；　a　charming　girl　but　impulsive；　had　been　called　upon　to　attend　a　family　council　of　a　painful　nature。　　The　gentleman's　name　took　Joan's　breath　away：　　it　was　the　name　of　one　of　her　heroes；　an　eminent　writer：　　one　might　almost　say　prophet。　　She　had　hitherto　read　his　books　with　grateful　reverence。　　They　pictured　for　her　the　world　made　perfect；　and　explained　to　her　just　precisely　how　it　was　to　be　accomplished。　But；　as　far　as　his　own　particular　corner　of　it　was　concerned；　he　seemed　to　have　made　a　sad　mess　of　it。　　Human　nature　of　quite　an　old…fashioned　pattern　had　crept　in　and　spoilt　all　his　own　theories。

Of　course　it　was　unreasonable。　　The　sign…post　may　remain　embedded　in　weeds：　　it　notwithstanding　points　the　way　to　the　fair　city。　　She　told　herself　this；　but　it　left　her　still　short…tempered。　　She　didn't　care　which　way　it　pointed。　　She　didn't　believe　there　was　any　fair　city。

There　was　a　famous　preacher。　　He　lived　the　simple　life　in　a　small　house　in　Battersea；　and　consecrated　all　his　energies　to　the　service　of　the　poor。　　Almost；　by　his　unselfish　zeal；　he　had　persuaded　Joan　of　the　usefulness　of　the　church。　　Mr。　Airlie　frequently　visited　him。　　They　interested　one　another。　　What　struck　Mr。　Airlie　most　was　the　self…sacrificing　devotion　with　which　the　reverend　gentleman's　wife　and　family　surrounded　him。　　It　was　beautiful　to　see。　　The　calls　upon　his　moderate　purse；　necessitated　by　his　wide…spread　and　much　paragraphed　activities；　left　but　a　narrow　margin　for　domestic　expenses：　　with　the　result　that　often　the　only　fire　in　the　house　blazed　brightly　in　the　study　where　Mr。　Airlie　and　the　reverend　gentleman　sat　talking：　　while　mother　and　children　warmed　themselves　with　sense　of　duty　in　the　cheerless　kitchen。　　And　often；　as　Mr。　Airlie；　who　was　of　an　inquiring　turn　of　mind；　had　convinced　himself；