all roads lead to calvary-第39章

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an　Allway；　formerly　one　of　our　contributors。'　　Is　that　going　to　end　his　political　career？〃　retorted　Joan　with　fine　sarcasm。

Flossie　fixed　a　relentless　eye　upon　her。　　〃He'll　wait　till　the　bird　has　got　a　bit　more　than　that　to　whisper　to　him；〃　she　suggested。

〃There'll　be　nothing　more；〃　explained　Joan。　　〃So　long　as　my　friendship　is　of　any　assistance　to　Robert　Phillips　in　his　work；　he's　going　to　have　it。　　What　use　are　we　going　to　be　in　politics　what's　all　the　fuss　about；　if　men　and　women　mustn't　work　together　for　their　common　aims　and　help　one　another？〃

〃Why　can't　you　help　him　in　his　own　house；　instead　of　wandering　all　about　the　country？〃　Flossie　wanted　to　know。

〃So　I　do；〃　Joan　defended　herself。　　〃I'm　in　and　out　there　till　I'm　sick　of　the　hideous　place。　　You　haven't　seen　the　inside。　　And　his　wife　knows　all　about　it；　and　is　only　too　glad。〃

〃Does　she　know　about　Richmond　Parkand　the　other　places？〃　asked　Flossie。

〃She　wouldn't　mind　if　she　did；〃　explained　Joan。　　〃And　you　know　what　she's　like！　　How　can　one　think　what　one's　saying　with　that　silly；　goggle…eyed　face　in　front　of　one　always。〃

Flossie；　since　she　had　become　engaged；　had　acquired　quite　a　matronly　train　of　thought。　　She　spoke　kindly；　with　a　little　grave　shake　of　her　head。　　〃My　dear；〃　she　said；　〃the　wife　is　always　in　the　way。　　You'd　feel　just　the　same　whatever　her　face　was　like。〃

Joan　grew　angry。　　〃If　you　choose　to　suspect　evil；　of　course　you　can；〃　she　answered　with　hauteur。　　〃But　you　might　have　known　me　better。　　I　admire　the　man　and　sympathize　with　him。　　All　the　things　I　dream　of　are　the　things　he　is　working　for。　　I　can　do　more　good　by　helping　and　inspiring　him〃she　wished　she　had　not　let　slip　that　word　〃inspire。〃　　She　knew　that　Flossie　would　fasten　upon　it〃than　I　can　ever　accomplish　by　myself。　　And　I　mean　to　do　it。〃　　She　really　did　feel　defiant；　now。

〃I　know；　dear；〃　agreed　Flossie；　〃you've　both　of　you　made　up　your　minds　it　shall　always　remain　a　beautiful　union　of　twin　spirits。　Unfortunately　you've　both　got　bodiesrather　attractive　bodies。〃

〃We'll　keep　it　off　that　plane；　if　you　don't　mind；〃　answered　Joan　with　a　touch　of　severity。

〃I'm　willing　enough；〃　answered　Flossie。　　〃But　what　about　Old　Mother　Nature？　　She's　going　to　be　in　this；　you　know。〃

〃Take　off　your　glasses；　and　look　at　it　straight；〃　she　went　on；　without　giving　Joan　time　to　reply。　　〃What　is　it　in　us　that　'inspires'　men？　　If　it's　only　advice　and　sympathy　he's　after；　what's　wrong　with　dear　old　Mrs。　Denton？　　She's　a　good　walker；　except　now　and　then；　when　she's　got　the　lumbago。　　Why　doesn't　he　get　her　to　'inspire'　him？〃

〃It　isn't　only　that；〃　explained　Joan。　　〃I　give　him　courage。　　I　always　did　have　more　of　that　than　is　any　use　to　a　woman。　　He　wants　to　be　worthy　of　my　belief　in　him。　　What　is　the　harm　if　he　does　admire　meif　a　smile　from　me　or　a　touch　of　the　hand　can　urge　him　to　fresh　effort？　　Suppose　he　does　love　me〃

Flossie　interrupted。　　〃How　about　being　quite　frank？〃　she　suggested。　〃Suppose　we　do　love　one　another。　　How　about　putting　it　that　way？〃

〃And　suppose　we　do？〃　agreed　Joan；　her　courage　rising。　　〃Why　should　we　shun　one　another；　as　if　we　were　both　of　us　incapable　of　decency　or　self…control？　　Why　must　love　be　always　assumed　to　make　us　weak　and　contemptible；　as　if　it　were　some　subtle　poison？　　Why　shouldn't　it　strengthen　and　ennoble　us？〃

〃Why　did　the　apple　fall？〃　answered　Flossie。　　〃Why；　when　it　escapes　from　its　bonds；　doesn't　it　soar　upward？　　If　it　wasn't　for　the　irritating　law　of　gravity；　we　could　skip　about　on　the　brink　of　precipices　without　danger。　　Things　being　what　they　are；　sensible　people　keep　as　far　away　from　the　edge　as　possible。〃

〃I'm　sorry；〃　she　continued；　〃awfully　sorry；　old　girl。　　It's　a　bit　of　rotten　bad　luck　for　both　of　you。　　You　were　just　made　for　one　another。　　And　Fate；　knowing　what　was　coming；　bustles　round　and　gets　hold　of　poor；　silly　Mrs。　Phillips　so　as　to　be　able　to　say　'Yah。'〃

〃Unless　it　all　comes　right　in　the　end；〃　she　added　musingly；　〃and　the　poor　old　soul　pegs　out。　　I　wouldn't　give　much　for　her　liver。〃

〃That's　not　bringing　me　up　well；〃　suggested　Joan：　　〃putting　those　ideas　into　my　head。〃

〃Oh；　well；　one　can't　help　one's　thoughts；〃　explained　Flossie。　　〃It　would　be　a　blessing　all　round。〃

They　had　risen。　　Joan　folded　her　hands。　　〃Thank　you　for　your　scolding；　ma'am；〃　she　said。　　〃Shall　I　write　out　a　hundred　lines　of　Greek？　　Or　do　you　think　it　will　be　sufficient　if　I　promise　never　to　do　it　again？〃

〃You　mean　it？〃　said　Flossie。　　〃Of　course　you　will　go　on　seeing　him…　…visiting　them；　and　all　that。　　But　you　won't　go　gadding　about；　so　that　people　can　talk？〃

〃Only　through　the　bars；　in　future；〃　she　promised。　　〃With　the　gaoler　between　us。〃　　She　put　her　arms　round　Flossie　and　bent　her　head；　so　that　her　face　was　hidden。

Flossie　still　seemed　troubled。　　She　held　on　to　Joan。

〃You　are　sure　of　yourself？〃　she　asked。　　〃We're　only　the　female　of　the　species。　　We　get　hungry　and　thirsty；　too。　　You　know　that；　kiddy；　don't　you？〃

Joan　laughed　without　raising　her　face。　　〃Yes；　ma'am；　I　know　that；〃　she　answered。　　〃I'll　be　good。〃

She　sat　in　the　dusk　after　Flossie　had　gone；　and　the　laboured　breathing　of　the　tired　city　came　to　her　through　the　open　window。　She　had　rather　fancied　that　martyr's　crown。　　It　had　not　looked　so　very　heavy；　the　thorns　not　so　very　alarmingas　seen　through　the　window。　　She　would　wear　it　bravely。　　It　would　rather　become　her。

Facing　the　mirror　of　the　days　to　come；　she　tried　it　on。　　It　was　going　to　hurt。　　There　was　no　doubt　of　that。　　She　saw　the　fatuous；　approving　face　of　the　eternal　Mrs。　Phillips；　thrust　ever　between　them；　against　the　background　of　that　hideous　furniture；　of　those　bilious　wall　papersthe　loneliness　that　would　ever　walk　with　her；　sit　down　beside　her　in　the　crowded　restaurant；　steal　up　the　staircase　with　her；　creep　step　by　step　with　her　from　room　to　room　the　ever　unsatisfied　yearning　for　a　tender　word；　a　kindly　touch。　Yes；　it　was　going　to　hurt。

Poor　Robert！　　It　would　be　hard　on　him；　too。　　She　could　not　help　feeling　consolation　in　the　thought　that　he　also　would　be　wearing　that　invisible　crown。

She　must　write　to　him。　　The　sooner　it　was　done；　the　better。　　Half　a　dozen　contradictory　moods　passed　over　her　during　the　composing　of　that　letter；　but　to　her　they　seemed　but　the　unfolding　of　a　single　thought。　　On　one　page　it　might　have　been　his　mother　writing　to　him；　an　experienced；　sagacious　lady；　quite　aware；　in　spite　of　her　affection　for　him；　of　his　faults　and　weaknesses；　solicitous　that　he　should　avoid　the　dangers　of　an　embarrassing　entanglement；　his　happiness　being　the　only　consideration　of　importance。　　On　others　it　might　have　been　a　queen　laying　her　immutable　commands　upon　some　loyal　subject；　sworn　to　her　service。　　Part　of　it　might　have　been　written　by　a　laughing　philosopher　who　had　learnt　the　folly　of　taking　life　too　seriously；　knowing　that　all　things　pass：　　that　the　tears　of　to…day　will　be　remembered　with　a　smile。　　And　a　part　of　it　was　the　unconsidered　language　of　a　loving　woman。　　And　those　were　the　pages　that　he　kissed。

His　letter　in　answer　was　much　shorter。　　Of　course　he　would　obey　her　wishes。　　He　had　been　selfish；　thinking　only　of　himself。　　As　for　his　political　career；　he　did　not　see　how　that　was　going　to　suffer　by　his　being　occasionally　seen　in　company　with　one　of　the　most　brilliantly　intellectual　women　in　London；　known　to　share　his　views。　And　he　didn't　care　if　it　did。　　But　inasmuch　as　she　valued　it；　all　things　should　be　sacrificed　to　it。　　It　was　hers　to　do　what　she　would　with。　　It　was　the　only　thing　he　had　to　offer　her。

Their　meetings　became　confined；　as　before；　to　the　little　house　in　North　Street。　　But　it　really　seemed　as　if　the　gods；　appeased　by　their　submission；　had　decided　to　be　kind。　　Hilda　was　home　for　the　holidays；　and　her　piercing　eyes　took　in　the　situation　at　a　flash。　She　appeared　to　have　returned　with　a　new…born　and　exacting　affection　for　her　mother；　that　astonished　almost　as　much　as　it　delighted　the　poor　lady。　　Feeling　sudden　desire　for　a　walk　or　a　bus　ride；　or　to　be　taken　to　an　entertainment；　no　one　was　of　any　use　to　Hilda　but　her　mother。　　Daddy　had　his　silly　politics　to　think　and　talk　about。　　He　must　worry　them　out　alone；　or　with　the　assistance　of　Miss　Allway。　　That　was　what　she　was　there　for。　　Mrs。　Philli