all roads lead to calvary-第53章

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and　establish　the　brotherhood　of　nations；　the　work　you　are　doing　is　of　more　importance　than　even　the　killing　of　Germans。　　It　isn't　as　if　there　wouldn't　be　enough　without　you。〃

〃To　tell　the　truth；〃　he　answered；　〃that's　exactly　what　I've　been　saying　to　myself。　　I　shan't　be　any　good。　　I　don't　see　myself　sticking　a　bayonet　into　even　a　German。　　Unless　he　happened　to　be　abnormally　clumsy。　　I　tried　to　shoot　a　rabbit　once。　　I　might　have　done　it　if　the　little　beggar；　instead　of　running　away；　hadn't　turned　and　looked　at　me。〃

〃I　should　keep　out　of　it　if　I　were　you；〃　laughed　Joan。

〃I　can't；〃　he　answered。　　〃I'm　too　great　a　coward。〃

〃An　odd　reason　for　enlisting；〃　thought　Joan。

〃I　couldn't　face　it；〃　he　went　on；　〃the　way　people　would　be　looking　at　me　in　trains　and　omnibuses；　the　things　people　would　say　of　me；　the　things　I　should　imagine　they　were　saying；　what　my　valet　would　be　thinking　of　me。　　Oh；　I'm　ashamed　enough　of　myself。　　It's　the　artistic　temperament；　I　suppose。　　We　must　always　be　admired；　praised。　　We're　not　the　stuff　that　martyrs　are　made　of。　　We　must　for　ever　be　kow…towing　to　the　cackling　geese　around　us。　　We're　so　terrified　lest　they　should　hiss　us。〃

The　street　was　empty。　　They　were　pacing　it　slowly；　up　and　down。

〃I've　always　been　a　coward；〃　he　continued。　　〃I　fell　in　love　with　you　the　first　day　I　met　you　on　the　stairs。　　But　I　dared　not　tell　you。〃

〃You　didn't　give　me　that　impression；〃　answered　Joan。

She　had　always　found　it　difficult　to　know　when　to　take　him　seriously　and　when　not。

〃I　was　so　afraid　you　would　find　it　out；〃　he　explained。

〃You　thought　I　would　take　advantage　of　it；〃　she　suggested。

〃One　can　never　be　sure　of　a　woman；〃　he　answered。　　〃And　it　would　have　been　so　difficult。　　There　was　a　girl　down　in　Scotland；　one　of　the　village　girls。　　It　wasn't　anything　really。　　We　had　just　been　children　together。　　But　they　all　thought　I　had　gone　away　to　make　my　fortune　so　as　to　come　back　and　marry　hereven　my　mother。　　It　would　have　looked　so　mean　if　after　getting　on　I　had　married　a　fine　London　lady。　　I　could　never　have　gone　home　again。〃

〃But　you　haven't　married　heror　have　you？〃　asked　Joan。

〃No；〃　he　answered。　　〃She　wrote　me　a　beautiful　letter　that　I　shall　always　keep；　begging　me　to　forgive　her；　and　hoping　I　might　be　happy。　　She　had　married　a　young　farmer；　and　was　going　out　to　Canada。　　My　mother　will　never　allow　her　name　to　be　mentioned　in　our　house。〃

They　had　reached　the　end　of　the　street　again。　　Joan　held　out　her　hand　with　a　laugh。

〃Thanks　for　the　compliment；〃　she　said。　　〃Though　I　notice　you　wait　till　you're　going　away　before　telling　me。〃

〃But　quite　seriously；〃　she　added；　〃give　it　a　little　more　thought　the　enlisting；　I　mean。　　The　world　isn't　too　rich　in　kind　influences。　　It　needs　men　like　you。　　Come；　pull　yourself　together　and　show　a　little　pluck。〃　　She　laughed。

〃I'll　try；〃　he　promised；　〃but　it　won't　be　any　use；　I　shall　drift　about　the　streets；　seeking　to　put　heart　into　myself；　but　all　the　while　my　footsteps　will　be　bearing　me　nearer　and　nearer　to　the　recruiting　office；　and　outside　the　door　some　girl　in　the　crowd　will　smile　approval　or　some　old　fool　will　pat　me　on　the　shoulder　and　I　shall　sneak　in　and　it　will　close　behind　me。　　It　must　be　fine　to　have　courage。〃

He　wrote　her　two　days　later　from　Ayr；　giving　her　the　name　of　his　regiment；　and　again　some　six　months　later　from　Flanders。　　But　there　would　have　been　no　sense　in　her　replying　to　that　last。

She　lingered　in　the　street　by　herself；　a　little　time；　after　he　had　turned　the　corner。　　It　had　been　a　house　of　sorrow　and　disappointment　to　her；　but　so　also　she　had　dreamed　her　dreams　there；　seen　her　visions。　　She　had　never　made　much　headway　with　her　landlord　and　her　landlady：　　a　worthy　couple；　who　had　proved　most　excellent　servants；　but　who　prided　themselves；　to　use　their　own　expression；　on　knowing　their　place　and　keeping　themselves　to　themselves。　　Joan　had　given　them　notice　that　morning；　and　had　been　surprised　at　the　woman's　bursting　into　tears。

〃I　felt　it　just　the　same　when　young　Mr。　McKean　left　us；〃　she　explained　with　apologies。　　〃He　had　been　with　us　five　years。　　He　was　like　you；　miss；　so　unpracticable。　　I'd　got　used　to　looking　after　him。〃

Mary　Greyson　called　on　her　in　the　morning；　while　she　was　still　at　breakfast。　　She　had　come　from　seeing　Francis　off　by　an　early　train　from　Euston。　　He　had　sent　Joan　a　ring。

〃He　is　so　afraid　you　may　not　be　able　to　wear　itthat　it　will　not　fit　you；〃　said　Mary；　〃but　I　told　him　I　was　sure　it　would。〃

Joan　held　our　her　hand　for　the　letter。　　〃I　was　afraid　he　had　forgotten　it；〃　she　answered；　with　a　smile。

She　placed　the　ring　on　her　finger　and　held　out　her　hand。　　〃I　might　have　been　measured　for　it；〃　she　said。　　〃I　wonder　how　he　knew。〃

〃You　left　a　glove　behind　you；　the　first　day　you　ever　came　to　our　house；〃　Mary　explained。　　〃And　I　kept　it。〃

She　was　following　his　wishes　and　going　down　into　the　country。　　They　did　not　meet　again　until　after　the　war。

Madge　dropped　in　on　her　during　the　week　and　brought　Flossie　with　her。　　Flossie's　husband；　Sam；　had　departed　for　the　Navy；　and　Niel　Singleton；　who　had　offered　and　been　rejected　for　the　Army；　had　joined　a　Red　Cross　unit。　　Madge　herself　was　taking　up　canteen　work。　Joan　rather　expected　Flossie　to　be　in　favour　of　the　war；　and　Madge　against　it。　　Instead　of　which；　it　turned　out　the　other　way　round。　It　seemed　difficult　to　forecast　opinion　in　this　matter。

Madge　thought　that　England；　in　particular；　had　been　too　much　given　up　to　luxury　and　pleasure。　　There　had　been　too　much　idleness　and　empty　laughter：　　Hitchicoo　dances　and　women　undressing　themselves　upon　the　stage。　　Even　the　working　classes　seemed　to　think　of　nothing　else　but　cinemas　and　beer。　　She　dreamed　of　a　United　Kingdom　purified　by　suffering；　cleansed　by　tears；　its　people　drawn　together　by　memory　of　common　sacrifice；　class　antagonism　buried　in　the　grave　where　Duke's　son　and　cook's　son　would　lie　side　by　side：　　of　a　new…　born　Europe　rising　from　the　ashes　of　the　old。　　With　Germany　beaten；　her　lust　of　war　burnt　out；　her　hideous　doctrine　of　Force　proved　to　be　false；　the　world　would　breathe　a　freer　air。　　Passion　and　hatred　would　fall　from　man's　eyes。　　The　people　would　see　one　another　and　join　hands。

Flossie　was　sceptical。　　〃Why　hasn't　it　done　it　before？〃　she　wanted　to　know。　　〃Good　Lord！　　There's　been　enough　of　it。〃

〃Why　didn't　we　all　kiss　and　be　friends　after　the　Napoleonic　wars？〃　she　demanded；　〃instead　of　getting　up　Peterloo　massacres；　and　anti…　Corn　Law　riots；　and　breaking　the　Duke　of　Wellington's　windows？〃

〃All　this　talk　of　downing　Militarism；〃　she　continued。　　〃It's　like　trying　to　do　away　with　the　other　sort　of　disorderly　house。　　You　don't　stamp　out　a　vice　by　chivying　it　round　the　corner。　　When　men　and　women　have　become　decent　there　will　be　no　more　disorderly　houses。　　But　it　won't　come　before。　　Suppose　we　do　knock　Militarism　out　of　Germany；　like　we　did　out　of　France；　not　so　very　long　ago？　It　will　only　slip　round　the　corner　into　Russia　or　Japan。　　Come　and　settle　over　here；　as　likely　as　not；　especially　if　we　have　a　few　victories　and　get　to　fancy　ourselves。〃

Madge　was　of　opinion　that　the　world　would　have　had　enough　of　war。　Not　armies　but　whole　peoples　would　be　involved　this　time。　　The　lesson　would　be　driven　home。

〃Oh；　yes；　we　shall　have　had　enough　of　it；〃　agreed　Flossie；　〃by　the　time　we've　paid　up。　　There's　no　doubt　of　that。　　What　about　our　children？　　I've　just　left　young　Frank　strutting　all　over　the　house　and　flourishing　a　paper　knife。　　And　the　servants　have　had　to　bar　the　kitchen　door　to　prevent　his　bursting　in　every　five　minutes　and　attacking　them。　　What's　he　going　to　say　when　I　tell　him；　later　on；　that　his　father　and　myself　have　had　all　the　war　we　want；　and　have　decided　there　shall　be　no　more？　　The　old　folks　have　had　their　fun。　Why　shouldn't　I　have　mine？　　That　will　be　his　argument。〃

〃You　can't　do　it；〃　she　concluded；　〃unless　you　are　prepared　to　keep　half　the　world's　literature　away　from　the　children；　scrap　half　your　music；　edit　your　museums　and　your　picture　galleries；　bowdlerize　your　Old　Testament　and　rewrite　your　histories。　　And　then　you'll　have　to　be　careful　for　twenty…four　hours　a　day　that　they　never　see　a　dog…fight。〃

Madge　still　held　to　her　hope。　　God　would　make　a　wind　of　reason　to　pass　ov