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BOEOTIAN
What� �you declare war against birds��
NICARCHUS
And I am going to denounce you too。
BOEOTIAN
What harm have I done you��
NICARCHUS
I will say it for the benefit of those that listen�察�you
introduce lampwicks from an enemy's country。
DICAEOPOLIS
Then you even denounce a wick。
NICARCHUS
It needs but one to set an arsenal afire。
DICAEOPOLIS
A wick set an arsenal ablaze� �But how�察�great gods��
NICARCHUS
Should a Boeotian attach it to an insect's wing�察�and�察�taking
advantage of a violent north wind�察�throw it by means of a tube into
the arsenal and the fire once get hold of the vessels�察�everything
would soon be devoured by the flames。
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah� �wretch� �an insect and a wick devour everything��
��He strikes him。��
NICARCHUS ��to the CHORUS��
You will bear witness�察�that he mishandles me。
DICAEOPOLIS ��to the BOEOTIAN��
Shut his mouth。 Give me some hay�察�I am going to pack him up like a
vase�察�that he may not get broken on the road。
��The INFORMER is bound and gagged and packed in hay。��
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Pack up your goods carefully�察�friend�察�that the stranger may not
break it when taking it away。
DICAEOPOLIS
I shall take great care with it。 ��He hits the INFORMER on the head
and a stifled cry is heard。�� One would say he is cracked already�察�he
rings with a false note�察�which the gods abhor。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But what will be done with him��
DICAEOPOLIS
This is a vase good for all purposes�察�it will be used as a
vessel for holding all foul things�察�a mortar for pounding together
law´suits�察�a lamp for spying upon accounts�察�and as a cup for the
mixing up and poisoning of everything。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
None could ever trust a vessel for domestic use that has such a
ring about it。
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh� �it is strong�察�my friend�察�and will never get broken�察�if care is
taken to hang it head downwards。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS ��to the BOEOTIAN��
There� �it is well packed now��
BOEOTIAN
Well then�察�I will proceed to carry off my bundle。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Farewell�察�worthiest of strangers�察�take this informer�察�good for
anything�察�and fling him where you like。
DICAEOPOLIS
Bah� �this rogue has given me enough trouble to pack� �Here��
Boeotian�察�pick up your pottery。
BOEOTIAN
Stoop�察�Ismenias�察�that I may put it on your shoulder�察�and be very
careful with it。
DICAEOPOLIS
You carry nothing worth having�察�however�察�take it�察�for you will
profit by your bargain�察�the informers will bring you luck。
��The BOEOTIAN and his slave depart�察�DICAEOPOLIS goes into his house��
a slave comes out of LAMACHUS' house。��
SLAVE
Dicaeopolis��
DICAEOPOLIS ��from within��
What's the matter�拭�Why are you calling me��
SLAVE
Lamachus wants to keep the Feast of Cups�察�and I come by his
order to bid you one drachma for some thrushes and three more for a
Copaic eel。
DICAEOPOLIS ��coming out��
And who is this Lamachus�察�who demands an eel��
SLAVE ��in tragic style��
He is the terrible�察�indefatigable Lamachus�察�who is always
brandishing his fearful Gorgon's head and the three plumes which
o'ershadow his helmet。
DICAEOPOLIS
No�察�no�察�he will get nothing�察�even though he gave me his buckler。
Let him eat salt fish while he shakes his plumes�察�and�察�if he comes
here making any din�察�I shall call the inspectors。 As for myself�察�I
shall take away all these goods�察。�in tragic style�� I go home on
thrushes' wings and black´birds' pinions。 ��He goes into his house。��
FIRST SEMI´CHORUS ��singing��
You see�察�citizens�察�you see the good fortune which this man owes to
his prudence�察�to his profound wisdom。 You see how�察�since he has
concluded peace�察�he buys what is useful in the household and good to
eat hot。 All good things flow towards him unsought。 Never will welcome
the god of war in my house�察�never shall he sing the ;Harmodius; at
my table�察�he is a sot�察�who comes feasting with those who are
overflowing with good things and brings all manner of mischief in
his train。 He overthrows�察�ruins�察�rips open�察�it is vain to make him a
thousand offers�察�to say ;be seated�察�pray�察�and drink this cup�察�profered
in all friendship;�察�he burns our vine´stocks and brutally spills on
the ground the wine from our vineyards。
SECOND SEMI´CHORUS ��singing��
This man�察�on the other hand�察�covers his table with a thousand
dishes�察�proud of his good fortunes�察�he has had these feathers cast
before his door to show us how he lives。 ��A woman appears�察�bearing the
attributes of Peace。�� Oh�察�Peace� �companion of fair Aphrodite and of
the sweet Graces�察�how charming are thy features and yet I never knew
it� �Would that Eros might join me to thee�察�Eros crowned with roses
as Zeuxis shows him to us� �Do I seem somewhat old to thee�拭�I am yet
able to make thee a threefold offering�察�despite my age I could plant a
long row of vines for you�察�then beside these some tender cuttings from
the fig�察�finally a youn�察�vinestock�察�loaded with fruit�察�and all
around the field olive trees�察�to furnish us with oil wherewith to
anoint us both at the New Moons。
��A HERALD enters。��
HERALD
Oyez�察�oyez� �As was the custom of your forebears�察�empty a full
pitcher of wine at the call of the trumpet�察�he who first sees the
bottom shall get a wine´skin as round and plump as Ctesiphon's belly。
DICAEOPOLIS ��coming out of the house�察�to his family within��
Women�察�children�察�have you not heard�拭�Faith� �do you not heed the
herald�拭�Quick� �let the hares boil and roast merrily�察�keep them
turning�察�withdraw them from the flame�察�prepare the chaplets�察�reach
me the skewers that I may spit the thrushes。
LEADER OF FIRST SEMI´CHORUS
I envy you your wisdom and even more your good cheer。
DICAEOPOLIS
What then will you say when you see the thrushes roasting��
LEADER OF FIRST SEMI´CHORUS
Ah� �true indeed��
DICAEOPOLIS
Slave� �stir up the fire。
LEADER OF FIRST SEMI´CHORUS
See�察�how he knows his business�察�what a perfect cook� �How well he
understands the way to prepare a good dinner��
��A HUSBANDMAN enters in haste。��
HUSBANDMAN
Ah� �woe is me��
DICAEOPOLIS
Heracles� �What have we here��
HUSBANDMAN
A most miserable man。
DICAEOPOLIS
Keep your misery for yourself。
HUSBANDMAN
Ah� �friend� �since you alone are enjoying peace�察�grant me a part of
your truce�察�were it but five years。
DICAEOPOLIS
What has happened to you��
HUSBANDMAN
I am ruined�察�I have lost a pair of steers。
DICAEOPOLIS
How��
HUSBANDMAN
The Boeotians seized them at Phyle。
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah� �poor wretch� �and do you still wear white��
HUSBANDMAN
Their dung made my wealth。
DICAEOPOLIS
What can I do in the matter��
HUSBANDMAN
Crying for my beasts has lost me my eyesight。 Ah� �if you care
for poor Dercetes of Phyle�察�anoint mine eyes quickly with your balm of
peace。
DICAEOPOLIS
But�察�my poor fellow�察�I do not practise medicine。
HUSBANDMAN
Come�察�I adjure you�察�perhaps I shall recover my steers。
DICAEOPOLIS
Impossible�察�away�察�go and whine to the disciples of Pittalus。
HUSBANDMAN
Grant me but one drop of peace�察�pour it into this little reed。
DICAEOPOLIS
No�察�not a particle�察�go and weep somewhere else。
HUSBANDMAN ��as he departs��
Oh� �oh� �oh� �my poor beasts��
LEADER OF SECOND SEMI´CHORUS
This man has discovered the sweetest enjoyment in peace�察�he will
share it with none。
DICAEOPOLIS ��to a slave��
Pour honey over this tripe�察�set it before the fire to dry。
LEADER OF SECOND SEMI´CHORUS
What lofty tones he uses� �Did you hear him��
DICAEOPOLIS ��to the slaves inside the house��
Get the eels on the