the history of john bull-第13章
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th parts； the one without the other will not do。
The purchase…money of Peg's farm was ill paid；* then Peg loved a little good liquor； and the servants shut up the wine…cellar； but for that Peg found a trick； for she made a false key。** Peg's servants complained that they were debarred from all manner of business； and never suffered to touch the least thing within the house； if they offered to come into the warehouse； then straight went the yard slap over their noddle； if they ventured into the counting…room a fellow would throw an ink…bottle at their head； if they came into the best apartment to set anything there in order； they were saluted with a broom； if they meddled with anything in the kitchen it was odds but the cook laid them over the pate with a ladle； one that would have got into the stables was met by two rascals； who fell to work with him with a brush and a curry…comb； some climbing up into the coachbox； were told that one of their companions had been there before that could not drive； then slap went the long whip about their ears。
* The equivalent not paid。 ** Run wine。
On the other hand； it was complained that Peg's servants were always asking for drink…money； that they had more than their share of the Christmas…box。* To say the truth； Peg's lads bustled pretty hard for that； for when they were endeavouring to lock it up they got in their great fists and pulled out handfuls of halfcrowns； shillings； and sixpences。 Others in the scramble picked up guineas and broad…pieces。 But there happened a worse thing than all this： it was complained that Peg's servants had great stomachs； and brought so many of their friends and acquaintance to the table that John's family was like to be eaten out of house and home。 Instead of regulating this matter as it ought to be； Peg's young men were thrust away from the table； then there was the devil and all to do spoons； plates； and dishes flew about the room like mad； and Sir Roger； who was now Majordomo； had enough to do to quiet them。 Peg said this was contrary to agreement； whereby she was in all things to be treated like a child of the family。 Then she called upon those that had made her such fair promises； and undertook for her brother John's good behaviour； but； alas！ to her cost she found that they were the first and readiest to do her the injury。 John at last agreed to this regulation： that Peg's footmen might sit with his book…keeper； journeymen； and apprentices； and Peg's better sort of servants might sit with his footmen if they pleased。**
* Endeavoured to get their share of places。 ** Articles of Union； whereby they could make a Scot's commoner； but not a lord a peer。
Then they began to order plum…porridge and minced pies for Peg's dinner。 Peg told them she had an aversion to that sort of food； that upon forcing down a mess of it some years ago it threw her into a fit till she brought it up again。 Some alleged it was nothing but humour； that the same mess should be served up again for supper； and breakfast next morning； others would have made use of a horn； but the wiser sort bid let her alone； and she might take to it of her own accord。
CHAPTER VI。 The conversation between John Bull and his wife。*
* The history of the Partition Treaty； suspicions at that time that the French King intended to take the whole； and that he revealed the secret to the Court of Spain。
MRS。 BULL。Though our affairs； honey； are in a bad condition； I have a better opinion of them since you seemed to be convinced of the ill course you have been in； and are resolved to submit to proper remedies。 But when I consider your immense debts； your foolish bargains； and the general disorder of your business； I have a curiosity to know what fate or chance has brought you into this condition。
JOHN BULL。I wish you would talk of some other subject； the thoughts of it makes me mad； our family must have their run。
MRS。 BULL。But such a strange thing as this never happened to any of your family before： they have had lawsuits； but； though they spent the income； they never mortgaged the stock。 Sure； you must have some of the Norman or the Norfolk blood in you。 Prithee； give me some account of these matters。
JOHN BULL。Who could help it？ There lives not such a fellow by bread as that old Lewis Baboon： he is the most cheating； contentious rogue upon the face of the earth。 You must know； one day； as Nic。 Frog and I were over a bottle making up an old quarrel； the old fellow would needs have us drink a bottle of his champagne； and so one after another； till my friend Nic。 and I； not being used to such heady stuff； got very drunk。 Lewis all the while； either by the strength of his brain or flinching his glass； kept himself sober as a judge。 〃My worthy friends；〃 quoth Lewis； 〃henceforth let us live neighbourly； I am as peaceable and quiet as a lamb of my own temper； but it has been my misfortune to live among quarrelsome neighbours。 There is but one thing can make us fall out； and that is the inheritance of Lord Strutt's estate： I am content； for peace' sake； to waive my right； and submit to any expedient to prevent a lawsuit； I think an equal division* will be the fairest way。〃 〃Well moved； Old Lewis；〃 quoth Frog； 〃and I hope my friend John here will not be refractory。〃 At the same time he clapped me on the back； and slabbered me all over from cheek to cheek with his great tongue。 〃Do as you please； gentlemen；〃 quoth I； 〃'tis all one to John Bull。〃 We agreed to part that night； and next morning to meet at the corner of Lord Strutt's park wall； with our surveying instruments； which accordingly we did。 Old Lewis carried a chain and a semicircle； Nic。； paper； rulers； and a lead pencil； and I followed at some distance with a long pole。 We began first with surveying the meadow grounds； afterwards we measured the cornfields； close by close； then we proceeded to the woodlands； the copper and tin mines。** All this while Nic。 laid down everything exactly upon paper； calculated the acres and roods to a great nicety。 When we had finished the land； we were going to break into the house and gardens； to take an inventory of his plate； pictures； and other furniture。
* The Partition Treaty。 ** The West Indies。
MRS。 BULL。What said Lord Strutt to all this？
JOHN BULL。As we had almost finished our concern； we were accosted by some of Lord Strutt's servants。 〃Heyday！ what's here？ what a devil's the meaning of all these trangrams and gimcracks； gentlemen？ What in the name of wonder； are you going about； jumping over my master's hedges； and running your lines cross his grounds？ If you are at any field pastime； you might have asked leave： my master is a civil well…bred person as any is。〃
MRS。 BULL。What could you answer to this？
JOHN BULL。Why； truly； my neighbour Frog and I were still hot… headed； we told him his master was an old doting puppy； that minded nothing of his own business； that we were surveying his estate； and settling it for him； since he would not do it himself。 Upon this there happened a quarrel； but we being stronger than they； sent them away with a flea in their ear。 They went home and told their master。 〃My lord；〃 say they； 〃there are three odd sort of fellows going about your grounds with the strangest machines that ever we beheld in our life： I suppose they are going to rob your orchard； fell your trees； or drive away your cattle。 They told us strange things of settling your estateone is a lusty old fellow in a black wig； with a black beard； without teeth； there's another； thick squat fellow； in trunk hose； the third is a little； long…nosed； thin man （I was then lean； being just come out of a fit of sickness）I suppose it is fit to send after them； lest they carry something away？〃
MRS。 BULL。I fancy this put the old fellow in a rare tweague。
JOHN BULL。Weak as he was； he called for his long Toledo； swore and bounced about the room： 〃'Sdeath！ what am I come to； to be affronted so by my tradesmen？ I know the rascals： my barber； clothier； and linen…draper dispose of my estate！ Bring hither my blunderbuss； I'll warrant ye you shall see daylight through them。 Scoundrels！ dogs！ the scum of the earth！ Frog； that was my father's kitchen…boy； he
