the history of john bull-第20章
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JACK。Mayn't I quilt my rope？ It galls my neck strangely： besides； I don't like this running knot。 It holds too tight； I may be stifled all of a sudden。
HAB。Thou hast so many ifs and ands！ prithee despatch； it might have been over before this time。
JACK。But now I think on't； I would fain settle some affairs； for fear of the worst： have a little patience。
HAB。There's no having patience； thou art such a faintling； silly creature。
JACK。O thou most detestable； abominable Passive Obedience！ did I ever imagine I should become thy votary； in so pregnant an instance？ How will my brother Martin laugh at this story； to see himself outdone in his own calling！ He has taken the doctrine； and left me the practice。
No sooner had he uttered these words； but； like a man of true courage； he tied the fatal cord to the beam； fitted the noose； and mounted upon the bottom of a tub； the inside of which he had often graced in his prosperous days。 This footstool Habakkuk kicked away； and left poor Jack swinging like the pendulum of Paul's clock。 The fatal noose performed its office； and with most strict ligature squeezed the blood into his face till it assumed a purple dye。 While the poor man heaved from the very bottom of his belly for breath； Habakkuk walked with great deliberation into both the upper and lower room； to acquaint his friends； who received the news with great temper； and with jeers and scoffs instead of pity。 〃Jack has hanged himself！〃 quoth they； 〃let us go and see how the poor rogue swings。〃 Then they called Sir Roger。 〃Sir Roger；〃 quoth Habakkuk； 〃Jack has hanged himself； make haste and cut him down。〃 Sir Roger turned first one ear and then the other； not understanding what he said。
HAB。I tell you Jack has hanged himself up。
SIR ROGER。Who's hanged？
HAB。Jack。
SIR ROGER。I thought this had not been hanging day。
HAB。But the poor fellow has hanged himself。
SIR ROGER。Then let him hang。 I don't wonder at it； the fellow has been mad these twenty years。
With this he slunk away。
Then Jack's friends began to hunch and push one another： 〃Why don't you go and cut the poor fellow down？〃 〃Why don't you？〃 〃And why don't you？〃 〃Not I；〃 quoth one。 〃Not I；〃 quoth another。 〃Not I；〃 quoth a third； 〃he may hang till doomsday before I relieve him！〃 Nay； it is credibly reported that they were so far from succouring their poor friend in this his dismal circumstance； that Ptschirnsooker and several of his companions went in and pulled him by the legs； and thumped him on the breast。 Then they began to rail at him for the very thing which they had advised and justified before； viz。； his getting into the old gentlewoman's family； and putting on her livery。 The keeper who performed the last office coming up； found Jack swinging； with no life in him。 He took down the body gently and laid it on a bulk； and brought out the rope to the company。 〃This； gentlemen； is the rope that hanged Jack； what must be done with it？〃 Upon which they ordered it to be laid among the curiosities of Gresham College； and it is called Jack's rope to this very day。 However； Jack； after all； had some small tokens of life in him； but lies； at this time； past hopes of a total recovery； with his head hanging on one shoulder； without speech or motion。 The coroner's inquest； supposing him to be dead； brought him in non compos。
CHAPTER XIV。 The Conference between Don Diego and John Bull。
During the time of the foregoing transactions； Don Diego was entertaining John Bull。
DON DIEGO。I hope； sir； this day's proceeding will convince you of the sincerity of your old friend Diego； and the treachery of Sir Roger。
JOHN BULL。What's the matter now？
DON DIEGO。You have been endeavouring； for several years； to have justice done upon that rogue Jack； but； what through the remissness of constables； justices； and packed juries； he has always found the means to escape。
JOHN BULL。What then？
DON DIEGO。Consider； then； who is your best friend： he that would have brought him to condign punishment； or he that has saved him？ By my persuasion Jack had hanged himself； if Sir Roger had not cut him down。
JOHN BULL。Who told you that Sir Roger has done so？
DON DIEGO。You seem to receive me coldly： methinks my services deserve a better return。
JOHN BULL。Since you value yourself upon hanging this poor scoundrel； I tell you； when I have any more hanging work； I'll send for thee： I have some better employment for Sir Roger。 In the meantime； I desire the poor fellow may be looked after。 When he first came out of the north country into my family； under the pretended name of Timothy Trim； the fellow seemed to mind his loom and his spinning…wheel； till somebody turned his head； then he grew so pragmatical； that he took upon him the government of my whole family： I could never order anything； within or without doors； but he must be always giving his counsel； forsooth： nevertheless； tell him I will forgive what is past； and if he would mind his business for the future； and not meddle out of his own sphere； he will find that John Bull is not of a cruel disposition。
DON DIEGO。Yet all your skilful physicians say that nothing can recover your mother but a piece of Jack's liver boiled in her soup。
JOHN BULL。Those are quacks。 My mother abhors such cannibals' food。 She is in perfect health at present。 I would have given many a good pound to have had her so well some time ago。* There are indeed two or three troublesome old nurses that； because they believe I am tender…hearted； will never let me have a quiet night's rest with knocking me up： 〃Oh； sir； your mother is taken extremely ill； she is fallen into a fainting fit； she has a great emptiness； wants sustenance。〃 This is only to recommend themselves for their great care。 John Bull； as simple as he is； understands a little of a pulse。
* New clamours about the danger of the Church。
CHAPTER XV。 The sequel of the meeting at the 〃Salutation。〃*
* At the Congress of Utrecht。
Where I think I left John Bull； sitting between Nic。 Frog and Lewis Baboon； with his arms akimbo； in great concern to keep Lewis and Nic。 asunder。 As watchful as he was； Nic。 found the means now and then to steal a whisper； and by a cleanly conveyance under the table to slip a short note into Lewis's hand； which Lewis as slyly put into John's pocket； with a pinch or a jog to warn him what he was about。 John had the curiosity to retire into a corner to peruse those billets doux* of Nic。's； wherein he found that Nic。 had used great freedoms both with his interest and reputation。 One contained these words： 〃Dear Lewis； thou seest clearly that this blockhead can never bring his matters to bear。 Let thee and me talk to…night by ourselves at the 'Rose；' and I'll give thee satisfaction。〃 Another was thus expressed： 〃Friend Lewis； has thy sense quite forsaken thee to make Bull such offers？ Hold fast； part with nothing； and I will give thee a better bargain； I'll warrant thee！'
* Some offers of the Dutch at that time； in order to get the negotiation into their hands。
In some of his billets he told Lewis 〃That John Bull was under his guardianship； that the best part of his servants were at his command； that he could have John gagged and bound whenever he pleased by the people of his own family。〃 In all these epistles； blockhead； dunce； ass； coxcomb； were the best epithets he gave poor John。 In others he threatened；* 〃That he； Esquire South； and the rest of the tradesmen； would lay Lewis down upon his back and beat out his teeth if he did not retire immediately and break up the Meeting。〃
* Threatening that the allies would carry on the war without the help of the English。
I fancy I need not tell my reader that John often changed colour as he read； and that his fingers itched to give Nic。 a good slap on the chops； but he wisely moderated his choleric temper。 *〃I saved this fellow；〃 quoth he； 〃from the gallows when he ran away from his last master； because I thought he was harshly treated； but the rogue was no sooner safe under my protection than he began to lie； pilfer； and steal like the devil。 When I first set him up in a warm house he had hardly put up his sign when he began to debauch my
