crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第108章
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table and his eyes turned away。 She read to the thirty…second verse。
〃Then when Mary was come where Jesus was and saw Him； she fell
down at His feet； saying unto Him； Lord if Thou hadst been here； my
brother had not died。
When Jesus therefore saw her weeping； and the Jews also weeping
which came with her； He groaned in the spirit and was troubled；
And said； Where have ye laid him？ They said unto Him； Lord； come and
see。
Jesus wept。
Then said the Jews； behold how He loved him！
And some of them said； could not this Man which opened the eyes of
the blind； have caused that even this man should not have died？〃
Raskolnikov turned and looked at her with emotion。 Yes； he had known
it！ She was trembling in a real physical fever。 He had expected it。
She was getting near the story of the greatest miracle and a feeling
of immense triumph came over her。 Her voice rang out like a bell；
triumph and joy gave it power。 The lines danced before her eyes； but
she knew what she was reading by heart。 At the last verse 〃Could not
this Man which opened the eyes of the blind。。。〃 dropping her voice she
passionately reproduced the doubt； the reproach and censure of the
blind disbelieving Jews； who in another moment would fall at His
feet as though struck by thunder； sobbing and believing。。。。 〃And he；
he… too； is blinded and unbelieving； he； too； will hear； he； too； will
believe； yes； yes！ At once； now；〃 was what she was dreaming； and she
was quivering with happy anticipation。
〃Jesus therefore again groaning in Himself cometh to the grave。 It
was a cave； and a stone lay upon it。
Jesus said； Take ye away the stone。 Martha； the sister of him that
was dead； saith unto Him； Lord by this time he stinketh： for he hath
been dead four days。〃
She laid emphasis on the word four。
〃Jesus saith unto her； Said I not unto thee that if thou wouldest
believe； thou shouldest see the glory of God？
Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was
laid。 And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said； Father； I thank Thee that
Thou hast heard Me。
And I knew that Thou hearest Me always； but because of the people
which stand by I said it； that they may believe that Thou hast sent
Me。
And when He thus had spoken； He cried with a loud voice； Lazarus；
come forth。
And he that was dead came forth。〃
（She read loudly； cold and trembling with ecstasy； as though she
were seeing it before her eyes。）
〃Bound hand and foot with graveclothes； and his face was bound about
with a napkin。 Jesus saith unto them； Loose him and let him go。
Then many of the Jews which came to Mary and had seen the things
which Jesus did believed on Him。〃
She could read no more； closed the book and got up from her chair
quickly。
〃That is all about the raising of Lazarus；〃 she whispered severely
and abruptly； and turning away she stood motionless； not daring to
raise her eyes to him。 She still trembled feverishly。 The candle…end
was flickering out in the battered candlestick； dimly lighting up in
the poverty…stricken room the murderer and the harlot who had so
strangely been reading together the eternal book。 Five minutes or more
passed。
〃I came to speak of something；〃 Raskolnikov said aloud； frowning。 He
got up and went to Sonia。 She lifted her eyes to him in silence。 His
face was particularly stern and there was a sort of savage
determination in it。
〃I have abandoned my family to…day；〃 he said； 〃my mother and sister。
I am not going to see them。 I've broken with them completely。〃
〃What for？〃 asked Sonia amazed。 Her recent meeting with his mother
and sister had left a great impression which she could not analyse。
She heard his news almost with horror。
〃I have only you now；〃 he added。 〃Let us go together。。。。 I've come
to you； we are both accursed； let us go our way together！〃
His eyes glittered 〃as though he were mad；〃 Sonia thought； in her
turn。
〃Go where？〃 she asked in alarm and she involuntarily stepped back。
〃How do I know？ I only know it's the same road； I know that and
nothing more。 It's the same goal！〃
She looked at him and understood nothing。 She knew only that he
was terribly； infinitely unhappy。
〃No one of them will understand； if you tell them； but I have
understood。 I need you； that is why I have come to you。〃
〃I don't understand；〃 whispered Sonia。
〃You'll understand later。 Haven't you done the same？ You； too；
have transgressed。。。 have had the strength to transgress。 You have
laid hands on yourself； you have destroyed a life。。。 your own （it's
all the same！）。 You might have lived in spirit and understanding；
but you'll end in the Hay Market。。。。 But you won't be able to stand
it； and if you remain alone you'll go out of your mind like me。 You
are like a mad creature already。 So we must go together on the same
road！ Let us go！〃
〃What for？ What's all this for？〃 said Sonia； strangely and violently
agitated by his words。
〃What for？ Because you can't remain like this； that's why！ You
must look things straight in the face at last； and not weep like a
child and cry that God won't allow it。 What will happen； if you should
really be taken to the hospital to…morrow？ She is mad and in
consumption； she'll soon die； and the children？ Do you mean to tell me
Polenka won't come to grief？ Haven't you seen children here at the
street corners sent out by their mothers to beg？ I've found out
where those mothers live and in what surroundings。 Children can't
remain children there！ At seven the child is vicious and a thief。
Yet children； you know； are the image of Christ： 'theirs is the
kingdom of Heaven。' He bade us honour and love them； they are the
humanity of the future。。。。〃
〃What's to be done； what's to be done？〃 repeated Sonia； weeping
hysterically and wringing her hands。
〃What's to be done？ Break what must be broken； once for all；
that's all； and take the suffering on oneself。 What； you don't
understand？ You'll understand later。。。。 Freedom and power； and above
all； power！ Over all trembling creation and all the antheap！。。。 That's
the goal； remember that！
