crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第14章
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herself。 She is an angel and you； Rodya； you are everything to us… our
one hope； our one consolation。 If only you are happy； we shall be
happy。 Do you still say your prayers； Rodya； and believe in the
mercy of our Creator and our Redeemer？ I am afraid in my heart that
you may have been visited by the new spirit of infidelity that is
abroad to…day！ If it is so； I pray for you。 Remember； dear boy； how in
your childhood； when your father was living； you used to lisp your
prayers at my knee； and how happy we all were in those days。 Good…bye；
till we meet then… I embrace you warmly； warmly； with many kisses。
〃Yours till death
〃PULCHERIA RASKOLNIKOV。〃
…
Almost from the first； while he read the letter； Raskolnikov's
face was wet with tears； but when he finished it； his face was pale
and distorted and a bitter； wrathful and malignant smile was on his
lips。 He laid his head down on his threadbare dirty pillow and
pondered； pondered a long time。 His heart was beating violently； and
his brain was in a turmoil。 At last he felt cramped and stifled in the
little yellow room that was like a cupboard or a box。 His eyes and his
mind craved for space。 He took up his hat and went out； this time
without dread of meeting any one； he had forgotten his dread。 He
turned in the direction of the Vassilyevsky Ostrov； walking along
Vassilyevsky Prospect； as though hastening on some business； but he
walked； as his habit was； without noticing his way； muttering and even
speaking aloud to himself； to the astonishment of the passers…by。 Many
of them took him to be drunk。
Chapter Four
HIS MOTHER'S letter had been a torture to him； but as regards the
chief fact in it； he had felt not one moment's hesitation； even whilst
he was reading the letter。 The essential question was settled； and
irrevocably settled； in his mind： 〃Never such a marriage while I am
alive and Mr。 Luzhin be damned；〃 〃The thing is perfectly clear；〃 he
muttered to himself； with a malignant smile anticipating the triumph
of his decision。 〃No； mother； no； Dounia； you won't deceive me！ and
then they apologise for not asking my advice and for taking the
decision without me！ I dare say！ They imagine it is arranged now and
can't be broken off； but we will see whether it can or not！ A
magnificent excuse： 'Pyotr Petrovitch is such a busy man that even his
wedding has to be in post…haste； almost by express。' No； Dounia； I see
it all and I know what you want to say to me； and I know too what
you were thinking about； when you walked up and down all night； and
what your prayers were like before the Holy Mother of Kazan who stands
in mother's bedroom。 Bitter is the ascent to Golgotha。。。。 Hm。。。 so
it is finally settled； you have determined to marry a sensible
business man； Avdotya Romanovna； one who has a fortune （has already
made his fortune； that is so much more solid and impressive） a man who
holds two government posts and who shares the ideas of our most rising
generation； as mother writes； and who seems to be kind； as Dounia
herself observes。 That seems beats everything！ And that very Dounia
for that very 'seems' is marrying him！ Splendid！ splendid！
〃。。。But I should like to know why mother has written to me about
'our most rising generation'？ Simply as a descriptive touch； or with
the idea of prepossessing me in favour of Mr。 Luzhin？ Oh； the
cunning of them！ I should like to know one thing more： how far they
were open with one another that day and night and all this time since？
Was it all put into words； or did both understand that they had the
same thing at heart and in their minds； so that there was no need to
speak of it aloud； and better not to speak of it。 Most likely it was
partly like that； from mother's letter it's evident： he struck her
as rude a little； and mother in her simplicity took her observations
to Dounia。 And she was sure to be vexed and 'answered her angrily。'
I should think so！ Who would not be angered when it was quite clear
without any naive questions and when it was understood that it was
useless to discuss it。 And why does she write to me； 'love Dounia；
Rodya； and she loves you more than herself'？ Has she a secret
conscience…prick at sacrificing her daughter to her son？ 'You are
our one comfort； you are everything to us。' Oh； mother！〃
His bitterness grew more and more intense； and if he had happened to
meet Mr。 Luzhin at the moment； he might have murdered him。
〃Hm。。。 yes； that's true；〃 he continued； pursuing the whirling
ideas that chased each other in his brain； 〃it is true that 'it
needs time and care to get to know a man；' but there is no mistake
about Mr。 Luzhin。 The chief thing is he is 'a man of business and
seems kind；' that was something； wasn't it； to send the bags and big
box for them！ A kind man； no doubt after that！ But his bride and her
mother are to drive in a peasant's cart covered with sacking （I
know； I have been driven in it）。 No matter！ It is only ninety versts
and then they can 'travel very comfortably； third class；' for a
thousand versts！ Quite right； too。 One must cut one's coat according
to one's cloth； but what about you； Mr。 Luzhin？ She is your
bride。。。。 And you must be aware that her mother has to raise money
on her pension for the journey。 To be sure it's a matter of
business； a partnership for mutual benefit； with equal shares and
expenses；… food and drink provided； but pay for your tobacco。 The
business man has got the better of them； too。 The luggage will cost
less than their fares and very likely go for nothing。 How is it that
they don't both see all that； or is it that they don't want to see？
And they are pleased； pleased！ And to think that this is only the
first blossoming； and that the real fruits are to come！ But what
really matters is not the stinginess； is not the meanness； but the
tone of the whole thing。 For that will be the tone after marriage；
it's a foretaste of it。 And mother too； why should she be so lavish？
What will she have by the time she gets to Petersburg？ Three silver
roubles or two 'paper ones' as she says。。。。 that old woman。。。 hm。 What
does she expect to live upon in Petersburg afterwards？ She has her
reasons already for guessing that she could not live with Dounia after
the marriage； even for the first few months。 The good man has no doubt
let slip something on that subject also； though mother would deny
it： 'I shall refuse；' says she。 On whom is she reckoning then？ Is
she counting on what is left of her hundred and twenty roubles of
pension when Afanasy Ivanovitch's debt is paid？ She knits woollen
shawls and embroiders cuffs； ruining her old eyes。 And all her
shawls don't add more than twenty roubles a year to her hundred and
twenty； I know that。 So she is building all her hopes all the time
on Mr。 Luzhin's gener
