crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第23章
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value has the life of that sickly； stupid； ill…natured old woman in
the balance of existence！ No more than the life of a louse； of a black
beetle； less in fact because the old woman is doing harm。 She is
wearing out the lives of others； the other day she bit Lizaveta's
finger out of spite； it almost had to be amputated。〃
〃Of course she does not deserve to live；〃 remarked the officer； 〃but
there it is； it's nature。〃
〃Oh； well； brother； but we have to correct and direct nature； and；
but for that； we should drown in an ocean of prejudice。 But for
that； there would never have been a single great man。 They talk of
duty； conscience… I don't want to say anything against duty and
conscience；… but the point is what do we mean by them。 Stay； I have
another question to ask you。 Listen！〃
〃No； you stay； I'll ask you a question。 Listen！〃
〃Well？〃
〃You are talking and speechifying away； but tell me； would you
kill the old woman yourself？〃
〃Of course not！ I was only arguing the justice of it。。。。 It's
nothing to do with me。。。。〃
〃But I think； if you would not do it yourself； there's no justice
about it。。。。 Let us have another game。〃
Raskolnikov was violently agitated。 Of course； it was all ordinary
youthful talk and thought； such as he had often heard before in
different forms and on different themes。 But why had he happened to
hear such a discussion and such ideas at the very moment when his
own brain was just conceiving。。。 the very same ideas？ And why； just at
the moment when he had brought away the embryo of his idea from the
old woman had he dropped at once upon a conversation about her？ This
coincidence always seemed strange to him。 This trivial talk in a
tavern had an immense influence on him in his later action； as
though there had really been in it something preordained； some guiding
hint。。。。
…
On returning from the Hay Market he flung himself on the sofa and
sat for a whole hour without stirring。 Meanwhile it got dark； he had
no candle and； indeed； it did not occur to him to light up。 He could
never recollect whether he had been thinking about anything at that
time。 At last he was conscious of his former fever and shivering；
and he realised with relief that he could lie down on the sofa。 Soon
heavy； leaden sleep came over him； as it were crushing him。
He slept an extraordinarily long time and without dreaming。
Nastasya； coming into his room at ten o'clock the next morning； had
difficulty in rousing him。 She brought him in tea and bread。 The tea
was again the second brew and again in her own tea…pot。
〃My goodness； how he sleeps！〃 she cried indignantly。 〃And he is
always asleep。〃
He got up with an effort。 His head ached； he stood up； took a turn
in his garret and sank back on the sofa again。
〃Going to sleep again；〃 cried Nastasya。 〃Are you ill； eh？〃
He made no reply。
〃Do you want some tea？〃
〃Afterwards；〃 he said with an effort； closing his eyes again and
turning to the wall。
Nastasya stood over him。
〃Perhaps he really is ill；〃 she said； turned and went out。 She
came in again at two o'clock with soup。 He was lying as before。 The
tea stood untouched。 Nastasya felt positively offended and began
wrathfully rousing him。
〃Why are you lying like a log？〃 she shouted； looking at him with
repulsion。
He got up； and sat down again； but said nothing and stared at the
floor。
〃Are you ill or not？〃 asked Nastasya and again received no answer。
〃You'd better go out and get a breath of air；〃 she said after a pause。
〃Will you eat it or not？〃
〃Afterwards；〃 he said weakly。 〃You can go。〃
And he motioned her out。
She remained a little longer； looked at him with compassion and went
out。
A few minutes afterwards； he raised his eyes and looked for a long
while at the tea and the soup。 Then he took the bread； took up a spoon
and began to eat。
He ate a little； three or four spoonfuls； without appetite as it
were mechanically。 His head ached less。 After his meal he stretched
himself on the sofa again； but now he could not sleep； he lay
without stirring； with his face in the pillow。 He was haunted by
daydreams and such strange daydreams； in one； that kept recurring；
he fancied that he was in Africa； in Egypt； in some sort of oasis。 The
caravan was resting； the camels were peacefully lying down； the
palms stood all around in a complete circle； all the party were at
dinner。 But he was drinking water from a spring which flowed
gurgling close by。 And it was so cool； it was wonderful； wonderful；
blue； cold water running among the parti…coloured stones and over
the clean sand which glistened here and there like gold。。。。 Suddenly
he heard a clock strike。 He started； roused himself； raised his
head； looked out of the window； and seeing how late it was； suddenly
jumped up wide awake as though some one had pulled him off the sofa。
He crept on tiptoe to the door； stealthily opened it and began
listening on the staircase。 His heart beat terribly。 But all was quiet
on the stairs as if every one was asleep。。。。 It seemed to him
strange and monstrous that he could have slept in such forgetfulness
from the previous day and had done nothing； had prepared nothing
yet。。。。 And meanwhile perhaps it had struck six。 And his drowsiness
and stupefaction were followed by an extraordinary； feverish； as it
were； distracted； haste。 But the preparations to be made were few。
He concentrated all his energies on thinking of everything and
forgetting nothing； and his heart kept beating and thumping so that he
could hardly breathe。 First he had to make a noose and sew it into his
overcoat… a work of a moment。 He rummaged under his pillow and
picked out amongst the linen stuffed away under it； a worn out； old
unwashed shirt。 From its rags he tore a long strip； a couple of inches
wide and about sixteen inches long。 He folded this strip in two；
took off his wide； strong summer overcoat of some stout cotton
material （his only outer garment） and began sewing the two ends of the
rag on the inside； under the left armhole。 His hands shook as he
sewed； but he did it successfully so that nothing showed outside
when he put the coat on
