crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第56章
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He went out； trembling all over from a sort of wild hysterical
sensation； in which there was an element of insufferable rapture。
Yet he was gloomy and terribly tired。 His face was twisted as after
a fit。 His fatigue increased rapidly。 Any shock； any irritating
sensation stimulated and revived his energies at once； but his
strength failed as quickly when the stimulus was removed。
Zametov； left alone； sat for a long time in the same place；
plunged in thought。 Raskolnikov had unwittingly worked a revolution in
his brain on a certain point and had made up his mind for him
conclusively。
〃Ilya Petrovitch is a blockhead；〃 he decided。
Raskolnikov had hardly opened the door of the restaurant when he
stumbled against Razumihin on the steps。 They did not see each other
till they almost knocked against each other。 For a moment they stood
looking each other up and down。 Razumihin was greatly astounded；
then anger； real anger gleamed fiercely in his eyes。
〃So here you are！〃 he shouted at the top of his voice… 〃you ran away
from your bed！ And here I've been looking for you under the sofa！ We
went up to the garret。 I almost beat Nastasya on your account。 And
here he is after all。 Rodya！ What is the meaning of it？ Tell me the
whole truth！ Confess！ Do you hear？〃
〃It means that I'm sick to death of you all and I want to be alone；〃
Raskolnikov answered calmly。
〃Alone？ When you are not able to walk； when your face is as white as
a sheet and you are gasping for breath！ Idiot！。。。 What have you been
doing in the Palais de Crystal？ Own up at once！〃
〃Let me go！〃 said Raskolnikov and tried to pass him。 This was too
much for Razumihin； he gripped him firmly by the shoulder。
〃Let you go？ You dare tell me to let you go？ Do you know what I'll
do with you directly？ I'll pick you up； tie you up in a bundle；
carry you home under my arm and lock you up！〃
〃Listen； Razumihin；〃 Raskolnikov began quietly； apparently calm…
〃can't you see that I don't want your benevolence？ A strange desire
you have to shower benefits on a man who。。。 curses them； who feels
them a burden in fact！ Why did you seek me out at the beginning of
my illness？ Maybe I was very glad to die。 Didn't I tell you plainly
enough to…day that you were torturing me； that I was。。。 sick of you！
You seem to want to torture people！ I assure you that all that is
seriously hindering my recovery； because it's continually irritating
me。 You saw Zossimov went away just now to avoid irritating me。 You
leave me alone too； for goodness' sake！ What right have you； indeed；
to keep me by force？ Don't you see that I am in possession of all my
faculties now？ How； can I persuade you not to persecute me with your
kindness？ I may be ungrateful； I may be mean； only let me be； for
God's sake； let me be！ Let me be； let me be！〃
He began calmly； gloating beforehand over the venomous phrases he
was about to utter； but finished； panting for breath； in a frenzy；
as he had been with Luzhin。
Razumihin stood a moment； thought and let his hand drop。
〃Well； go to hell then；〃 he said gently and thoughtfully。 〃Stay；〃 he
roared； as Raskolnikov was about to move。 〃Listen to me。 Let me tell
you； that you are all a set of babbling； posing idiots！ If you've
any little trouble you brood over it like a hen over an egg。 And you
are plagiarists even in that！ There isn't a sign of independent life
in you！ You are made of spermaceti ointment and you've lymph in your
veins instead of blood。 I don't believe in any one of you！ In any
circumstances the first thing for all of you is to be unlike a human
being！ Stop！〃 he cried with redoubled fury； noticing that
Raskolnikov was again making a movement… 〃hear me out！ You know I'm
having a house…warming this evening； I dare say they've arrived by
now； but I left my uncle there… I just ran in… to receive the
guests。 And if you weren't a fool； a common fool； a perfect fool； if
you were an original instead of a translation。。。 you see； Rodya； I
recognise you're a clever fellow； but you're a fool！… and if you
weren't a fool you'd come round to me this evening instead of
wearing out your boots in the street！ Since you have gone out； there's
no help for it！ I'd give you a snug easy chair； my landlady has one。。。
a cup of tea； company。。。。 Or you could lie on the sofa… any way you
would be with us。。。。 Zossimov will be there too。 Will you come？〃
〃No。〃
〃R…rubbish！〃 Razumihin shouted； out of patience。 〃How do you know？
You can't answer for yourself！ You don't know anything about it。。。。
Thousands of times I've fought tooth and nail with people and run back
to them afterwards。。。。 One feels ashamed and goes back to a man！ So
remember； Potchinkov's house on the third storey。。。。〃
〃Why； Mr。 Razumihin； I do believe you'd let anybody beat you from
sheer benevolence。〃
〃Beat？ Whom？ Me？ I'd twist his nose off at the mere idea！
Potchinkov's house； 47； Babushkin's flat。。。。〃
〃I shall not come； Razumihin。〃 Raskolnikov turned and walked away。
〃I bet you will；〃 Razumihin shouted after him。 〃I refuse to know you
if you don't！ Stay； hey； is Zametov in there？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Did you see him？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Talked to him？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃What about？ Confound you； don't tell me then。 Potchinkov's house；
47； Babushkin's flat； remember！〃
Raskolnikov walked on and turned the corner into Sadovy Street。
Razumihin looked after him thoughtfully。 Then with a wave of his
hand he went into the house but stopped short of the stairs。
〃Confound it；〃 he went on almost aloud。 〃He talked sensibly but
yet。。。 I am a fool！ As if madmen didn't talk sensibly！ And this was
just what Zossimov seemed afraid of。〃 He struck his finger on his
forehead。 〃What if。。。 how could I let him go off alone？ He may drown
himself。。。。 Ach； what a blunder！ I can't。〃 And he ran back to overtake
Raskolnikov； but there was no trace of him。 With a curse he returned
with rapid steps to the Palais de Crystal to question Zametov。
Raskolnikov walked straight to X__ Bridge； stood in the middle；
and leaning both elbows on the rail stared into the distance。 On
parting with Razumihin； he felt so much weaker that he could
scarcely reach this place。 He longed to sit or lie down somewhere in
the street。 Bending over the water； he gazed mechanically at the
last pink flush of the sunset； at the row of houses growing dark in
the gathering twilight； at one distant attic window on the left
bank； flashing as though
