the sorrows of young werther-第8章

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e　a　condemned　criminal；　with　the　bitter　feeling　that　your　whole　fortune　could　not　save　her；　and　the　agonising　thought　wrings　you；　that　all　your　efforts　are　powerless　to　impart　even　a　moment's　strength　to　the　departing　soul；　or　quicken　her　with　a　transitory　consolation。〃

At　these　words　the　remembrance　of　a　similar　scene　at　which　I　had　been　once　present　fell　with　full　force　upon　my　heart。　I　buried　my　face　in　my　handkerchief；　and　hastened　from　the　room；　and　was　only　recalled　to　my　recollection　by　Charlotte's　voice；　who　reminded　me　that　it　was　time　to　return　home。　　With　what　tenderness　she　chid　me　on　the　way　for　the　too　eager　interest　I　took　in　everything！　She　declared　it　would　do　me　injury；　and　that　I　ought　to　spare　myself。　　Yes；　my　angel！　　I　will　do　so　for　your　sake。

JULY　6。

She　is　still　with　her　dying　friend；　and　is　still　the　same　bright；　beautiful　creature　whose　presence　softens　pain；　and　sheds　happiness　around　whichever　way　she　turns。　　She　went　out　yesterday　with　her　little　sisters：　I　knew　it；　and　went　to　meet　them；　and　we　walked　together。　　In　about　an　hour　and　a　half　we　returned　to　the　town。　We　stopped　at　the　spring　I　am　so　fond　of；　and　which　is　now　a　thousand　times　dearer　to　me　than　ever。　　Charlotte　seated　herself　upon　the　low　wall；　and　we　gathered　about　her。　　I　looked　around；　and　recalled　the　time　when　my　heart　was　unoccupied　and　free。　〃Dear　fountain！〃　I　said；　〃since　that　time　I　have　no　more　come　to　enjoy　cool　repose　by　thy　fresh　stream：　I　have　passed　thee　with　careless　steps；　and　scarcely　bestowed　a　glance　upon　thee。〃　　I　looked　down；　and　observed　Charlotte's　little　sister；　Jane；　coming　up　the　steps　with　a　glass　of　water。　　I　turned　toward　Charlotte；　and　I　felt　her　influence　over　me。　　Jane　at　the　moment　approached　with　the　glass。　　Her　sister；　Marianne；　wished　to　take　it　from　her。　〃No！〃　cried　the　child；　with　the　sweetest　expression　of　face；　〃Charlotte　must　drink　first。〃

The　affection　and　simplicity　with　which　this　was　uttered　so　charmed　me；　that　I　sought　to　express　my　feelings　by　catching　up　the　child　and　kissing　her　heartily。　　She　was　frightened；　and　began　to　cry。　〃You　should　not　do　that；〃　said　Charlotte：　I　felt　perplexed。　　〃Come；　Jane；〃　she　continued；　taking　her　hand；　and　leading　her　down　the　steps　again；　〃it　is　no　matter：　wash　yourself　quickly　in　the　fresh　water。〃　　I　stood　and　watched　them；　and　when　I　saw　the　little　dear　rubbing　her　cheeks　with　her　wet　hands；　in　full　belief　that　all　the　impurities　contracted　from　my　ugly　beard　would　be　washed　off　by　the　miraculous　water；　and　how；　though　Charlotte　said　it　would　do；　she　continued　still　to　wash　with　all　her　might；　as　though　she　thought　too　much　were　better　than　too　little；　I　assure　you；　Wilhelm；　I　never　attended　a　baptism　with　greater　reverence；　and；　when　Charlotte　came　up　from　the　well；　I　could　have　prostrated　myself　as　before　the　prophet　of　an　Eastern　nation。

In　the　evening　I　would　not　resist　telling　the　story　to　a　person　who；　I　thought；　possessed　some　natural　feeling；　because　he　was　a　man　of　understanding。　　But　what　a　mistake　I　made。　　He　maintained　it　was　very　wrong　of　Charlotte；　that　we　should　not　deceive　children；　that　such　things　occasioned　countless　mistakes　and　superstitions；　from　which　we　were　bound　to　protect　the　young。　　It　occurred　to　me　then；　that　this　very　man　had　been　baptised　only　a　week　before；　so　I　said　nothing　further；　but　maintained　the　justice　of　my　own　convictions。　　We　should　deal　with　children　as　God　deals　with　us；　we　are　happiest　under　the　influence　of　innocent　delusions。

JULY　8。

What　a　child　is　man　that　he　should　be　so　solicitous　about　a　look！　What　a　child　is　man！　　We　had　been　to　Walheim：　the　ladies　went　in　a　carriage；　but　during　our　walk　I　thought　I　saw　in　Charlotte's　dark　eyes　　I　am　a　fool　　but　forgive　me！　you　should　see　them；　　those　eyes。　　However；　to　be　brief　（for　my　own　eyes　are　weighed　down　with　sleep）；　you　must　know；　when　the　ladies　stepped　into　their　carriage　again；　young　W。　Seldstadt；　Andran；　and　I　were　standing　about　the　door。　　They　are　a　merry　set　of　fellows；　and　they　were　all　laughing　and　joking　together。　　I　watched　Charlotte's　eyes。　They　wandered　from　one　to　the　other；　but　they　did　not　light　on　me；　on　me；　who　stood　there　motionless；　and　who　saw　nothing　but　her！　My　heart　bade　her　a　thousand　times　adieu；　but　she　noticed　me　not。　The　carriage　drove　off；　and　my　eyes　filled　with　tears。　　I　looked　after　her：　suddenly　I　saw　Charlotte's　bonnet　leaning　out　of　the　window；　and　she　turned　to　look　back；　was　it　at　me？　　My　dear　friend；　I　know　not；　and　in　this　uncertainty　I　find　consolation。　　Perhaps　she　turned　to　look　at　me。　　Perhaps！　　Good…night　　what　a　child　I　am！　　　　JULY　lO。

You　should　see　how　foolish　I　look　in　company　when　her　name　is　mentioned；　particularly　when　I　am　asked　plainly　how　I　like　her。　How　I　like　her！　　I　detest　the　phrase。　　What　sort　of　creature　must　he　be　who　merely　liked　Charlotte；　whose　whole　heart　and　senses　were　not　entirely　absorbed　by　her。　　Like　her！　　Some　one　asked　me　lately　how　I　liked　Ossian。

JULY　11。

Madame　M　is　very　ill。　　I　pray　for　her　recovery；　because　Charlotte　shares　my　sufferings。　　I　see　her　occasionally　at　my　friend's　house；　and　to…day　she　has　told　me　the　strangest　circumstance。　　Old　M　is　a　covetous；　miserly　fellow；　who　has　long　worried　and　annoyed　the　poor　lady　sadly；　but　she　has　borne　her　afflictions　patiently。　A　few　days　ago；　when　the　physician　informed　us　that　her　recovery　was　hopeless；　she　sent　for　her　husband　（Charlotte　was　present）；　and　addressed　him　thus：　〃I　have　something　to　confess；　which；　after　my　decease；　may　occasion　trouble　and　confusion。　　I　have　hitherto　conducted　your　household　as　frugally　and　economically　as　possible；　but　you　must　pardon　me　for　having　defrauded　you　for　thirty　years。　At　the　commencement　of　our　married　life；　you　allowed　a　small　sum　for　the　wants　of　the　kitchen；　and　the　other　household　expenses。　When　our　establishment　increased　and　our　property　grew　larger；　I　could　not　persuade　you　to　increase　the　weekly　allowance　in　proportion：　in　short；　you　know；　that；　when　our　wants　were　greatest；　you　required　me　to　supply　everything　with　seven　florins　a　week。　　I　took　the　money　from　you　without　an　observation；　but　made　up　the　weekly　deficiency　from　the　money…chest；　as　nobody　would　suspect　your　wife　of　robbing　the　household　bank。　　But　I　have　wasted　nothing；　and　should　have　been　content　to　meet　my　eternal　Judge　without　this　confession；　if　she；　upon　whom　the　management　of　your　establishment　will　devolve　after　my　decease；　would　be　free　from　embarrassment　upon　your　insisting　that　the　allowance　made　to　me；　your　former　wife；　was　sufficient。〃

I　talked　with　Charlotte　of　the　inconceivable　manner　in　which　men　allow　themselves　to　be　blinded；　how　any　one　could　avoid　suspecting　some　deception；　when　seven　florins　only　were　allowed　to　defray　expenses　twice　as　great。　　But　I　have　myself　known　people　who　believed；　without　any　visible　astonishment；　that　their　house　possessed　the　prophet's　never…failing　cruse　of　oil。

JULY　13。

No；　I　am　not　deceived。　　In　her　dark　eyes　I　read　a　genuine　interest　in　me　and　in　my　fortunes。　　Yes；　I　feel　it；　and　I　may　believe　my　own　heart　which　tells　me　　dare　I　say　it？　　dare　I　pronounce　the　divine　words？　　that　she　loves　me！

That　she　loves　me！　　How　the　idea　exalts　me　in　my　own　eyes！　　And；　as　you　can　understand　my　feelings；　I　may　say　to　you；　how　I　honour　myself　since　she　loves　me！

Is　this　presumption；　or　is　it　a　consciousness　of　the　truth？　　I　do　not　know　a　man　able　to　supplant　me　in　the　heart　of　Charlotte；　and　yet　when　she　speaks　of　her　betrothed　with　so　much　warmth　and　affection；　I　feel　like　the　soldier　who　has　been　stripped　of　his　honours　and　titles；　and　deprived　of　his　sword。

JULY　16。

How　my　heart　beats　when　by　accident　I　touch　her　finger；　or　my　feet　meet　hers　under　the　table！　　I　draw　back　as　if　from　a　furnace；　but　a　secret　force　impels　me　forward　again；　and　my　senses　become　disordered。　　Her　innocent；　unconscious　heart　never　knows　what　agony　these　little　familiarities　inflict　upon　me。　　Sometimes　when　we　are　talking　she　Iays　her　hand　upon　mine；　and　in　the　eagerness　of　conversation　comes　closer　to　me；　and　her　balmy　breath　reaches　my　lips；　　when　I　feel　as　if　lightning　had　struck　me；　and　that　I　could　sink　into　the　earth。　　And　yet；　Wilhelm；　with　all　this　heavenl