sketches of young gentlemen(年轻绅士素描)-第7章
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GENTLEMAN
Once upon a time … NOT in the days when pigs drank wine； but in a
more recent period of our history … it was customary to banish politics
when ladies were present。 If this usage still prevailed； we should have
had no chapter for political young gentlemen； for ladies would have
neither known nor cared what kind of monster a political young gentleman
was。 But as this good custom in common with many others has 'gone
out；' and left no word when it is likely to be home again； as political young
ladies are by no means rare； and political young gentlemen the very
reverse of scarce； we are bound in the strict discharge of our most
responsible duty not to neglect this natural division of our subject。
If the political young gentleman be resident in a country town （and
there ARE political young gentlemen in country towns sometimes）； he is
wholly absorbed in his politics； as a pair of purple spectacles communicate
the same uniform tint to all objects near and remote； so the political
glasses； with which the young gentleman assists his mental vision； give to
everything the hue and tinge of party feeling。 The political young
gentleman would as soon think of being struck with the beauty of a young
lady in the opposite interest； as he would dream of marrying his sister to
the opposite member。
If the political young gentleman be a Conservative； he has usually
some vague ideas about Ireland and the Pope which he cannot very clearly
explain； but which he knows are the right sort of thing； and not to be very
easily got over by the other side。 He has also some choice sentences
regarding church and state； culled from the banners in use at the last
election； with which he intersperses his conversation at intervals with
surprising effect。 But his great topic is the constitution； upon which he
will declaim； by the hour together； with much heat and fury； not that he
has any particular information on the subject； but because he knows that
the constitution is somehow church and state； and church and state
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somehow the constitution； and that the fellows on the other side say it isn't；
which is quite a sufficient reason for him to say it is； and to stick to it。
Perhaps his greatest topic of all； though； is the people。 If a fight takes
place in a populous town； in which many noses are broken； and a few
windows； the young gentleman throws down the newspaper with a
triumphant air； and exclaims； 'Here's your precious people！' If half…a…
dozen boys run across the course at race time； when it ought to be kept
clear； the young gentleman looks indignantly round； and begs you to
observe the conduct of the people； if the gallery demand a hornpipe
between the play and the afterpiece； the same young gentleman cries 'No'
and 'Shame' till he is hoarse； and then inquires with a sneer what you think
of popular moderation NOW； in short； the people form a never…failing
theme for him； and when the attorney； on the side of his candidate； dwells
upon it with great power of eloquence at election time； as he never fails to
do； the young gentleman and his friends； and the body they head； cheer
with great violence against THE OTHER PEOPLE； with whom； of course；
they have no possible connexion。 In much the same manner the audience
at a theatre never fail to be highly amused with any jokes at the expense of
the public … always laughing heartily at some other public； and never at
themselves。
If the political young gentleman be a Radical； he is usually a very
profound person indeed； having great store of theoretical questions to put
to you； with an infinite variety of possible cases and logical deductions
therefrom。 If he be of the utilitarian school； too； which is more than
probable； he is particularly pleasant company； having many ingenious
remarks to offer upon the voluntary principle and various cheerful
disquisitions connected with the population of the country； the position of
Great Britain in the scale of nations； and the balance of power。 Then he
is exceedingly well versed in all doctrines of political economy as laid
down in the newspapers； and knows a great many parliamentary speeches
by heart； nay； he has a small stock of aphorisms； none of them exceeding a
couple of lines in length； which will settle the toughest question and leave
you nothing to say。 He gives all the young ladies to understand； that
Miss Martineau is the greatest woman that ever lived； and when they
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praise the good looks of Mr。 Hawkins the new member； says he's very well
for a representative； all things considered； but he wants a little calling to
account； and he is more than half afraid it will be necessary to bring him
down on his knees for that vote on the miscellaneous estimates。 At this；
the young ladies express much wonderment； and say surely a Member of
Parliament is not to be brought upon his knees so easily； in reply to which
the political young gentleman smiles sternly； and throws out dark hints
regarding the speedy arrival of that day； when Members of Parliament will
be paid salaries； and required to render weekly accounts of their
proceedings； at which the young ladies utter many expressions of
astonishment and incredulity； while their lady…mothers regard the
prophecy as little else than blasphemous。
It is extremely improving and interesting to hear two political young
gentlemen； of diverse opinions； discuss some great question across a
dinner…table； such as； whether； if the public were admitted to Westminster
Abbey for nothing； they would or would not convey small chisels and
hammers in their pockets； and immediately set about chipping all the
noses off the statues； or whether； if they once got into the Tower for a
shilling； they would not insist upon trying the crown on their own heads；
and loading and firing off all the small arms in the armoury； to the great
discomposure of Whitechapel and the Minories。 Upon these； and many
other momentous questions which agitate the public mind in these
desperate days； they will discourse with great vehemence and irritation for
a considerable time together； both leaving off precisely where they began；
and each thoroughly persuaded that he has got the better of the other。
In society； at assemblies； balls； and playhouses； these political young
gentlemen are perpetually on the watch for a political allusion； or anything
which can be tortured or construed into being one； when； thrusting
themselves into the very smallest openings for their favourite discourse；
they fall upon the unhappy company tooth
