the captives-第115章
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She opened the hall door； the hall was all dark； some one was there。 Maggie gave a little cry。 A match was struck and revealed the white face of Grace。 The two women stared at one another。
Grace had returned from Church； she was wearing her ugly black hat with the red velvet。
〃It's all right；〃 said Maggie； 〃I've been for a walk。〃
〃OhI didn't know；〃 gasped Grace； still staring。 〃I thoughtyes； of course。 Fancy； you've been for a walk！〃
Still staring as though she could keep Maggie at bay only by the power of her vision she backed on to Paul's study door； turned the handle； and disappeared。 The hall was in darkness again。 Maggie stumbled her way towards the staircase； then； seeing Grace's terrified eyes； filled with a horror that she； Maggie Cardinal； should cause any one to look at her like that； she ran clumsily upstairs； shutting herself into her bedroom。
During the next fortnight the dominant element in the situation was Grace's terror。 Skeaton was already beginning to forget the story of the suicide。 Maggie was marked for ever now as 〃queer and strange；〃 but Paul was not blamed； he was rather； pitied and even liked the more。 But Grace could not forget。 Maggie intended perhaps to murder her in revenge for her uncle's death； well； then； she must be murdered 。 。 。 She would not leave her brother。 She could not consider the future。 She knew that she could not live in the same house with Maggie for long； but she would not go and Maggie would not go 。 。 。 What was to happen？
Poor Grace； the tortures that she suffered during those weeks will not be understood by persons with self…confidence and a hearty contempt for superstition。
She paid the penalty now for the ghosts of her childhoodand no one could help her。
Maggie saw that Paul was； with every day； increasingly unhappy。 He had never been trained to conceal his feelings； and although he tried now he succeeded very badly。 He would come into her room in the early morning hours and lie down beside her。 He would put his arms around her and kiss her； and； desperately； as though he were doing it for a wager； make love to her。 She felt； desperate also on her side； that she could comfort and make him happy； if only he would want something less from her than passion。 But always after an hour or a little more； he crept away again to his own room； disappointed； angered； frustrated。 These hours were the stranger because； during the day； he showed her nothing of this mood； but was kindly and friendly and distant。
She would have done anything for him； she tried sometimes to be affectionate to him； but always； at once； he turned upon her with a hungry； impassioned look 。 。 。
She knew； without any kind of doubt； that the only way that she could make him happy again was to leave him。 His was not a nature to brood； for the rest of his days； on something that he had lost。
Only once did he make any allusion to the coming Revival services。 He burst out one day； at luncheon： 〃The most scandalous thing！〃 he said。 〃We had them here once； years ago； and the harm they did no one would believe。 I've been to Tamar about it； he can do nothing； unless they disturb the public peace； of course。 He had the impertinence to tell me that they behaved very well last time they were here！〃
〃I don't like that man；〃 said Grace。 〃I don't believe he makes his money properly。 Look at the clothes Mrs。 Tamar wears！ What I mean is； I don't like his wife at all。〃
〃It's very hard；〃 said Paul； his voice trembling with indignation；〃 that when men and women have been working for years to bring Christ into the hearts of mankind that mountebanks and hypocrites should be allowed to undo the work in the space of a night。 I know this man Thurston。 They've had letters in the Church Times about him。〃 〃Fancy！〃 said Grace； 〃and still he dares show his face。〃
〃But do they really do so much harm？〃 asked Maggie。 〃I should have thought if they only came once for a week in ten years they couldn't make any real effect on anybody〃
〃Maggie； dear；〃 said Paul gently； 〃you don't understand。〃
As the day of the Revival approached； Maggie knew that she would go to one of the services。 She was now in a strange state of excitement。 The shock of her uncle's death had undoubtedly shaken her whole balance； moral； physical； and mental。 The fortnight that had followed it； when she had clung like a man falling from a height and held by a rocky ledge to the one determination not to look either behind or in front of her； had been a strain beyond her strength。
She did not know； she did not feel any weakness； she felt rather a curious atmosphere of light and expectation as though that cry to Martin in her bedroom had truly been answered。 And she felt more than this。 Old Magnus had once said to her： 〃I don't know what religion is except that it is a fightand some people join in because they want to； some are forced to join in whether they want to or no； some just leave it alone； and some （most） don't know there's one going on at all。 But if you don't join in you seem to me to have wasted your time。〃
She had not understood in the least what he meant； she did not understand now； but； thinking of his words； it did seem to her that she was sharing in some conflict。 The vast armies hidden from her by mist； the contested ground also hidden； but the clash of arms clearly to be heard。 Her own part of a struggle seemed to be round her love for Martin； it was as though； if she could get some realisation of that； she would have won her way to a vantage…point whence she could visualise the next place。 She did not think this out。 She only felt in her heart a little less lonely； a little less wicked and selfish； a little less deserted； as though she were drawing nearer to some hidden fire and could feel the first warm shadow of the flames。
She made one more appeal to Grace on the very morning of the first day of the Revival。
After breakfast Maggie came into the drawing…room and found Grace sitting there sewing。
She stood； timidly； in her old attitude； her hands clasped in front of her； like a child saying her lesson。
〃I beg your pardon； Grace。〃
Grace looked up。 She had of course been conscious of Maggie ever since her entrance into the room。 Her hands had trembled and her heart leapt furiously。
〃Why； Maggie〃 she said。
〃I'm afraid I'm disturbing you；〃 said Maggie； 〃but we haven't really said anything to one another for the last fortnight。 I don't suppose that you want me to say anything now； but things get worse and worse if no one says anything； don't they？〃 Now that she had begun she went on quickly： 〃I wanted to say； Grace； how sorry I am for the trouble and unhappiness that you and Paul have had during the last fortnight through me。 I've been nothing but a trouble to you since I first came here； but it wasn't that that I wanted to say。 I couldn't bear that you should think that I was just selfishly full of my own affairs and didn't understand how you and Paul must feel about about my uncle。 Not that I mean；〃 she went on rather fiercely； raising her head； 〃that he was to blame。 No one ever understood him。 He could have done great things ififsome one had looked after him a little。 But he hadn't any one。 That was my fault。 I didn't want you and Paul to think I don't blame myself。 I do all the time。 I can't promise to be better in the future because I've promised so often and I never am。 But I am sorry。〃
Grace said nothing for a moment。 Her hands trembled more than ever。 Then； without looking up； she murmured as though to her sewing：
〃Oh no。 Maggie 。 。 。 no one blames you； I'm sure。〃
There was another pause； then Grace said：
〃I think I'm not well。 No； I can't be well because I'm not sleeping； although I've taken aspirin more； I'm sure； than I ought to。 What I mean is that they say it's bad for your heart。 Of course things have been very unfortunate； from the beginning one might say； but I'm sure it's not been any one's fault exactly。 What I mean is that these things never are 。 。 。 No； they aren't really。 I expect we all want a change。〃
〃What are you frightened of me for； Grace；〃 asked Maggie。
Grace started as though Maggie had indeed dropped a bomb at her feet。 She looked up at Maggie； wildly
