the lazy tour of two idle apprentices(两个闲荡徒弟的旅行)-第20章
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principle； he took his own course； impervious alike to ridicule and abuse。
Whenever the ball came near him； he thought of his shins； and got out of
the way immediately。 'Catch it！' 'Stop it！' 'Pitch it up！' were cries that
passed by him like the idle wind that he regarded not。 He ducked under
it； he jumped over it； he whisked himself away from it on either side。
Never once； through the whole innings did he and the ball come together
on anything approaching to intimate terms。 The unnatural activity of body
which was necessarily called forth for the accomplishment of this result
threw Thomas Idle； for the first time in his life； into a perspiration。 The
perspiration； in consequence of his want of practice in the management of
that particular result of bodily activity； was suddenly checked； the
inevitable chill succeeded； and that； in its turn； was followed by a fever。
For the first time since his birth； Mr。 Idle found himself confined to his
bed for many weeks together； wasted and worn by a long illness； of which
his own disastrous muscular exertion had been the sole first cause。
The third occasion on which Thomas found reason to reproach himself
bitterly for the mistake of having attempted to be industrious； was
connected with his choice of a calling in life。 Having no interest in the
Church； he appropriately selected the next best profession for a lazy man
in England … the Bar。 Although the Benchers of the Inns of Court have
lately abandoned their good old principles； and oblige their students to
make some show of studying； in Mr。 Idle's time no such innovation as this
existed。 Young men who aspired to the honourable title of barrister were；
very properly； not asked to learn anything of the law； but were merely
required to eat a certain number of dinners at the table of their Hall； and to
pay a certain sum of money； and were called to the Bar as soon as they
could prove that they had sufficiently complied with these extremely
sensible regulations。 Never did Thomas move more harmoniously in
concert with his elders and betters than when he was qualifying himself
for admission among the barristers of his native country。 Never did he
feel more deeply what real laziness was in all the serene majesty of its
nature； than on the memorable day when he was called to the Bar； after
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having carefully abstained from opening his law…books during his period
of probation； except to fall asleep over them。 How he could ever again
have become industrious； even for the shortest period； after that great
reward conferred upon his idleness； quite passes his comprehension。 The
kind Benchers did everything they could to show him the folly of exerting
himself。 They wrote out his probationary exercise for him； and never
expected him even to take the trouble of reading it through when it was
written。 They invited him； with seven other choice spirits as lazy as
himself； to come and be called to the Bar； while they were sitting over
their wine and fruit after dinner。 They put his oaths of allegiance； and his
dreadful official denunciations of the Pope and the Pretender； so gently
into his mouth； that he hardly knew how the words got there。 They
wheeled all their chairs softly round from the table； and sat surveying the
young barristers with their backs to their bottles； rather than stand up； or
adjourn to hear the exercises read。 And when Mr。 Idle and the seven
unlabouring neophytes； ranged in order； as a class； with their backs
considerately placed against a screen； had begun； in rotation； to read the
exercises which they had not written； even then； each Bencher； true to the
great lazy principle of the whole proceeding； stopped each neophyte
before he had stammered through his first line； and bowed to him； and told
him politely that he was a barrister from that moment。 This was all the
ceremony。 It was followed by a social supper； and by the presentation； in
accordance with ancient custom； of a pound of sweetmeats and a bottle of
Madeira； offered in the way of needful refreshment； by each grateful
neophyte to each beneficent Bencher。 It may seem inconceivable that
Thomas should ever have forgotten the great do…nothing principle instilled
by such a ceremony as this； but it is； nevertheless； true； that certain
designing students of industrious habits found him out； took advantage of
his easy humour； persuaded him that it was discreditable to be a barrister
and to know nothing whatever about the law； and lured him； by the force
of their own evil example； into a conveyancer's chambers； to make up for
lost time； and to qualify himself for practice at the Bar。 After a fortnight
of self…delusion； the curtain fell from his eyes； he resumed his natural
character； and shut up his books。 But the retribution which had hitherto
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THE LAZY TOUR OF TWO IDLE APPRENTICES
always followed his little casual errors of industry followed them still。 He
could get away from the conveyancer's chambers； but he could not get
away from one of the pupils； who had taken a fancy to him； … a tall； serious；
raw…boned； hard…working； disputatious pupil； with ideas of his own about
reforming the Law of Real Property； who has been the scourge of Mr。
Idle's existence ever since the fatal day when he fell into the mistake of
attempting to study the law。 Before that time his friends were all sociable
idlers like himself。 Since that time the burden of bearing with a hard…
working young man has become part of his lot in life。 Go where he will
now； he can never feel certain that the raw…boned pupil is not
affectionately waiting for him round a corner； to tell him a little more
about the Law of Real Property。 Suffer as he may under the infliction； he
can never complain； for he must always remember； with unavailing regret；
that he has his own thoughtless industry to thank for first exposing him to
the great social calamity of knowing a bore。
These events of his past life； with the significant results that they
brought about； pass drowsily through Thomas Idle's memory； while he lies
alone on the sofa at Allonby and elsewhere； dreaming away the time
which his fellow…apprentice gets through so actively out of doors。
Remembering the lesson of laziness which his past disasters teach； and
bearing in mind also the fact that he is crippled in one leg because he
exerted himself to go up a mountain； when he ought to have known that
his proper course of conduct was to stop at the bottom of it； he holds now；
and will for the future firmly continue to hold； by his new resolution never
to be industrious again； on any pretence whatever； for the rest of his life。
The physical results of his accident have been related i
