the legacy of cain-第33章
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Eunice。 If you refuse to forgive me； neither you nor she will see
anything more of Philip Dunboyne； I promise you that。 Are you
satisfied now？〃
After holding out against him resolutely； I felt myself beginning
to yield。 When a man has once taken their fancy； what helplessly
weak creatures women are！ I saw through his vacillating
weaknessand yet I trusted him； with both eyes open。 My
looking…glass is opposite to me while I write。 It shows me a
contemptible Helena。 I lied； and said I was satisfiedto please
_him。_
〃Am I forgiven？〃 he asked。
It is absurd to put it on record。 Of course； I forgave him。 What
a good Christian I am； after all！
He took my willing hand。 〃My lovely darling；〃 he said； 〃our
marriage rests with you。 Whether your father approves of it or
not； say the word； claim me； and I am yours for life。〃
I must have been infatuated by his voice and his look； my heart
must have been burning under the pressure of his hand on mine。
Was it my modesty or my self…control that deserted me？ I let him
take me in his arms。 Again； and again； and again I kissed him。 We
were deaf to what we ought to have heard； we were blind to what
we ought to have seen。 Before we were conscious of a movement
among the trees； we were discovered。 My sister flew at me like a
wild animal。 Her furious hands fastened themselves on my throat。
Philip started to his feet。 When he touched her； in the act of
forcing her back from me； Eunice's raging strength became utter
weakness in an instant。 Her arms fell helpless at her sidesher
head droopedshe looked at him in silence which was dreadful； at
such a moment as that。 He shrank from the unendurable reproach in
those tearless eyes。 Meanly； he turned away from her。 Meanly； I
followed him。 Looking back for an instant； I saw her step
forward； perhaps to stop him； perhaps to speak to him。 The effort
was too much for her strength； she staggered back against the
trunk of a tree。 Like strangers； walking separate one from the
other； we left her to her companionthe hideous traitress who
was my enemy and her friend。
CHAPTER XXIX。
HELENA'S DIARY。
ON reaching the street which led to Philip's hotel； we spoke to
each other for the first time。
〃What are we to do？〃 I said。
〃Leave this place；〃 he answered。
〃Together？〃 I asked。
〃Yes。〃
To leave us （for a while）； after what had happened； might be the
wisest thing which a man； in Philip's critical position； could
do。 But if I went with himunprovided as I was with any friend
of my own sex； whose character and presence might sanction the
step I had takenI should be lost beyond redemption。 Is any man
that ever lived worth that sacrifice？ I thought of my father's
house closed to me； and of our friends ashamed of me。 I have
owned； in some earlier part of my Journal； that I am not very
patient under domestic cares。 But the possibility of Eunice being
appointed housekeeper； with my power； in my place； was more than
I could calmly contemplate。 〃No；〃 I said to Philip。 〃Your
absence； at such a time as this； may help us both； but； come what
may of it； I must remain at home。〃
He yielded； without an attempt to make me alter my mind。 There
was a sullen submission in his manner which it was not pleasant
to see。 Was he despairing already of himself and of me？ Had
Eunice aroused the watchful demons of shame and remorse？
〃Perhaps you are right；〃 he said； gloomily。 〃Good…by。〃
My anxiety put the all…important question to him without
hesitation。
〃Is it good…by forever； Philip？〃
His reply instantly relieved me： 〃God forbid！〃
But I wanted more： 〃You still love me？〃 I persisted。
〃More dearly than ever！〃
〃And yet you leave me！〃
He turned pale。 〃I leave you because I am afraid。〃
〃Afraid of what？〃
〃Afraid to face Eunice again。〃
The only possible way out of our difficulty that I could see； now
occurred to me。 〃Suppose my sister can be prevailed on to give
you up？〃 I suggested。 〃Would you come back to us in that case？〃
〃Certainly！〃
〃And you would ask my father to consent to our marriage？〃
〃On the day of my return； if you like。〃
〃Suppose obstacles get in our way；〃 I said〃suppose time passes
and tries your patiencewill you still consider yourself engaged
to me？〃
〃Engaged to you；〃 he answered； 〃in spite of obstacles and in
spite of time。〃
〃And while you are away from me；〃 I ventured to add； 〃we shall
write to each other？〃
〃Go where I may；〃 he said； 〃you shall always hear from me。〃
I could ask no more； and he could concede no more。 The impression
evidently left on him by Eunice's terrible outbreak； was far more
serious than I had anticipated。 I was myself depressed and ill at
ease。 No expressions of tenderness were exchanged between us。
There was something horrible in our barren farewell。 We merely
clasped hands； at parting。 He went his wayand I went mine。
There are some occasions when women set an example of courage to
men。 I was ready to endure whatever might happen to me； when I
got home。 What a desperate wretch！ some people might say； if they
could look into this di ary！
Maria opened the door； she told me that my sister had already
returned； accompanied by Miss Jillgall。 There had been apparently
some difference of opinion between them； before they entered the
house。 Eunice had attempted to go on to some other place； and
Miss Jillgall had remonstrated。 Maria had heard her say： 〃No； you
would degrade yourself〃and； with that； she had led Eunice
indoors。 I understood； of course； that my sister had been
prevented from following Philip to the hotel。 There was probably
a serious quarrel in store for me。 I went straight to the
bedroom； expecting to find Eunice there； and prepared to brave
the storm that might burst on me。 There was a woman at Eunice's
end of the room； removing dresses from the wardrobe。 I could only
see her back； but it was impossible to mistake _that_
figureMiss Jillgall。
She laid the dresses on Eunice's bed； without taking the
slightest notice of me。 In significant silence I pointed to the
door。 She went on as coolly with her occupation as if the room
had been； not mine but hers； I stepped up to her； and spoke
plainly。
〃You oblige me to remind you；〃 I said； 〃that you are not in your
own room。〃 There； I waited a little； and found that I had
produced no effect。 〃With every disposition；〃 I resumed； 〃to make
allowance for the disagreeable peculiarities of your character； I
cannot consent to overlook an act of intrusion； committed by a
Spy。 Now； do you understand me？〃
She looked round her。 〃I see no third person here；〃 she said。
〃May I ask if you mean me？〃
〃I mean you。〃
〃Will you be so good； Miss Helena； as to explain yourself？〃
Moderation of language would have been thrown away on this woman。
〃You followed me to the park；〃 I said。 〃It was you who found me
with Mr。 Dunboyne； and betrayed me to my sister。 You are a Spy；
and you know it。 At this very moment you daren't look me in the
face。〃
Her insolence forced its way out of her at last。 Let me record
itand repay it； when the time comes。
〃Quite true；〃 she replied。 〃If I ventured to look you in the
face； I am afraid I might forget myself。 I have always been
brought up like a lady； and I wish to show it even in the company
of such a wretch as you are。 There is not one word of truth in
what you have said of me。 I went to the hotel to find Mr。
Dunboyne。 Ah； you may sneer！ I haven't got your good looksand a
vile use you have made of them。 My object was to recall that base
young man to his duty to my dear charming injured Euneece。 The
hotel servant told me that Mr。 Dunboyne had gone out。 Oh； I had
the means of persuasion in my pocket！ The man directed me to the
park； as he had already directed Mr。 Dunboyne。 It was only when I
had found the place； that I heard some one behind me。 Poor
innocent Euneece had followed me to the hotel； and had got her
directions； as I had got mine。 God knows how hard I tried to
persuade her to go back； and how horribly frightened I wasNo！ I
won't distress myself by saying a word more。 It would be too
humiliating to let _you_ see an honest woman in tears。 Your
sister has a spirit of her own； thank God！ She
