tales from two hemispheres[1].(两个半球的故事)-第20章
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The boy； as he grew up； often strikingly reminded her of her father； as；
indeed； he seemed to have inherited more from her own than from
Halvard's race。 Only the bright flaxen hair and his square； somewhat
clumsy stature might have told him to be the latter's child。 He had a hot
temper； and often distressed his mother by his stubbornness； and then
there would come a great burst of repentance afterwards； which distressed
her still more。 For she was afraid it might be a sign of weakness。 〃And
strong he must be；〃 said she to herself； 〃strong enough to overcome all
resistance； and to conquer a great name for himself； strong enough to bless
a mother who brought him into the world nameless。〃
Strange to say； much as she loved this child； she seldom caressed him。
It was a penance she had imposed upon herself to atone for her guilt。
Only at times； when she had been sitting up late； and her eyes would fall；
as it were； by accident upon the little face on the pillow； with the sweet
unconsciousness of sleep resting upon it like a soft； invisible veil； would
she suddenly throw herself down over him； kiss him； and whisper tender
names in his ear； while her tears fell hot and fast on his yellow hair and his
rosy countenance。 Then the child would dream that he was sailing aloft
over shining forests； and that his mother； beaming with all the beauty of
her lost youth； flew before him； showering golden flowers on his path。
These were the happiest moments of Brita's joyless life； and even these
were not unmixed with bitterness； for into the midst of her joy would steal
a shy anxious thought which was the more terrible because it came so
stealthily； so soft…footed and unbidden。 Had not this child been given her
as a punishment for her guilt？ Had she then a right to turn God's scourge
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into a blessing？ Did she give to God 〃that which belongeth unto God；〃
as long as all her hopes； her thoughts； and her whole being revolved about
this one earthly thing； her son； the child of her sorrow？ She was not a
nature to shrink from grave questions； no； she met them boldly； when once
they were there； wrestled fiercely with them； was defeated； and again with
a martyr's zeal rose to renew the combat。 God had Himself sent her this
perplexing doubt and it was her duty to bear His burden。 Thus ran Brita's
reasoning。 In the mean while the years slipped by； and great changes
were wrought in the world about her。
The few hundred dollars which Brita had been able to save； during the
first three years of her stay in Chicago； she had invested in a piece of land。
In the mean while the city had grown； and in the year 1859 she was
offered five thousand dollars for her lot； this offer she accepted and again
bought a small piece of property at a short distance from the city。 The
boy had since his eighth year attended the public school； and had made
astonishing progress。 Every day when school was out； she would meet
him at the gate； take him by the hand and lead him home。 If any of the
other boys dared to make sport of her； or to tease him for his dependence
upon her； it was sure to cost that boy a black eye｛。｝ He soon succeeded in
establishing himself in the respect of his school…mates； for he was the
strongest boy of his own age； and ever ready to protect and defend the
weak and defenseless。 When Thomas Bright （for that was the name by
which he was known） was fifteen years old he was offered a position as
clerk in the office of a lumber…merchant； and with his mother's consent he
accepted it。 He was a fine young lad now； large and well…knit； and with a
clear earnest countenance。 In the evening he would bring home books to
read； and as it had always been Brita's habit to interest herself in whatever
interested him； she soon found herself studying and discussing with him
things which had in former years been far beyond the horizon of her mind。
She had at his request reluctantly given up her work in the lumber…yards；
and now spent her days at home； busying herself with sewing and reading
and such other things as women find to fill up a vacant hour。
One evening； when Thomas was in his nineteenth year； he returned
from his office with a graver face than usual。 His mother's quick eye
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TALES FROM TWO HEMISPHERES。
immediately saw that something had agitated him； but she forbore to ask。
〃Mother；〃 said he at last； 〃who is my father？ Is he dead or alive？〃
〃God is your father； my son；〃 answered she； tremblingly。 〃If you
love me； ask me no more。〃
〃I do love you； mother；〃 he said； and gave her a grave look； in which
she thought she detected a mingling of tenderness and reproach。 〃And it
shall be as you have said。〃
It was the first time she had had reason to blush before him； and her
emotion came near overwhelming her； but with a violent effort she stifled
it； and remained outwardly calm。 He began pacing up and down the
floor with his head bent and his hands on his back。 It suddenly occurred
to her that he was a grown man； and that she could no longer hold the
same relation to him as his supporter and protector。 〃Alas；〃 thought she；
〃if God will but let me remain his mother； I shall bless and thank Him。〃
It was the first time this subject had been broached； and it gave rise to
many a doubt and many a question in the anxious mother's mind。 Had
she been right in concealing from him that which he might justly claim to
know？ What had been her motive in keeping him ignorant of his origin
and of the land of his birth？ She had wished him to grow to the strength
of man… hood； unconscious of guilt； so that he might bear his head upright；
and look the world fearlessly in the face。 And still； had there not in all
this been a lurking thought of herself； a fear of losing his love； a desire to
stand pure and perfect in his eye？ She hardly dared to answer these
questions； for； alas； she knew not that even our purest motives are but
poorly able to bear a searching scrutiny。 She began to suspect that her
whole course with her son had been wrong from the very beginning。
Why had she not told him the stern truth； even if he should despise her for
it； even if she should have to stand a blushing culprit in his presence？
Often； when she heard his footsteps in the hall； as he returned from the
work of the day； she would man herself up and the words hovered upon
her lips： 〃Son； thou art a bastard born； a child of guilt； and thy mother is
an outcast upon the earth。〃 But when she met those calm blue eyes of his；
saw the unsuspecting frankness of his manner and the hopefulness with
which he looked to the future； her womanly heart shrank from its duty； and
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TA
