christie johnstone-第2章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


aristocracy　and　then　outdoing　it　in　the　person　of　John　Saunders。

Now　this　Saunders　was　human；　and　could　not　be　eight　years　with　this　young
gentleman　and　not　take　some　little　interest　in　him。　He　was　flunky；　and
took　a　great　interest　in　him；　as　stepping…stone　to　his　own　greatness。　So
when　he　saw　him　turning　pale　and　thin；　and　reading　one　letter　fifty
times；　he　speculated　and　inquired　what　was　the　matter。　He　brought　the
intellect　of　Mr。　Saunders　to　bear　on　the　question　at　the　following　angle：

〃Now；　if　I　was　a　young　lord　with　20；000　pounds　a　year；　and　all　the　world
at　my　feet；　what　would　make　me　in　this　way？　Why；　the　liver！　Nothing　else。

〃And　that　is　what　is　wrong　with　him；　you　may　depend。〃

This　conclusion　arrived　at；　Mr。　Saunders　coolly　wrote　his　convictions　to
Dr。　Aberford；　and　desired　that　gentleman's　immediate　attention　to　the
case。　An　hour　or　two　later；　he　glided　into　his　lord's　room；　not　without
some　secret　trepidation；　no　trace　of　which　appeared　on　his　face。　He
pulled　a　long　histrionic　countenance。　〃My　lord；〃　said　he；　in　soft；
melancholy　tones；　〃your　lordship's　melancholy　state　of　health　gives　me
great　anxiety；　and；　with　many　apologies　to　your　lordship；　the　doctor　is
sent　for；　my　lord。〃

〃Why；　Saunders；　you　are　mad；　there　is　nothing　the　matter　with　me。〃

〃I　beg　your　lordship's　pardon；　your　lordship　is　very　ill；　and　Dr。
Aberford　sent　for。〃

〃You　may　go；　Saunders。〃

〃Yes；　my　lord。　I　couldn't　help　it；　I've　outstepped　my　duty；　my　lord；　but
I　could　not　stand　quiet　and　see　your　lordship　dying　by　inches。〃　Here　Mr。
S。　put　a　cambric　handkerchief　artistically　to　his　eyes；　and　glided　out；
having　disarmed　censure。

Lord　Ipsden　fell　into　a　reverie。

〃Is　my　mind　or　my　body　disordered？　Dr。　Aberford！absurd！Saunders　is
getting　too　pragmatical。　The　doctor　shall　prescribe　for　him　instead　of
me；　by　Jove；　that　would　serve　him　right。〃　And　my　lord　faintly　chuckled。
〃No！　this　is　what　I　am　ill　of〃and　he　read　the　fatal　note　again。　〃I　do
nothing！cruel；　unjust；〃　sighed　he。　〃I　could　have　done；　would　have　done；
anything　to　please　her。　Do　nothing！　nobody　does　anything　nowthings
don't　come　in　your　way　to　be　done　as　they　used　centuries　ago；　or　we
should　do　them　just　the　same；　it　is　their　fault；　not　ours；〃　argued　his
lordship；　somewhat　confusedly；　then；　leaning　his　brow　upon　the　sofa；　he
wished　to　die。　For；　at　that　dark　moment　life　seemed　to　this　fortunate　man
an　aching　void；　a　weary；　stale；　flat；　unprofitable　tale；　a　faded　flower；
a　ball…room　after　daylight　has　crept　in；　and　music；　motion　and　beauty　are
fled　away。

〃Dr。　Aberford；　my　lord。〃

This　announcement；　made　by　Mr。　Saunders；　checked　his　lordship's　reverie。

〃Insults　everybody；　does　he　not；　Saunders？〃

〃Yes；　my　lord；〃　said　Saunders；　monotonously。

〃Perhaps　he　will　me；　that　might　amuse　me；〃　said　the　other。

A　moment　later　the　doctor　bowled　into　the　apartment；　tugging　at　his
gloves；　as　he　ran。

The　contrast　between　him　and　our　poor　rich　friend　is　almost　beyond　human
language。

Here　lay　on　a　sofa　Ipsden；　one　of　the　most　distinguished　young　gentlemen
in　Europe；　a　creature　incapable；　by　nature；　of　a　rugged　tone　or　a　coarse
gesture；　a　being　without　the　slightest　apparent　pretension；　but　refined
beyond　the　wildest　dream　of　dandies。　To　him；　enter　Aberford；　perspiring
and　shouting。　He　was　one　of　those　globules　of　human　quicksilver　one　sees
now　and　then　for　two　seconds；　they　are；　in　fact；　two　globules；　their　head
is　one；　invariably　bald；　round；　and　glittering；　the　body　is　another　in
activity　and　shape；　_totus　teres　atque　rotundus；_　and　in　fifty　years　they
live　five　centuries。　_Horum　Rex　Aberford_of　these　our　doctor　was　the
chief。　He　had　hardly　torn　off　one　glove；　and　rolled　as　far　as　the　third
flower　from　the　door　on　his　lordship's　carpet；　before　he　shouted：

〃This　is　my　patient；　lolloping　in　pursuit　of　health。　Your　hand；〃　added
he。　For　he　was　at　the　sofa　long　before　his　lordship　could　glide　off　it。

〃Tongue。　Pulse　is　good。　Breathe　in　my　face。〃

〃Breathe　in　your　face；　sir！　how　can　I　do　that？〃　（with　an　air　of　mild
doubt。）

〃By　first　inhaling；　and　then　exhaling　in　the　direction　required；　or　how
can　I　make　acquaintance　with　your　bowels？〃

〃My　bowels？〃

〃The　abdomen；　and　the　greater　and　lesser　intestines。　Well；　never　mind；　I
can　get　at　them　another　way；　give　your　heart　a　slap；　so。　That's　your
liver。　And　that's　your　diaphragm。〃

His　lordship　having　found　the　required　spot　（some　people　that　I　know
could　not）　and　slapped　it；　the　Aberford　made　a　circular　spring　and
listened　eagerly　at　his　shoulder…blade；　the　result　of　this　scientific
pantomime　seemed　to　be　satisfactory；　for　he　exclaimed；　not　to　say　bawled：

〃Halo！　here　is　a　viscount　as　sound　as　a　roach！　Now；　young　gentleman；〃
added　he；　〃your　organs　are　superb；　yet　you　are　really　out　of　sorts；　it
follows　you　have　the　maladies　of　idle　minds；　love；　perhaps；　among　the
rest；　you　blush；　a　diagnostic　of　that　disorder；　make　your　mind　easy；
cutaneous　disorders；　such　as　love；　etc。；　shall　never　kill　a　patient　of
mine　with　a　stomach　like　yours。　So；　now　to　cure　you！〃　And　away　went　the
spherical　doctor；　with　his　hands　behind　him；　not　up　and　down　the　room；
but　slanting　and　tacking；　like　a　knight　on　a　chess…board。　He　had　not　made
many　steps　before；　turning　his　upper　globule；　without　affecting　his
lower；　he　hurled　back；　in　a　cold　business…like　tone；　the　following
interrogatory：

〃What　are　your　vices？〃

〃Saunders；〃　inquired　the　patient；　〃which　are　my　vices？〃

〃M'lord；　lordship　hasn't　any　vices；〃　replied　Saunders；　with　dull；
matter…of…fact　solemnity。

〃Lady　Barbara　makes　the　same　complaint；〃　thought　Lord　Ipsden。

〃It　seems　I　have　not　any　vices；　Dr。　Aberford；〃　said　he；　demurely。

〃That　is　bad；　nothing　to　get　hold　of。　What　interests　you；　then？〃

〃I　don't　remember。〃

〃What　amuses　you？〃

〃I　forget。〃

〃What！　no　winning　horse　to　gallop　away　your　rents？〃

〃No；　sir！〃

〃No　opera　girl　to　run　her　foot　and　ankle　through　your　purse？〃

〃No；　sir！　and　I　think　their　ankles　are　not　what　they　were。〃

〃Stuff！　just　the　same；　from　their　ankles　up　to　their　ears；　and　down　again
to　their　morals；　it　is　your　eyes　that　are　sunk　deeper　into　your　head。
Hum！　no　horses；　no　vices；　no　dancers；　no　yacht；　you　confound　one's
notions　of　nobility；　and　I　ought　to　know　them；　for　I　have　to　patch　them
all　up　a　bit　just　before　they　go　to　the　deuce。〃

〃But　I　have；　Doctor　Aberford。〃

〃What！〃

〃A　yacht！　and　a　clipper　she　is；　too。〃

〃Ah！（Now　I've　got　him。）〃

〃In　the　Bay　of　Biscay　she　lay　half　a　point　nearer　the　wind　than　Lord
Heavyjib。〃

〃Oh！　bother　Lord　Heavyjib；　and　his　Bay　of　Biscay。〃

〃With　all　my　heart；　they　have　often　bothered　me。〃

〃Send　her　round　to　Granton　Pier；　in　the　Firth　of　Forth。〃

〃I　will；　sir。〃

〃And　write　down　this　prescription。〃　And　away　he　walked　again；　thinking
the　prescription。

〃Saunders；〃　appealed　his　master。

〃Saunders　be　hanged。〃

〃Sir！〃　said　Saunders；　with　dignity；　〃I　thank　you。〃

〃Don't　thank　me；　thank　your　own　deserts；〃　replied　the　modern
Chesterfield。　〃Oblige　me　by　writing　it　yourself；　my　lord；　it　is　all　the
bodily　exercise　you　will　have　had　to…day；　no　doubt。〃

The　young　viscount　bowed；　seated　himself　at　a　desk；　and　wrote　from
dictation：


〃DR。　ABERFORD'S　PRESCRIPTION。


〃Make　acquaintance　with　all　the　people　of　low　estate　who　have　time　to　be
bothered　with　you；　learn　their　ways；　their　minds；　and；　above　all；　their
troubles。〃

〃Won't　all　this　bore　me？〃　suggested　the　writer。

〃You　will　see。　Relieve　one　fellow…creature　every　day；　and　let　Mr。
Saunders　book　the　circumstances。〃

〃I　shall　like　this　part；〃　said　the　patient；　laying　down　his　pen。　〃How
clever　of　you　to　think　of　such　things；　may　not　I　do　two　sometimes？〃

〃Certainly　not；　one　pill　per　day。　Write；　Fish　the　herring！　（that　beats
deer…stalking。）　Run　your　nose　into　adventures　at　sea；　live　on　tenpence；
and　earn　it。　Is　it　down？〃

〃Yes；　it　is　down；　but　Saunders　would　have　written　it　better。〃

〃If　he　hadn't　he　ought　to　be　hanged；〃　said　the　Aberford；　inspecting　the
work。　〃I'm　off；　where's　my　hat？　oh；　there；　where's　my　money？　oh；　here。
Now　look　here；　follow　my　prescription；　and

You　will　soon　have　Mens　sana　in　corpore　sano；　And　not　care　whether　the
girls　say　yes　or