winesburg,ohio-第33章
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ed at the door but I couldn't sit still。 'No； no；' I said to myself； but I got up and opened the door just the same。 She was so grown up； you see。 She was a woman。 I thought she would be bigger than I was there in that room。〃
Enoch Robinson stared at George Willard； his childlike blue eyes shining in the lamplight。 Again he shivered。 〃I wanted her and all the time I didn't want her；〃 he explained。 〃Then I began to tell her about my people； about everything that meant any… thing to me。 I tried to keep quiet； to keep myself to myself； but I couldn't。 I felt just as I did about open… ing the door。 Sometimes I ached to have her go away and never come back any more。〃
The old man sprang to his feet and his voice shook with excitement。 〃One night something hap… pened。 I became mad to make her understand me and to know what a big thing I was in that room。 I wanted her to see how important I was。 I told her over and over。 When she tried to go away； I ran and locked the door。 I followed her about。 I talked and talked and then all of a sudden things went to smash。 A look came into her eyes and I knew she did understand。 Maybe she had understood all the time。 I was furious。 I couldn't stand it。 I wanted her to understand but； don't you see； I couldn't let her understand。 I felt that then she would know every… thing； that I would be submerged； drowned out； you see。 That's how it is。 I don't know why。〃
The old man dropped into a chair by the lamp and the boy listened； filled with awe。 〃Go away； boy；〃 said the man。 〃Don't stay here with me any more。 I thought it might be a good thing to tell you but it isn't。 I don't want to talk any more。 Go away。〃
George Willard shook his head and a note of com… mand came into his voice。 〃Don't stop now。 Tell me the rest of it；〃 he commanded sharply。 〃What happened？ Tell me the rest of the story。〃
Enoch Robinson sprang to his feet and ran to the window that looked down into the deserted main street of Winesburg。 George Willard followed。 By the window the two stood； the tall awkward boy… man and the little wrinkled man…boy。 The childish； eager voice carried forward the tale。 〃I swore at her；〃 he explained。 〃I said vile words。 I ordered her to go away and not to come back。 Oh； I said terrible things。 At first she pretended not to understand but I kept at it。 I screamed and stamped on the floor。 I made the house ring with my curses。 I didn't want ever to see her again and I knew； after some of the things I said； that I never would see her again。〃
The old man's voice broke and he shook his head。 〃Things went to smash；〃 he said quietly and sadly。 〃Out she went through the door and all the life there had been in the room followed her out。 She took all of my people away。 They all went out through the door after her。 That's the way it was。〃
George Willard turned and went out of Enoch Robinson's room。 In the darkness by the window； as he went through the door； he could hear the thin old voice whimpering and complaining。 〃I'm alone； all alone here；〃 said the voice。 〃It was warm and friendly in my room but now I'm all alone。〃
AN AWAKENING
BELLE CARPENTER had a dark skin； grey eyes； and thick lips。 She was tall and strong。 When black thoughts visited her she grew angry and wished she were a man and could fight someone with her fists。 She worked in the millinery shop kept by Mrs。 Kate McHugh and during the day sat trimming hats by a window at the rear of the store。 She was the daugh… ter of Henry Carpenter； bookkeeper in the First Na… tional Bank of Winesburg； and lived with him in a gloomy old house far out at the end of Buckeye Street。 The house was surrounded by pine trees and there was no grass beneath the trees。 A rusty tin eaves…trough had slipped from its fastenings at the back of the house and when the wind blew it beat against the roof of a small shed； making a dismal drumming noise that sometimes persisted all through the night。
When she was a young girl Henry Carpenter made life almost unbearable for Belle； but as she emerged from girlhood into womanhood he lost his power over her。 The bookkeeper's life was made up of innumerable little pettinesses。 When he went to the bank in the morning he stepped into a closet and put on a black alpaca coat that had become shabby with age。 At night when he returned to his home he donned another black alpaca coat。 Every evening he pressed the clothes worn in the streets。 He had invented an arrangement of boards for the purpose。 The trousers to his street suit were placed between the boards and the boards were clamped together with heavy screws。 In the morning he wiped the boards with a damp cloth and stood them upright behind the dining room door。 If they were moved during the day he was speechless with anger and did not recover his equilibrium for a week。
The bank cashier was a little bully and was afraid of his daughter。 She； he realized； knew the story of his brutal treatment of her mother and hated him for it。 One day she went home at noon and carried a handful of soft mud； taken from the road； into the house。 With the mud she smeared the face of the boards used for the pressing of trousers and then went back to her work feeling relieved and happy。
Belle Carpenter occasionally walked out in the evening with George Willard。 Secretly she loved an… other man； but her love affair； about which no one knew； caused her much anxiety。 She was in love with Ed Handby； bartender in Ed Griffith's Saloon； and went about with the young reporter as a kind of relief to her feelings。 She did not think that her station in life would permit her to be seen in the company of the bartender and walked about under the trees with George Willard and let him kiss her to relieve a longing that was very insistent in her nature。 She felt that she could keep the younger man within bounds。 About Ed Handby she was somewhat uncertain。
Handby； the bartender； was a tall； broad…shouldered man of thirty who lived in a room upstairs above Griffith's saloon。 His fists were large and his eyes unusually small； but his voice； as though striving to conceal the power back of his fists； was soft and quiet。
At twenty…five the bartender had inherited a large farm from an uncle in Indiana。 When sold； the farm brought in eight thousand dollars； which Ed spent in six months。 Going to Sandusky； on Lake Erie； he began an orgy of dissipation； the story of which afterward filled his home town with awe。 Here and there he went throwing the money about； driving carriages through the streets； giving wine parties to crowds of men and women； playing cards for high stakes and keeping mistresses whose wardrobes cost him hundreds of dollars。 One night at a resort called Cedar Point； he got into a fight and ran amuck like a wild thing。 With his fist he broke a large mirror in the wash room of a hotel and later went about smashing windows and breaking chairs in dance halls for the joy of hearing the glass rattle on the floor and seeing the terror in the eyes of clerks who had come from Sandusky to spend the evening at the resort with their sweethearts。
The affair between Ed Handby and Belle Carpen… ter on the surface amounted to nothing。 He had suc… ceeded in spending but one evening in her company。 On that evening he hired a horse and buggy at Wes… ley Moyer's livery barn and took her for a drive。 The conviction that she was the woman his nature demanded and that he must get her settled upon him and he told her of his desires。 The bartender was ready to marry and to begin trying to earn money for the support of his wife； but so simple was his nature that he found it difficult to explain his intentions。 His body ached with physical longing and with his body he expressed himself。 Taking the milliner into his arms and holding her tightly in spite of her struggles； he kissed her until she became helpless。 Then he brought her back to town and let her out of the buggy。 〃When I get hold of you again I'll not let you go。 You can't play with me；〃 he de… clared as he turned to drive away。 Then； jumping out of the buggy； he gripped her shoulders with his strong hands。 〃I'll keep you for good the next time；〃 he said。 〃
