winesburg,ohio-第44章

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m　and　he　was　in　fact　a　little　annoyed　that　his　mother　had　died　on　that　day。　　He　had　just　received　a　note　from　Helen　White；　the　daughter　of　the　town　banker；　in　answer　to　one　from　him。　　〃Tonight　I　could　have　gone　to　see　her　and　now　it　will　have　to　be　put　off；〃　he　thought　half　angrily。

Elizabeth　died　on　a　Friday　afternoon　at　three　o'clock。　　It　had　been　cold　and　rainy　in　the　morning　but　in　the　afternoon　the　sun　came　out。　　Before　she　died　she　lay　paralyzed　for　six　days　unable　to　speak　or　move　and　with　only　her　mind　and　her　eyes　alive。　For　three　of　the　six　days　she　struggled；　thinking　of　her　boy；　trying　to　say　some　few　words　in　regard　to　his　future；　and　in　her　eyes　there　was　an　appeal　so　touching　that　all　who　saw　it　kept　the　memory　of　the　dying　woman　in　their　minds　for　years。　　Even　Tom　Willard；　who　had　always　half　resented　his　wife；　for…　got　his　resentment　and　the　tears　ran　out　of　his　eyes　and　lodged　in　his　mustache。　　The　mustache　had　begun　to　turn　grey　and　Tom　colored　it　with　dye。　There　was　oil　in　the　preparation　he　used　for　the　purpose　and　the　tears；　catching　in　the　mustache　and　being　brushed　away　by　his　hand；　formed　a　fine　mist…　like　vapor。　　In　his　grief　Tom　Willard's　face　looked　like　the　face　of　a　little　dog　that　has　been　out　a　long　time　in　bitter　weather。

George　came　home　along　Main　Street　at　dark　on　the　day　of　his　mother's　death　and；　after　going　to　his　own　room　to　brush　his　hair　and　clothes；　went　along　the　hallway　and　into　the　room　where　the　body　lay。　There　was　a　candle　on　the　dressing　table　by　the　door　and　Doctor　Reefy　sat　in　a　chair　by　the　bed。　　The　doctor　arose　and　started　to　go　out。　　He　put　out　his　hand　as　though　to　greet　the　younger　man　and　then　awkwardly　drew　it　back　again。　　The　air　of　the　room　was　heavy　with　the　presence　of　the　two　self…　conscious　human　beings；　and　the　man　hurried　away。

The　dead　woman's　son　sat　down　in　a　chair　and　looked　at　the　floor。　　He　again　thought　of　his　own　affairs　and　definitely　decided　he　would　make　a　change　in　his　fife；　that　he　would　leave　Winesburg。　〃I　will　go　to　some　city。　　Perhaps　I　can　get　a　job　on　some　newspaper；〃　he　thought；　and　then　his　mind　turned　to　the　girl　with　whom　he　was　to　have　spent　this　evening　and　again　he　was　half　angry　at　the　turn　of　events　that　had　prevented　his　going　to　her。

In　the　dimly　lighted　room　with　the　dead　woman　the　young　man　began　to　have　thoughts。　　His　mind　played　with　thoughts　of　life　as　his　mother's　mind　had　played　with　the　thought　of　death。　　He　closed　his　eyes　and　imagined　that　the　red　young　lips　of　Helen　White　touched　his　own　lips。　　His　body　trembled　and　his　hands　shook。　　And　then　something　happened。　The　boy　sprang　to　his　feet　and　stood　stiffly。　　He　looked　at　the　figure　of　the　dead　woman　under　the　sheets　and　shame　for　his　thoughts　swept　over　him　so　that　he　began　to　weep。　　A　new　notion　came　into　his　mind　and　he　turned　and　looked　guiltily　about　as　though　afraid　he　would　be　observed。

George　Willard　became　possessed　of　a　madness　to　lift　the　sheet　from　the　body　of　his　mother　and　look　at　her　face。　　The　thought　that　had　come　into　his　mind　gripped　him　terribly。　　He　became　convinced　that　not　his　mother　but　someone　else　lay　in　the　bed　before　him。　　The　conviction　was　so　real　that　it　was　almost　unbearable。　　The　body　under　the　sheets　was　long　and　in　death　looked　young　and　graceful。　　To　the　boy；　held　by　some　strange　fancy；　it　was　unspeakably　lovely。　　The　feeling　that　the　body　before　him　was　alive；　that　in　another　moment　a　lovely　woman　would　spring　out　of　the　bed　and　confront　him；　be…　came　so　overpowering　that　he　could　not　bear　the　suspense。　　Again　and　again　he　put　out　his　hand。　Once　he　touched　and　half　lifted　the　white　sheet　that　covered　her；　but　his　courage　failed　and　he；　like　Doc…　tor　Reefy；　turned　and　went　out　of　the　room。　　In　the　hallway　outside　the　door　he　stopped　and　trembled　so　that　he　had　to　put　a　hand　against　the　wall　to　support　himself。　　〃That's　not　my　mother。　　That's　not　my　mother　in　there；〃　he　whispered　to　himself　and　again　his　body　shook　with　fright　and　uncertainty。　When　Aunt　Elizabeth　Swift；　who　had　come　to　watch　over　the　body；　came　out　of　an　adjoining　room　he　put　his　hand　into　hers　and　began　to　sob；　shaking　his　head　from　side　to　side；　half　blind　with　grief。　　〃My　mother　is　dead；〃　he　said；　and　then　forgetting　the　woman　he　turned　and　stared　at　the　door　through　which　he　had　just　come。　　〃The　dear；　the　dear；　oh　the　lovely　dear；〃　the　boy；　urged　by　some　impulse　outside　himself；　muttered　aloud。

As　for　the　eight　hundred　dollars　the　dead　woman　had　kept　hidden　so　long　and　that　was　to　give　George　Willard　his　start　in　the　city；　it　lay　in　the　tin　box　behind　the　plaster　by　the　foot　of　his　mother's　bed。　　Elizabeth　had　put　it　there　a　week　after　her　mar…　riage；　breaking　the　plaster　away　with　a　stick。　　Then　she　got　one　of　the　workmen　her　husband　was　at　that　time　employing　about　the　hotel　to　mend　the　wall。　　〃I　jammed　the　corner　of　the　bed　against　it；〃　she　had　explained　to　her　husband；　unable　at　the　moment　to　give　up　her　dream　of　release；　the　release　that　after　all　came　to　her　but　twice　in　her　life；　in　the　moments　when　her　lovers　Death　and　Doctor　Reefy　held　her　in　their　arms。




SOPHISTICATION

IT　WAS　EARLY　evening　of　a　day　in；　the　late　fall　and　the　Winesburg　County　Fair　had　brought　crowds　of　country　people　into　town。　　The　day　had　been　clear　and　the　night　came　on　warm　and　pleasant。　　On　the　Trunion　Pike；　where　the　road　after　it　left　town　stretched　away　between　berry　fields　now　covered　with　dry　brown　leaves；　the　dust　from　passing　wag…　ons　arose　in　clouds。　　Children；　curled　into　little　balls；　slept　on　the　straw　scattered　on　wagon　beds。　　Their　hair　was　full　of　dust　and　their　fingers　black　and　sticky。　　The　dust　rolled　away　over　the　fields　and　the　departing　sun　set　it　ablaze　with　colors。

In　the　main　street　of　Winesburg　crowds　filled　the　stores　and　the　sidewalks。　　Night　came　on；　horses　whinnied；　the　clerks　in　the　stores　ran　madly　about；　children　became　lost　and　cried　lustily；　an　American　town　worked　terribly　at　the　task　of　amusing　itself。

Pushing　his　way　through　the　crowds　in　Main　Street；　young　George　Willard　concealed　himself　in　the　stairway　leading　to　Doctor　Reefy's　office　and　looked　at　the　people。　　With　feverish　eyes　he　watched　the　faces　drifting　past　under　the　store　lights。　Thoughts　kept　coming　into　his　head　and　he　did　not　want　to　think。　　He　stamped　impatiently　on　the　wooden　steps　and　looked　sharply　about。　　〃Well；　is　she　going　to　stay　with　him　all　day？　Have　I　done　all　this　waiting　for　nothing？〃　he　muttered。

George　Willard；　the　Ohio　village　boy；　was　fast　growing　into　manhood　and　new　thoughts　had　been　coming　into　his　mind。　　All　that　day；　amid　the　jam　of　people　at　the　Fair；　he　had　gone　about　feeling　lonely。　He　was　about　to　leave　Winesburg　to　go　away　to　some　city　where　he　hoped　to　get　work　on　a　city　newspaper　and　he　felt　grown　up。　　The　mood　that　had　taken　possession　of　him　was　a　thing　known　to　men　and　unknown　to　boys。　　He　felt　old　and　a　little　tired。　　Memories　awoke　in　him。　　To　his　mind　his　new　sense　of　maturity　set　him　apart；　made　of　him　a　half…　tragic　figure。　　He　wanted　someone　to　understand　the　feeling　that　had　taken　possession　of　him　after　his　mother's　death。

There　is　a　time　in　the　life　of　every　boy　when　he　for　the　first　time　takes　the　backward　view　of　life。　Perhaps　that　is　the　moment　when　he　crosses　the　line　into　manhood。　　The　boy　is　walking　through　the　street　of　his　town。　　He　is　thinking　of　the　future　and　of　the　figure　he　will　cut　in　the　world。　　Ambitions　and　re…　grets　awake　within　him。　　Suddenly　something　hap…　pens；　he　stops　under　a　tree　and　waits　as　for　a　voice　calling　his　name。　　Ghosts　of　old　things　creep　into　his　consciousness；　the　voices　outside　of　himself　whisper　a　message　concerning　the　limitations　of　life。　　From　being　quite　sure　of　himself　and　his　future　he　be…　comes　not　at　all　sure。　　If　he　be　an　imaginative　boy　a　door　is　tom　open　and　for　the　first　time　he　looks　out　upon　the　world；　seeing；　as　though　they　marched　in　procession　before　him；　the　countless　figures　of　men　who　before　his　time　have　come　out　of　nothingness　into　the　world；　lived　their　lives　and　again　disap…　peared　into　nothingness。　　The　sadness　of　sophistica…　tion　has　come　to　the　boy。　　With　a　little　gasp　he　sees　himself　as　merely　a　leaf　blown　by　the　wind　through　the　streets　of　his　villag