david elginbrod-第80章
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〃This will do delightfully；〃 said Hugh。
〃I will make it a little more comfortable for you； you know。〃
〃Thank you very much。 Shall I pay you a month in advance？〃
〃No； no；〃 she answered； with a grim smile。 〃I might want to get rid
of you； you know。 It must be a week's warning； no more。〃
〃Very well。 I have no objection。 I will go and fetch my luggage。
I suppose I may come in at once？〃
〃The sooner the better； young man； in a place like London。 The
sooner you come home the better pleased I shall be。 There now！〃
So saying； she walked solemnly down…stairs before him； and let him
out。 Hugh hurried away to fetch his luggage； delighted that he had
so soon succeeded in finding just what he wanted。 As he went； he
speculated on the nature of his landlady； trying to account for her
odd rough manner； and the real kindness of her rude words。 He came
to the conclusion that she was naturally kind to profusion； and that
this kindness had； some time or other； perhaps repeatedly； been
taken shameful advantage of； that at last she had come to the
resolution to defend herself by means of a general misanthropy； and
supposed that she had succeeded； when she had got no further than to
have so often imitated the tone of her own behaviour when at its
crossest； as to have made it habitual by repetition。
In all probability some unknown sympathy had drawn her to Hugh。 She
might have had a son about his age； who had run away thirty years
ago。 Or rather； for she seemed an old maid； she had been jilted
some time by a youth about the same size as Hugh； and therefore she
loved him the moment she saw him。 Or； in short； a thousand things。
Certainly seldom have lodgings been let so oddly or so cheaply。
But some impulse or other of the whimsical old human heart； which
will have its way； was satisfied therein。
When he returned in a couple of hours； with his boxes on the top of
a cab； the door was opened； before he knocked； by a tidy maid； who；
without being the least like her mistress； yet resembled her
excessively。 She helped him to carry his boxes up…stairs； and when
he reached his room； he found a fire burning cheerily； a muffin down
before it； a tea…kettle singing on the hob； and the tea…tray set
upon a nice white cloth on a table right in front of the fire； with
an old…fashioned high…backed easy…chair by its sidethe very chair
to go to sleep in over a novel。 The old lady soon made her
appearance； with the teapot in one hand； and a plate of butter in
the other。
〃Oh！ thank you；〃 said Hugh。 〃This is comfortable！〃
She answered only by compressing her lips till her mouth vanished
altogether； and nodding her head as much as to say： 〃I know it is。
I intended it should be。〃 She then poured water into the teapot；
set it down by the fire； and vanished。
Hugh sat down in the easy…chair； and resolved to be comfortable； at
least till he had had his tea； after which he would think what he
was to do next。 A knock at the doorand his landlady entered； laid
a penny newspaper on the table； and went away。 This was just what
he wanted to complete his comfort。 He took it up； and read while he
consumed his bread and butter。 When he had had enough of tea and
newspaper； he said to himself：
〃Now； what am I to do next？〃
It is a happy thing for us that this is really all we have to
concern ourselves aboutwhat to do next。 No man can do the second
thing。 He can do the first。 If he omits it； the wheels of the
social Juggernaut roll over him； and leave him more or less crushed
behind。 If he does it； he keeps in front； and finds room to do the
next again； and so he is sure to arrive at something； for the onward
march will carry him with it。 There is no saying to what perfection
of success a man may come； who begins with what he can do； and uses
the means at his hand。 He makes a vortex of action； however slight；
towards which all the means instantly begin to gravitate。 Let a man
but lay hold of somethinganything； and he is in the high road to
successthough it may be very long before he can walk comfortably
in it。It is true the success may be measured out according to a
standard very different from his。
But in Hugh's case； the difficulty was to grasp anythingto make a
beginning anywhere。 He knew nobody； and the globe of society seemed
like a mass of adamant； on which he could not gain the slightest
hold； or make the slightest impression。 Who would introduce him to
pupils？ Nobody。 He had the testimonials of his professors； but who
would ask to see them？His eye fell on the paper。 He would
advertise。
CHAPTER II。
LETTERS FOR THE POST。
Nothing but drought and dearth； but bush and brake；
Which way soe'er I look； I see。
Some may dream merrily； but when they wake；
They dress themselves； and come to thee。
GEORGE HERBERT。Home。
He got his writing materials； and wrote to the effect； that a
graduate of a Scotch university was prepared to give private lessons
in the classics and mathematics； or even in any of the inferior
branches of education； &c。； &c。 This he would take to the Times
next day。
As soon as he had done this； Duty lifted up her head； and called
him。 He obeyed； and wrote to his mother。 Duty called again； and he
wrote； though with much trepidation and humiliation； to David
Elginbrod。
It was a good beginning。 He had commenced his London life in doing
what he knew he ought to do。 His trepidation in writing to David；
arose in part； it must be confessed； from the strange result of one
of the experiments at Arnstead。
This was his letter。 But he sat and meditated a long time before he
began it。
〃MY DEAR FRIEND；If I did not think you would forgive me； I should
feel； now that I have once allowed my mind to rest upon my conduct
to you； as if I could never hold up my head again。 After much
occupation of thought and feeling with other things； a season of
silence has come； and my sins look me in the face。 First of them
all is my neglect of you； to whom I owe more than to any man else；
except； perhaps； my father。 Forgive me； for forgiveness' sake。 You
know it takes a long time for a child to know its mother。 It takes
everything as a matter of course； till suddenly one day it lifts up
its eyes； and knows that a face is looking at it。 I have been like
the child towards you； but I am beginning to feel what you have been
to me。 I want to be good。 I am very lonely now in great noisy
London。 Write to me； if you please； and comfort me。 I wish I were
as good as you。 Then everything would go right with me。 Do not
suppose that I am in great trouble of any kind。 As yet I am very
comfortable； as far as external circumstances go。 But I have a kind
of aching inside me。 Something is not right； and I want your help。
You will know what I mean。 What am I to do？ Please to remember me
in the kindest； most grateful manner to Mrs。 Elginbrod and Margaret。
It is more than I deserve； but I hope they have not forgotten me as
I have seemed to forget them。
〃I am； my dear Mr。 Elginbrod；
〃Your old friend；
〃HUGH SUTHERLAND。〃
I may as well insert here another letter； which arrived at
Turriepuffit； likewise addressed to David； some six weeks after the
foregoing。 They were both taken to Janet； of course：
〃SIR；I have heard from one who knows you； that you believereally
believe in God。 That is why I write to you。 It may seem very
strange in me to do so； but how can I help it？ I am a very unhappy
woman； for I am in the power of a bad man。 I cannot explain it all
to you； and I will not attempt it； for sometimes I almost think I am
out of my mind； and that it is all a delusion。 But； alas！ delusion
or not； it is a dreadful reality to me in all its consequences。 It
is of such a nature that no one can help mebut God； if there be a
God； and if you can make me believe that there is a God； I shall not
need to be persuaded that he will help me； for I will besiege him
with prayers night and day to set me free。 And even if I am out of
my mind； who can help me but him？ Ah！ is it not when we are driven
to despair； when there is no more help anywhere； that we look around
for some power of good that can put r
