the titan-第114章

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　I'm　afraid；　though；　that　I　may　have　been　a　little　misleading　in　my　manner。　　I　didn't　mean　to　be。　　I'm　quite　sure　you'd　better　forget　your　interest　in　me　for　the　present　anyhow。　　I　could　only　make　up　my　mind　in　one　way　if　you　should　insist。　　I　should　have　to　ask　you　to　forget　me　entirely。　　I　wonder　if　you　can　see　how　I　feelhow　it　hurts　me　to　say　this？〃

She　paused；　perfectly　poised；　yet　quite　moved　really；　as　charming　a　figure　as　one　would　have　wished　to　seepart　Greek；　part　Orientalcontemplative；　calculating。

In　that　moment；　for　the　first　time；　Braxmar　realized　that　he　was　talking　to　some　one　whom　he　could　not　comprehend　really。　　She　was　strangely　self…contained；　enigmatic；　more　beautiful　perhaps　because　more　remote　than　he　had　ever　seen　her　before。　　In　a　strange　flash　this　young　American　saw　the　isles　of　Greece；　Cytherea；　the　lost　Atlantis；　Cyprus；　and　its　Paphian　shrine。　　His　eyes　burned　with　a　strange；　comprehending　luster；　his　color；　at　first　high；　went　pale。

〃I　can't　believe　you　don't　care　for　me　at　all；　Miss　Berenice；〃　he　went　on；　quite　strainedly。　　〃I　felt　you　did　care　about　me。　　But　here；〃　he　added；　all　at　once；　with　a　real；　if　summoned；　military　force；　〃I　won't　bother　you。　　You　do　understand　me。　　You　know　how　I　feel。　　I　won't　change。　　Can't　we　be　friends；　anyhow？〃

He　held　out　his　hand；　and　she　took　it；　feeling　now　that　she　was　putting　an　end　to　what　might　have　been　an　idyllic　romance。

〃Of　course　we　can；〃　she　said。　　〃I　hope　I　shall　see　you　again　soon。〃

After　he　was　gone　she　walked　into　the　adjoining　room　and　sat　down　in　a　wicker　chair；　putting　her　elbows　on　her　knees　and　resting　her　chin　in　her　hands。　　What　a　denouement　to　a　thing　so　innocent；　so　charming！　And　now　he　was　gone。　　She　would　not　see　him　any　more；　would　not　want　to　see　himnot　much；　anyhow。　　Life　had　sad；　even　ugly　facts。　　Oh　yes；　yes；　and　she　was　beginning　to　perceive　them　clearly。

Some　two　days　later；　when　Berenice　had　brooded　and　brooded　until　she　could　endure　it　no　longer；　she　finally　went　to　Mrs。　Carter　and　said：　〃Mother；　why　don't　you　tell　me　all　about　this　Louisville　matter　so　that　I　may　really　know？　I　can　see　something　is　worrying　you。　　Can't　you　trust　me？　I　am　no　longer　a　child　by　any　means；　and　I　am　your　daughter。　　It　may　help　me　to　straighten　things　out；　to　know　what　to　do。〃

Mrs。　Carter；　who　had　always　played　a　game　of　lofty　though　loving　motherhood；　was　greatly　taken　aback　by　this　courageous　attitude。　　She　flushed　and　chilled　a　little；　then　decided　to　lie。

〃I　tell　you　there　was　nothing　at　all；〃　she　declared；　nervously　and　pettishly。　　〃It　is　all　an　awful　mistake。　　I　wish　that　dreadful　man　could　be　punished　severely　for　what　he　said　to　me。　　To　be　outraged　and　insulted　this　way　before　my　own　child！〃

〃Mother；〃　questioned　Berenice；　fixing　her　with　those　cool；　blue　eyes；　〃why　don't　you　tell　me　all　about　Louisville？　You　and　I　shouldn't　have　things　between　us。　　Maybe　I　can　help　you。〃

All　at　once　Mrs。　Carter；　realizing　that　her　daughter　was　no　longer　a　child　nor　a　mere　social　butterfly；　but　a　woman　superior；　cool；　sympathetic；　with　intuitions　much　deeper　than　her　own；　sank　into　a　heavily　flowered　wing…chair　behind　her；　and；　seeking　a　small　pocket…handkerchief　with　one　hand；　placed　the　other　over　her　eyes　and　began　to　cry。

〃I　was　so　driven；　Bevy；　I　didn't　know　which　way　to　turn。　　Colonel　Gillis　suggested　it。　　I　wanted　to　keep　you　and　Rolfe　in　school　and　give　you　a　chance。　　It　isn't　trueanything　that　horrible　man　said。　　It　wasn't　anything　like　what　he　suggested。　　Colonel　Gillis　and　several　others　wanted　me　to　rent　them　bachelor　quarters；　and　that's　the　way　it　all　came　about。　　It　wasn't　my　fault；　I　couldn't　help　myself；　Bevy。〃

〃And　what　about　Mr。　Cowperwood？〃　inquired　Berenice　curiously。　　She　had　begun　of　late　to　think　a　great　deal　about　Cowperwood。　　He　was　so　cool；　deep；　dynamic；　in　a　way　resourceful；　like　herself。

〃There's　nothing　about　him；〃　replied　Mrs。　Carter；　looking　up　defensively。　　Of　all　her　men　friends　she　best　liked　Cowperwood。　　He　had　never　advised　her　to　evil　ways　or　used　her　house　as　a　convenience　to　himself　alone。　　〃He　never　did　anything　but　help　me　out。　　He　advised　me　to　give　up　my　house　in　Louisville　and　come　East　and　devote　myself　to　looking　after　you　and　Rolfe。　　He　offered　to　help　me　until　you　two　should　be　able　to　help　yourselves；　and　so　I　came。　　Oh；　if　I　had　only　not　been　so　foolishso　afraid　of　life！　But　your　father　and　Mr。　Carter　just　ran　through　everything。〃

She　heaved　a　deep；　heartfelt　sigh。

〃Then　we　really　haven't　anything　at　all；　have　we；　motherproperty　or　anything　else？〃

Mrs。　Carter　shook　her　head；　meaning　no。

〃And　the　money　we　have　been　spending　is　Mr。　Cowperwood's？〃

〃Yes。〃

Berenice　paused　and　looked　out　the　window　over　the　wide　stretch　of　park　which　it　commanded。　　Framed　in　it　like　a　picture　were　a　small　lake；　a　hill　of　trees；　with　a　Japanese　pagoda　effect　in　the　foreground。　　Over　the　hill　were　the　yellow　towering　walls　of　a　great　hotel　in　Central　Park　West。　　In　the　street　below　could　be　heard　the　jingle　of　street…cars。　　On　a　road　in　the　park　could　be　seen　a　moving　line　of　pleasure　vehiclessociety　taking　an　airing　in　the　chill　November　afternoon。

〃Poverty；　ostracism；〃　she　thought。　　And　should　she　marry　rich？　Of　course；　if　she　could。　　And　whom　should　she　marry？　The　Lieutenant？　Never。　　He　was　really　not　masterful　enough　mentally；　and　he　had　witnessed　her　discomfiture。　　And　who；　then？　Oh；　the　long　line　of　sillies；　light…weights；　rakes；　ne'er…do…wells；　who；　combined　with　sober；　prosperous；　conventional；　muddle…headed　oofs；　constituted　society。　　Here　and　there；　at　far　jumps；　was　a　real　man；　but　would　he　be　interested　in　her　if　he　knew　the　whole　truth　about　her？

〃Have　you　broken　with　Mr。　Braxmar？〃　asked　her　mother；　curiously；　nervously；　hopefully；　hopelessly。

〃I　haven't　seen　him　since；〃　replied　Berenice；　lying　conservatively。　〃I　don't　know　whether　I　shall　or　not。　　I　want　to　think。〃　She　arose。　　〃But　don't　you　mind；　mother。　　Only　I　wish　we　had　some　other　way　of　living　besides　being　dependent　on　Mr。　Cowperwood。〃

She　walked　into　her　boudoir；　and　before　her　mirror　began　to　dress　for　a　dinner　to　which　she　had　been　invited。　　So　it　was　Cowperwood's　money　that　had　been　sustaining　them　all　during　the　last　few　years；　and　she　had　been　so　liberal　with　his　meansso　proud；　vain；　boastful；　superior。　　And　he　had　only　fixed　her　with　those　inquiring；　examining　eyes。　　Why？　But　she　did　not　need　to　ask　herself　why。　　She　knew　now。　　What　a　game　he　had　been　playing；　and　what　a　silly　she　had　been　not　to　see　it。　　Did　her　mother　in　any　way　suspect？　She　doubted　it。　　This　queer；　paradoxical；　impossible　world！　The　eyes　of　Cowperwood　burned　at　her　as　she　thought。




Chapter　LIII



A　Declaration　of　Love

For　the　first　time　in　her　life　Berenice　now　pondered　seriously　what　she　could　do。　　She　thought　of　marriage；　but　decided　that　instead　of　sending　for　Braxmar　or　taking　up　some　sickening　chase　of　an　individual　even　less　satisfactory　it　might　be　advisable　to　announce　in　a　simple　social　way　to　her　friends　that　her　mother　had　lost　her　money；　and　that　she　herself　was　now　compelled　to　take　up　some　form　of　employmentthe　teaching　of　dancing；　perhaps；　or　the　practice　of　it　professionally。　　She　suggested　this　calmly　to　her　mother　one　day。　　Mrs。　Carter；　who　had　been　long　a　parasite　really；　without　any　constructive　monetary　notions　of　real　import；　was　terrified。　　To　think　that　she　and　〃Bevy；〃　her　wonderful　daughter；　and　by　reaction　her　son；　should　come　to　anything　so　humdrum　and　prosaic　as　ordinary　struggling　life；　and　after　all　her　dreams。　　She　sighed　and　cried　in　secret；　writing　Cowperwood　a　cautious　explanation　and　asking　him　to　see　her　privately　in　New　York　when　he　returned。

〃Don't　you　think　we　had　best　go　on　a　little　while　longer？〃　she　suggested　to　Berenice。　　〃It　just　wrings　my　heart　to　think　that　you；　with　your　qualifications；　should　have　to　stoop　to　giving　dancing…lessons。　　We　had　better　do　almost　anything　for　a　while　yet。　　You　can　make　a　suitable　marriage；　and　then　everything　will　be　all　right　for　you。　　It　doesn't　matter　about　me。　　I　can　live。　　But　you〃　Mrs。　Carter's　strained　eyes　indicated　the　misery　she　felt。　　Berenice　was　moved　by　this　affection　for　her；　which　she　knew　to　be　genuine；　but　what　a