the essays of montaigne, v17-第12章

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of　desiring　by　our　sufferings　to　move　the　compassion　and　mourning　of　our
friends：　we　stretch　our　own　incommodities　beyond　their　just　extent　when
we　extract　tears　from　others；　and　the　constancy　which　we　commend　in　every
one　in　supporting　his　adverse　fortune；　we　accuse　and　reproach　in　our
friends　when　the　evil　is　our　own；　we　are　not　satisfied　that　they　should
be　sensible　of　our　condition　only；　unless　they　be；　moreover；　afflicted。
A　man　should　diffuse　joy；　but；　as　much　as　he　can；　smother　grief。　　He　who
makes　himself　lamented　without　reason　is　a　man　not　to　be　lamented　when
there　shall　be　real　cause：　to　be　always　complaining　is　the　way　never　to
be　lamented；　by　making　himself　always　in　so　pitiful　a　taking；　he　is　never
commiserated　by　any。　　He　who　makes　himself　out　dead　when　he　is　alive；　is
subject　to　be　thought　living　when　he　is　dying。　　I　have　seen　some　who　have
taken　it　ill　when　they　have　been　told　that　they　looked　well；　and　that
their　pulse　was　good；　restrain　their　smiles；　because　they　betrayed　a
recovery；　and　be　angry；　at　their　health　because　it　was　not　to　be
lamented：　and；　which　is　a　great　deal　more；　these　were　not　women。
I　describe　my　infirmities；　such　as　they　really　are；　at　most；　and　avoid
all　expressions　of　evil　prognostic　and　composed　exclamations。　　If　not
mirth；　at　least　a　temperate　countenance　in　the　standers…by；　is　proper　in
the　presence　of　a　wise　sick　man：　he　does　not　quarrel　with　health；　for；
seeing　himself　in　a　contrary　condition；　he　is　pleased　to　contemplate　it
sound　and　entire　in　others；　and　at　least　to　enjoy　it　for　company：　he　does
not；　for　feeling　himself　melt　away；　abandon　all　living　thoughts；　nor
avoid　ordinary　discourse。　　I　would　study　sickness　whilst　I　am　well；　when
it　has　seized　me；　it　will　make　its　impression　real　enough；　without　the
help　of　my　imagination。　　We　prepare　ourselves　beforehand　for　the　journeys
we　undertake；　and　resolve　upon　them；　we　leave　the　appointment　of　the　hour
when　to　take　horse　to　the　company；　and　in　their　favour　defer　it。

I　find　this　unexpected　advantage　in　the　publication　of　my　manners；　that
it　in　some　sort　serves　me　for　a　rule。　　I　have；　at　times；　some
consideration　of　not　betraying　the　history　of　my　life：　this　public
declaration　obliges　me　to　keep　my　way；　and　not　to　give　the　lie　to　the
image　I　have　drawn　of　my　qualities；　commonly　less　deformed　and
contradictory　than　consists　with　the　malignity　and　infirmity　of　the
judgments　of　this　age。　　The　uniformity　and　simplicity　of　my　manners
produce　a　face　of　easy　interpretation；　but　because　the　fashion　is　a
little　new　and　not　in　use；　it　gives　too　great　opportunity　to　slander。
Yet　so　it　is；　that　whoever　would　fairly　assail　me；　I　think　I　so
sufficiently　assist　his　purpose　in　my　known　and　avowed　imperfections；
that　he　may　that　way　satisfy　his　ill…nature　without　fighting　with　the
wind。　　If　I　myself；　to　anticipate　accusation　and　discovery；　confess
enough　to　frustrate　his　malice；　as　he　conceives；　'tis　but　reason　that　he
make　use　of　his　right　of　amplification；　and　to　wire…draw　my　vices　as　far
as　he　can；　attack　has　its　rights　beyond　justice；　and　let　him　make　the
roots　of　those　errors　I　have　laid　open　to　him　shoot　up　into　trees：　let
him　make　his　use；　not　only　of　those　I　am　really　affected　with；　but　also
of　those　that　only　threaten　me；　injurious　vices；　both　in　quality　and
number；　let　him　cudgel　me　that　way。　　I　should　willingly　follow　the
example　of　the　philosopher　Bion：　Antigonus　being　about　to　reproach　him
with　the　meanness　of　his　birth；　he　presently　cut　him　short　with　this
declaration：　〃I　am；〃　said　he；　〃the　son　of　a　slave；　a　butcher；　and
branded；　and　of　a　strumpet　my　father　married　in　the　lowest　of　his
fortune；　both　of　them　were　whipped　for　offences　they　had　committed。　　An
orator　bought　me；　when　a　child；　and　finding　me　a　pretty　and　hopeful　boy；
bred　me　up；　and　when　he　died　left　me　all　his　estate；　which　I　have
transported　into　this　city　of　Athens；　and　here　settled　myself　to　the
study　of　philosophy。　　Let　the　historians　never　trouble　themselves　with
inquiring　about　me：　I　will　tell　them　about　it。〃　　A　free　and　generous
confession　enervates　reproach　and　disarms　slander。　　So　it　is　that；　one
thing　with　another；　I　fancy　men　as　often　commend　as　undervalue　me　beyond
reason；　as；　methinks　also；　from　my　childhood；　in　rank　and　degree　of
honour；　they　have　given　me　a　place　rather　above　than　below　my　right。
I　should　find　myself　more　at　ease　in　a　country　where　these　degrees　were
either　regulated　or　not　regarded。　　Amongst　men；　when　an　altercation　about
the　precedence　either　of　walking　or　sitting　exceeds　three　replies；　'tis
reputed　uncivil。　　I　never　stick　at　giving　or　taking　place　out　of　rule；　to
avoid　the　trouble　of　such　ceremony；　and　never　any　man　had　a　mind　to　go
before　me；　but　I　permitted　him　to　do　it。

Besides　this　profit　I　make　of　writing　of　myself；　I　have　also　hoped　for
this　other　advantage；　that　if　it　should　fall　out　that　my　humour　should
please　or　jump　with　those　of　some　honest　man　before　I　die；　he　would　then
desire　and　seek　to　be　acquainted　with　me。　　I　have　given　him　a　great　deal
of　made…way；　for　all　that　he　could　have；　in　many　years；　acquired　by　close
familiarity；　he　has　seen　in　three　days　in　this　memorial；　and　more　surely
and　exactly。　　A　pleasant　fancy：　many　things　that　I　would　not　confess　to
any　one　in　particular；　I　deliver　to　the　public；　and　send　my　best　friends
to　a　bookseller's　shop；　there　to　inform　themselves　concerning　my　most
secret　thoughts；

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃Excutienda　damus　praecordia。〃

　　　　　＇〃We　give　our　hearts　to　be　examined。〃Persius；　V。　22。＇

Did　I；　by　good　direction；　know　where　to　seek　any　one　proper　for　my
conversation；　I　should　certainly　go　a　great　way　to　find　him　out：　for　the
sweetness　of　suitable　and　agreeable　company　cannot；　in　my　opinion；　be
bought　too　dear。　　O　what　a　thing　is　a　true　friend！　　how　true　is　that　old
saying；　that　the　use　of　a　friend　is　more　pleasing　and　necessary　than　the
elements　of　water　and　fire！

To　return　to　my　subject：　there　is；　then；　no　great　harm　in　dying　privately
and　far　from　home；　we　conceive　ourselves　obliged　to　retire　for　natural
actions　less　unseemly　and　less　terrible　than　this。　　But；　moreover；　such
as　are　reduced　to　spin　out　a　long　languishing　life；　ought　not；　perhaps；
to　wish　to　trouble　a　great　family　with　their　continual　miseries；
therefore　the　Indians；　in　a　certain　province；　thought　it　just　to　knock　a
man　on　the　head　when　reduced　to　such　a　necessity；　and　in　another　of　their
provinces；　they　all　forsook　him　to　shift　for　himself　as　well　as　he　could。
To　whom　do　they　not；　at　last；　become　tedious　and　insupportable？　the
ordinary　offices　of　fife　do　not　go　that　length。　　You　teach　your　best
friends　to　be　cruel　perforce；　hardening　wife　and　children　by　long　use
neither　to　regard　nor　to　lament　your　sufferings。　　The　groans　of　the　stone
are　grown　so　familiar　to　my　people；　that　nobody　takes　any　notice　of　them。
And　though　we　should　extract　some　pleasure　from　their　conversation　（which
does　not　always　happen；　by　reason　of　the　disparity　of　conditions；　which
easily　begets　contempt　or　envy　toward　any　one　whatever）；　is　it　not　too
much　to　make　abuse　of　this　half　a　lifetime？　　The　more　I　should　see　them
constrain　themselves　out　of　affection　to　be　serviceable　to　me；　the　more　I
should　be　sorry　for　their　pains。　　We　have　liberty　to　lean；　but　not　to　lay
our　whole　weight　upon　others；　so　as　to　prop　ourselves　by　their　ruin；　like
him　who　caused　little　children's　throats　to　be　cut　to　make　use　of　their
blood　for　the　cure　of　a　disease　he　had；　or　that　other；　who　was
continually　supplied　with　tender　young　girls　to　keep　his　old　limbs　warm
in　the　night；　and　to　mix　the　sweetness　of　their　breath　with　his；　sour　and
stinking。　　I　should　readily　advise　Venice　as　a　retreat　in　this　decline　of
life。　　Decrepitude　is　a　solitary　quality。　　I　am　sociable　even　to　excess；
yet　I　think　it　reasonable　that　I　should　now　withdraw　my　troubles　from　the
sight　of　the　world　and　keep　them　to　myself。　　Let　me　shrink　and　draw　up
myself　in　my　own　shell；　like　a　tortoise；　and　learn　to　see　men　without
hanging　upon　them。　　I　should　endanger　them　in　so　slippery　a　passage：　'tis
time　to　turn　my　back　to　company。

〃But；　in　these　travels；　you　will　be　taken　ill　in　some　wretched